"You? Like what?" Now, apparently in the kitchen, she clanged the coffeemaker's pot under running water.
"Stuff I had told him in confidence. Like some phone calls I had received after his article came out and Ruby's assault."
"Her what?"
"It's a long story," I said. "But, he also had my sister and brother's names written down, plus my parents." Shock and betrayal shrouded my logic; I needed Emma to help me think, to take an unemotional view, to console me.
Emma stayed quiet for a while. "Okay, maybe he just wants to remember things you told him. You know, to keep things about you straight… No, shit, that sounded lame even as I said it. What are you thinking?"
"I want to believe he's not up to anything, but I can't understand why he's keeping notes on me." I kicked off my shoes and grabbed my cigarettes. "He has notes on everywhere I told him I've been."
"What can he do with that information?" she asked, then answered her own question, "Nothing." Cabinet doors slammed in the background, and her muffled voice came through from the phone wedged between her shoulder and chin. "I need more sugar, damn. Sorry, now the notes on you were in the file on your uncle. Why?"
I thought for a moment, my mind making and breaking connections. "Could be that the file really is about Vernon 's campaign, and my notes are just to get more information about his family, which just happens to include me." Not sure if that fit, but glad to have something, I relaxed my clenched jaw and lit a cigarette. "But, I don't want to be used for politics. He can get his information from other places. The file must be political. You think?"
"Could be. The file didn't have your name. God damn it! That fucking cat shit on the side of the litter box again. Lola," she screamed, "you whore!"
Just like being there, I thought. "Hey, Emma, you leave that cat alone. At least it wasn't in your shoe."
"My shoes!" Footsteps and the phone ran back to her bedroom. "Good thing for her ass she didn't get near my shoes." Emma's voice calmed. "When you coming back? We miss you."
"Sounds like you and Lola are getting along better since I left." They had been mortal enemies since Emma moved in.
"Yeah, we're bonding."
"Two divas in the same house will always cause friction," I said.
"Darling," she purred, "three divas usually occupy this place. When are you coming home?"
Home. A moment passed before I realized she meant San Francisco. Charlotte had slipped into my soul as the place of family, the place that needed me, that I needed. The idea of leaving didn't appeal; it didn't even seem possible, I had so much to do. Mark and I had to resolve our relationship; Valerie needed encouragement to marry and start her own family; Ruby deserved someone to watch over her; Tim had to have someone on his side, someone to trust; Dad wasn't getting any younger, nor Grandma. Gladys and Vernon could rot in hell. But overall, the pluses outweighed the minuses of life in Charlotte.
"Hello? You still there?" she asked.
"Yeah, I don't know yet. I'll call you in a couple of days." We said our good-byes, and I hung up the phone. Ruby would be released from the hospital soon, so I decided to straighten up the house, then get to Carolinas Med to bring her home.
RUBY HAD HER clothes on and bag packed when I walked in her room. Her cardinal-crested hair had been coiffed for the short ride home. I noticed the style partially covered the bump on her forehead.
"Look at you," I smiled. "I feel lucky to have such a beautiful woman to escort out of here."
"Sally came by this morning and set my hair." She patted the side of her head with care.
"Sally?" I asked.
"She's the girl that fixes my hair. Valerie called her." Perched on the side of the bed, she beamed.
"That was very nice of Val to think of it."
"I just feel a hundred percent better with my hair done."
Another diva in my life, I thought. "I know what you mean. Nothing feels better than looking good."
"I taught you well," she smiled. "So when can we go?"
"The nurse wanted Dr. McConnell to stop by to release you. She should be here any minute." I glanced at the door as if I had just given the cue for the doctor to walk in, but she must have missed it. "Got any of those chocolates left?"
Ruby just grinned, cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "They're all gone. Those nurses must get hungry during the night."
"Nurses, my ass. Ruby Harris, you ate that entire pound of chocolate." I tried to act stern, crossing my arms and frowning.
Late on her cue, but finally showing, Dr. McConnell walked in the room. "Ms. Harris, you passed all your tests." She took a seat across from Ruby and glanced at her clipboard. "I want you to lose some weight."
I tried to catch Ruby's attention to give her an I-told-you-so look, but she kept her eyes on the doctor.
"And, I've talked with your family doctor and set an appointment for a week from tomorrow for you. Call him right away if you have blurred vision or headaches, but I think you should be fine." The doctor scribbled something on her clipboard. "Okay, you can check out at the nurse's station." She got up to leave, then turned back to Ruby. "And I don't want to see you in here again. Stop wrestling burglars."
Ruby giggled, "I bet he got the worst of it." We checked out, and once in the car, Ruby asked, "Can we drive by the cemetery? I want to see if the grave stone has been placed for Walterene."
"Are you sure you're up for it?" I asked, pulling the car out of the parking deck into the bright sun.
"I haven't done anything but rest for the past three days. I want to go. Turn right."
"Okay, maybe we can stop for lunch-if you aren't full on chocolates," I kidded. "Where's your favorite lunch place?"
She stared out the window for a while, not responding.
"Ruby? You okay?" I worried she might still be experiencing lapses from her head injury.
She turned to me with a sad smile. "I miss Walterene. We would go to lunch on sunny spring days like this, or maybe do a little browsing at Park Road Shopping Center. But here I am, old and alone."
"You have me," I offered.
Her smile widened a bit. "You have your own life back in California."
"Valerie and the rest of the family are here. I know they come to visit."
Her gaze returned to the passing houses and small shops as we drove down Seventh Street. "Do you know I have never lived by myself? Walterene and I moved into that house straight from our parents' houses." She rubbed her eyes. "I don't know what to do with myself without her."
"We're only a phone call away. Valerie is just a few minutes' drive from you." As I said it, I realized that hadn't been the case Saturday when she'd been attacked. No one was there to help her; she had been alone and vulnerable. I wanted to say I would stay with her, but knew that was impossible, even if I lived in Charlotte. My hand found hers. "Ruby, you'll be fine. We all go through changes, losses, but we keep going. Wouldn't that be what Walterene would tell you?"
She turned toward me. "Yes, Walterene would say, 'Ruby, toughen up,'" She began to cry again.
I pulled off the road into a gas station. "I miss her, too."
We hugged and cried until neither of us could catch our breath. "Okay," I sniffed, "let's not let Walterene see us bawling like two old women."
She laughed a short snort. "Right. She wouldn't like that."
At the cemetery, the day glowed warmer and brighter than the last time. Of course, the lack of hundreds of mourners dressed like black crows crying over the open grave made this visit easier to manage. Only Ruby and I stood over the dirt patch that outlined Walterene's plot. The mourning crows had been replaced by cardinal-crested Ruby and me, the scruffy robin confused about where to nest.
I wandered away from the grave to allow Ruby some time alone with her thoughts and Walterene. I found myself under the same low-branched willow oak where Mark and I had talked after the burial, sat on the cool grass, and looked up through the branches at the deep blue sky. "Walterene," I called. "Please look out for Ruby. I failed." But she probably already knew that. "I don't know how to help her, but I will do whatever it takes. You or someone up there- you know, maybe someone with a high rank and experience, like maybe Mary or Joseph, maybe even Jesus-could help me find the way to do it right, to make her feel safe and loved the way you did." I didn't pray very well in words, but I cleared my mind and pictured Ruby happy and strong, living on her own. "Thank you."