With the war coming closer and closer even our Saturday crowds have dwindled. With spend most of our time waiting for the soldiers. The soldiers are trouble but at least they are quick with their business. Many of the girls have left knowing that they can make more money by following the troops. I prefer to stay. I enjoy Mrs. Moorehouse’s company and I feel safe here. Anna and I spend our days just talking dreaming of the day when she can turn this house into an Inn a real Inn. This of course is just a dream.
I must confess even though I do enjoy Anna’s company I have enjoyed a few evenings with some other the other girls who have chosen to stay on. I do not apologize for my actions. I do not enjoy the company of men. I only wish that I could feel something more than desire or friendship for those ladies with whom I share my favors.
I put down the journal briefly. So Allison’s Great Great Grandmother was a working girl and a lesbian. That couldn’t be why nobody wanted to tell the story. In this day in age that is hardly scandalous. I could not help but feel sympathy for Haley. She was trapped in a cruel world forced to sell her body just to survive. So how did she meet Stephan Ballister? I took a sip of my wine and continued.
June 11, 1862
We have received word that some soldiers are coming to call upon us. They are from New Orleans I think. Some of the other girls warn me that they are a rowdy group. They are know for their drunkenness and the company is mostly foreigners. Men are men none are to trusted. Sharla told me to go after the men in the Gray uniforms if I can. They are the officers. I find this puzzling. Don’t all of the rebs wear gray? Sharla explained that in this company they wear a more colorful uniform with stripped pants and straw hats. How unusual. Can you imagine straw hats in battle? The more Sharla and the others tell me the more I become concerned.
These boys from Louisiana have an unsavory reputation. Of course I know from experience that talk can be just that. But still I am worried. I expressed my concerns to Anna while we were unloading the fresh shipment of spirits. Anna quieted my fears. She knew her girls and would select their companions carefully. Admittedly some of the girls do like the wild ones. Anna knew me and she knew people. She could size up a man’s character in the blink of an eye. A skill she claims to have learned after her husband left her high and dry. She has assured me that my companion or companions for the evening would be gentle or fast. Still I am relieved to hear that she has hired on some extra help for the evening. Some local boys who are big and strong.
Before the war Anna had been hiding run away slaves. Some of them have stayed on to work for her fixing up the house and keeping the peace. Anna has strict rules for the patrons for a price you can drink as much as you can handle and keep company with one of her girls. But any man who raises his hand in anger will find himself tossed out into the street wearing nothing but a promise that he would never enter her house again. As unsavory as our trade is Anna tries to maintain some dignity. Not one of us has chosen this path. The rules of proper society has left us no other choice. Someday Anna promises that we will no longer have to sell our bodies. I want to believe her.
Sometimes I find it difficult to understand this woman. Before the war I know she helped runaway slaves. But now she uses her house to gain information to help the Confederacy. When I questioned her about this she simply shook her head and explained that she is a southern lady and that was that.
June 14, 1862
I am still reeling from the events of last evening. The boys from Louisiana arrived and brought with them many surprises. Sharla had been truthful about their strange attire and fondness for the bottle. More than one of the lads found themselves thrown out into the street. Anna pulled me aside to tell me that she had found my beau for the evening. He was a Sergeant and a gentleman from a fine New Orleans family. When I looked at him I was shocked. He was nothing more than a boy. How could someone so young fight much less hold such a high rank? There was something about his slight stature that I found attractive. I have never looked at a man in that manner before.
Anna explained that it was his birthday and some of his companions had paid for his present. His present of course was to be me for the entire evening. I immediately became fearful at the thought of spending an entire evening with someone. Anna quickly calmed me. His comrades had explained to her that they feared that the poor boy was a virgin. He was young and if he was indeed a virgin this would be an easy night for me. I agreed. I remember as Anna escorted me across the room to meet my new beau that I barely caught his name over the noise. He name was Stephan James Ballister. I took the young man by the hand and led him upstairs while his company cheered him on. As they shouted their encouragement I noticed that a smile never crossed his face. Although it was difficult to see since he kept his hat pulled down so that it cast a shadow over his features.
Once we were alone I went to touch him. He refused. I tried to encourage him. Yet he still refused. I remember thinking that this was going to be the easiest money I ever made. I explained to the boy that my services had been paid for and he could have a warm bath that based on his odor he was in much need of. I also offered him my bed to sleep in. He could tell his buddies in the morning that he showed me the time of my life. “Why would I lie?” He asked me in the softest gentlest voice I had ever heard. I quickly informed him that he should lie, since his friends were convinced that he was pure and if he refused me they might think that he did not care for the company of women. I silently feared that this might be the boy’s problem.
He laughed heartily. “So this is why they have chosen such an odd present for me.” He smiled for the first time. I liked his smile. “I do like women and I have known the pleasure of their bodies. I just do not believe that a woman should be forced to sell herself.” He explained. In anger I told him that unlike a man I had no choice. “I know.” He answered me with such sweet sincerity that it almost broke my heart. I thanked him for his kindness. He was a real gentleman and I have not met many in my life. Seeing him standing before me refusing my favors on sheer principle was something new to me. I told him that he should at least enjoy a bath and a good night’s sleep. Suddenly he seemed to become very uneasy. I tried to explain that he could not return downstairs before dawn or his troops would lose respect for him. And he certainly would not be sleeping in my bed smelling the way he did. “You smell like a pig sty.” I teased him as I removed his hat and ran my fingers threw his hair.
There was a sadness in his eyes that captured my heart. I kissed him. He returned my kiss with such passion that I have not felt in a very long time. His kiss also told me that he had been truthful. He has known the touch of a woman before. When our lips parted I was left wanting more. For the first time in my life I wanted a man. This man. I looked into his deep blue eyes and suddenly I knew. I could not believe that I had not seen it before. How had so many others missed it? Stephan was not a man.
God had smiled upon me and sent me this dashing woman who now stood before me. The sight of her set my body on fire. I ran my fingers down her long neck and kissed her again. This time when our lips parted it was she who was breathless. “How could I have not seen it before?” I asked her. Her face changed quickly as the words escaped me. She was afraid. I quieted her fears quickly as I kissed her again. I told her that I would never reveal her secret but I did want her to accept her birthday present.