“Keep reading.” She teased.
“Brat.” I growled in frustration.
“Come on where is your sense of adventure. This way you will enjoy the mystery more.” Allison gave me a cocky grin. “You are so very close to the truth.”
“I think I know.” I confessed. “I cannot understand how it happened. It never ceases to amaze me how history can be distorted so easily. Stephan Ballister is remembered as a brave soldier of the Confederacy who ignored his station in life to fight for his home. He will always be remembered as a fallen hero.”
“Not when we get done with him he won’t.” Allison stated bluntly. “Ballister was a piss ant who bought and sold human beings simply because he thought it was his right to do so. You know that we are going to take a great deal of heat from the southern historians.”
“I know.” I sighed. Never have any of my books been a source of controversy. “What the hell if you are going to shake up your life Stephanie you might as well go all the way.” “They have been extolling his virtues for over a century. Then again these are the same historians who have been writing that Anna Moorehouse was a widow who ran a little Inn.”
“And Haley was a simple farm girl who bravely carried on her husband’s memory.” Allison added. “Although by the end of the war the whorehouse was in fact an Inn. But they washed away the fact that it was originally a house of ill repute ant the noble Mrs. Ballister had been a working girl.”
“Speaking of which …” I began with hesitation. “… are you certain that you want to expose your Great Grandmother?”
“Of being a prostitute or a lesbian?” She asked pointedly.
“Either.” I swallowed hard as I answered her.
“She was not ashamed of her homosexuality.” Allison stated firmly. “And she was always very honest about what society had forced her to become. She had no options it was either sell her body or die. I think that she must have possessed amazing courage to survive everything that she did. Her story was never hidden away from us like some deep dark secret.”
“I can feel her strength as I read her words.” I told her honestly. “I just cannot figure out how she managed to marry a woman and have a child by her? After all this was long before the days of the turkey baste babies.”
“Now where did a nice girl from Connecticut learn about that?” Allison teased me. “Stephanie you are so very close to the answers.”
“How can I figure out Haley’s life when I cannot figure out my own?” I said absently.
“You are close to that too.” Allison said with a hint of hope in her voice.
“Thank you.” I told her sincerely.
“For what?”
“For sharing this with me.” I responded as I touched her arm gently.
She did not answer me. Allison just closed her eyes and ran her fingers threw her hair. “Where do you go when you do that?” I could feel her drifting away from me. “What secrets are you hiding Allison Kendell?” Perhaps there were no secrets. Perhaps she simply wants to pull away from me and all of my baggage. I try to convince myself that she does not feel the same way that I do. But somewhere in my heart those words ring false. We are the same.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Upon arriving at our office I was greeted by Grace. It amazed me how the woman could complete any task assigned to her and then collate it. Grace handed me my mail and informed me that I had something waiting for me in my office. I walked in to find a very sweet arrangement of roses in a porcelain vase sitting on my desk. I did not need to look at the card to know that they were from Peter. Like other offices woman began to find excuses to drop by my office. Everyone wanted to know who they were from and to compliment me on my thoughtful boyfriend. Everyone except Allison. She never said a word. Instead she simply retreated to her side of the office and busied herself with work.
The card was typical of Peter, Good Luck on your first day. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, Peter. Granted he was no poet, but he could still pull at my heartstrings. If only I could feel for him what he so apparently feels for me. Life would be so much easier. I called him to thank him for the flowers. The sound of his voice failed to sway me from what I now know to be true. Since that night with Allison I keep catching myself looking at women in a new way. One night of lust had opened a Pandora’s box and there seemed to be no going back.
It was clear to me that if I am gay or not doesn’t matter. I needed to end my relationship with Peter. I was not being fair to him. “You keep saying it but you are not doing anything about Stephanie. Because I am realizing that I was using my best friend to complete some half-ass plan I came up with years ago. Okay quit your whining you are going to have to do this in person. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.” It was time for my first class for the moment I could forget about Peter.
My classes went the way I had expected. The usual grunts and groans when I explained the work load. The usual scrambling for pen and paper when I began my lecture. I tried to relax and make things light and fun the way that Allison does. But as I faced the same blank stares that I have faced so many times before I knew it was useless. How did Allison do it? I reviewed the final exam for her summer course, and based on the questions she did in fact manage to cram a great deal of history into those six weeks. Somehow she made it fun. I was encourage when I noticed one young man in the front paying close attention to me. Until I realized that he was interested in me and probably had no clue as to what I was saying. Now if my legs and breasts could give the lecture this guy would pass with flying colors. The poor thing left at the end of the lecture with his textbook carefully placed in front of himself.
When I returned home I began to fix dinner. I decided to make a home cooked meal for Allison. A thank you, I lied to myself, for all of her help. I changed into a pair of old blue jeans and a tattered Yale t-shirt and began to boil the noodles for a lasagna. Just as I was about to start layering the noodles and cheese the telephone rang. It was Peter. We talked casually as I prepared Allison’s dinner. He wanted to know how my first day went. I informed him that it was the same as always. He was so sweet and supportive and told me not to worry. As we talked I quickly mentioned that perhaps we could get together before our anniversary. There was no way I was dumping him on our anniversary! His excitement over my suggestion filled me with even more guilt. Poor Peter he deserved better than what I had to offer him.
Peter and I talked for over an hour while I cooked. It felt good to talk to him and it reminded me why he was my friend. I just wished I could feel something deeper for him. While the lasagna cooled I said my goodbyes to Peter. I went to my bathroom and quickly checked my appearance in the mirror. I combed my short blonde hair and brushed my teeth. When I looked up into the mirror I saw something reflected in my green eyes that I honestly never saw there before … desire. I brushed this thought aside and headed out to my tiny kitchen. I grabbed two potholders and retrieved the lasagna and made my way upstairs to Allison’s apartment.
Allison smiled when she opened the door and discovered me standing there. “Food!” She exclaimed happily as she ignored me and stuck her head down to inhale the fragrance of the fresh baked meal. “And Stephanie.” I teased. “Yeah … yeah now bring the food in.” Allison teased. Allison let me in and ran to fetch some plates and forks. We settled in and ate our meal. It was so comfortable. After dinner Allison cleaned up. I had offered to help but she insisted. “No way you cooked. I will clean. Coffee?”
“Sounds good.” I answered as I rubbed my sated stomach.
After the coffee was brewed we sat on closely on her couch. But not close enough to touch. With our legs tucked under ourselves we sipped our coffee as I told Allison how my first day of classes went. “They never expect a lecture on the first day.” Allison sighed shaking her head. “I don’t care if they are freshmen or seniors it always comes as a complete shock.”