My only response was to jerk my thumb in direction of the wall that had previously been filled with the sounds of passion. “How could you think that?” Allison countered in a horrified tone. “You were the one I was making out with the night before and that night as well. Did you really think that I could kiss you and then bed her?”
“Not entirely.” I argued.
“What does that mean?” Allison asked me directly. “I only went out with her in the first place because of you.”
“Excuse me?” I was stunned.
“You still hadn’t said anything to Peter.” Allison explained. “And yet you were flirting with me but he was still in your life. I knew that until you ended things with him I could never be in your life. I told you that more times than I can count. Finally one night out of desperation I went to the club. Courtney asked me out and against my better judgment I said yes. It was a stupid attempt to get over you.”
“Allison.” I pleaded with her. “I understand that now but at the time I didn’t know if I was coming or going.”
“How, after the way we touch one another, could you think that I would sleep with that child?” Allison protested. “Damn it Stephanie even as sick as I was over the past few days; last night I dreamt about touching you.” “Okay, girl let that one slide for the moment. No need telling her she wasn’t dreaming.”
I had hurt her but she wasn’t giving me the chance to explain everything. “Stephanie I think that we need to slow things down here.” She said heavily. “Take a break from all of this whatever this is.”
“How much slower would you like to go?” I spit out realizing that I was being dumped. “I mean without my moving back to Connecticut?”
“Stephanie.” She protested. “Maybe we should just be friends for right now.”
“Fine.” I shouted in anger as I tore her sweater off my body and tossed it at her.
“Keep it.” She offered. “It really does look good on you.”
“You can’t have it both ways Allison.” I said hotly. She just looked at me with a stunned expression. “You can’t just dump me and then try to flirt with me.” My anger was building. “I know how I feel and there are things you don’t know. But if you want to play at being buddies then fine. Frankly I am tired of the games.” Having said that I stormed out of her apartment and raced down to my own.
My heart sank when I realized that I did not have my house keys. “Crap.” I scowled as I stomped back upstairs and stormed back inside Allison’s apartment. “I forgot my keys.” I bellowed as I gathered up my coat and briefcase. “Your Aunt is staying with you tomorrow the instructions for your meds are on the bottle.”
“Stephanie?” She tried to stop me.
“Don’t.” I cautioned her.
“I’m not dumping you.” She choked out. “But we can not start something now.”
“Whatever you are running from this time Allison get over it and soon!” I shouted and stormed back downstairs.
Of course once I entered my apartment I realized that I had left most of my clothing upstairs. “Forget it!” I snarled as I tore off my clothing and climbed naked into my futon. I spent a sleepless night trying to figure out just how things spun out control so quickly.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The following day was the definitely the calm before the storm. I gave my exams and headed home without checking on Allison. I made a light supper and watched that evening’s episode of Xena. I didn’t enjoy as much as the other one. Probably because the two women weren’t together through out most of it. There was the blonde and some clumsy guy who was entertaining but was no match for the leather-clad warrior. Disgusted with everything I went to bed early in a vain attempt to catch up on some sleep.
Wednesday morning I gave my last midterm for the semester and wished my students, “Happy Holidays”. I turned in my paperwork and wished everyone at the office a happy holiday and picked up Allison’s midterms from her teaching assistant. I started to walk home in the cold when I was greeted by the sound of a car honking it’s horn. For a brief moment I hoped it was Allison. I turned and spotted a familiar black Honda. It was Hal the physics professor who lived in our building. “It’s much too cold to be walking.” He called out to me in his crisp British accent. “Care for a lift home Dr. Grant?”
Hal and I chatted about the weather and the upcoming holiday. Being British meant that, Thanksgiving wasn’t a huge deal to him. But he was grateful for the time off and he planned on spending it with his girlfriend and her family. I didn’t elaborate on my plans not really knowing just what they entailed at that point. I looked at Hal’s well-pressed suit and noted that he was a classy dresser in both men’s and women’s clothing. After first meeting Hal, it took me awhile to understand that just because a man liked to dress as a woman did not mean he was gay. I thanked him for the ride when we arrived at the house.
I went into my apartment trying to decide on whether to take a shower or go to the local video store and rent some movies to past the time over the holiday weekend. There was a knock on my door. Somehow I knew before I opened it that she would be standing on the other side. “Hello.” I greeted her coolly.
“Truce?” Allison offered shyly.
“Hmm.” I grunted.
“Still want to spend the holiday with my family?” She asked hesitantly.
“I don’t know.” I replied honestly.
“I meant what I said about keeping your friendship.” Allison said warmly.
I just stood there staring at her as my mind told me one the thing and my heart another. Why were the two in constant conflict lately? “Please.” Allison prodded. “I don’t think I could bare it if I lost your friendship.”
“Fine.” I agreed reluctantly. My heart had won out against my better judgment I packed an overnight bag and met Allison at the car. The cold winter air sliced through my body. I was thankful that Allison’s car had heated seats. As we drove down Rte. 128 it began to snow. I found myself wondering if what Chris had told me about Allison’s reactions to the changing weather were true. As we drove in the mass of holiday commuters the only sounds in the car were emanating from the windshield wipers.
The silence was unbearable. For some reason I wanted to scream. “Was this what finding love was really like?”. I found it difficult to understand that I would find that one person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life only to end up miserable. I felt the pain rip through me. How was I going to sit down to dinner with her family? Knowing that there was a wall between us. “Stop the car!” I shouted suddenly.
My screaming visibly shook Allison. Somehow she managed to pull the car over safely into the breakdown lane. Not without several other cars honking their horns in anger. Once the car came to a complete stop I jumped out slamming the door behind me. Allison followed me as I began to pace on the snow-covered pavement. Her face was painted with a startled expression. “You’re such a jerk!” I shouted finally. There I had said it. “I met you in August and from the first moment I saw you, I knew. I knew! You are the one. Because of this my life has been turned upside down.” I blew out a heavy breath as I finished not certain my words made any sense but somehow not caring.
“I never asked you to turn your life upside down.” Allison argued.
“Didn’t you?” I countered loudly. “You encouraged me every step of the way. And when everything was starting to make sense again you ran away.”
She just stood there looking guilty with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her camel hair coat. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. “Don’t you dare!” I screamed. The anger in my voice began to frighten me. I felt as if I was fighting to stay alive. “Is this why I came out? So you could leave me?” I accused her. “Tell me why? Just tell me why you are running away from me. From us?”