“I’m seriously fine, Finn. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah.”
I hear his footsteps and then my door open but not close.
I look back over my shoulder as I pull the blanket off the bed to see he’s standing in a doorway between two rooms.
“Our rooms connect,” he tells me. “I’ll leave my door open. If you need anything, let me know.”
I nod. “Thank you. I’m just really tired.”
“I’m closing the door. The other is locked.” He gestures toward the main door. “No one is going to—”
“Fine! Okay! I get it!” The dam breaks.
I want him to go away. I want to be alone. I want a corner to crawl in, someplace to break down so I can build myself up again.
He storms at me, and I instinctively hug my knees and close my eyes, protecting myself like I tried to do that night. I know it’s stupid, but I’m anxious now, and that doesn’t help me when I try to pull it together.
The bed dips beside me, and then his arms surround me. I move until my back is to him as he holds me tightly.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers, his lips against the back of my head. “No one’s gonna fucking touch you. No one.”
I silently cry with my face buried into my knees, and he doesn’t let go.
I drift asleep, allowing myself to believe him.
***
I wake up to my phone’s vibration from my alarm, the one that tells me “time to take your pill and get out of bed; it’s seven thirty in the morning.” I never needed an alarm after Noah … Well, until I started my business and Aunt Margie insisted I sleep in and that she would care for Noah.
Finn’s passed out, and his boots are still on. I must have kept him up all night.
I remember dreaming—no, I remember nightmares: the slice of the knife across my belly; his words telling me he wished he didn’t have to do this, yet I left him no choice; the second attempted slice when I grabbed the butcher knife in his hand; and then the blow to the back of my head.
I slip out from under Finn’s arm and go into the bathroom, take a quick shower, and blow dry my hair. When I come out, he’s still asleep, looking peaceful.
I see my bags by the door and grab them, taking them to the bathroom to dress. When I come out, he is still in the same spot.
I look at him one last time before I grab the bag of electronics, then head out to find a place to work before my real job begins at ten this morning.
The Texas weather is already hot, especially for an Ohio girl, so I am thankful to find a covered patio area with tables, and it has outdoor fans to move the air around.
I log-on to my blog e-mail and see over seven hundred e-mails of product review requests. I am shocked Margie hasn’t touched them since I left. Hell, she hasn’t even complained. Well, not since I transferred ten grand into the household account.
I sort through them, accepting and denying each one. Two months ago, I would have accepted all of them. Today, I don’t have time, but I have to make time. It’s money, a way to get back on track.
“Hey, you’re up early,” Tally says as she walks up to me.
“Yeah, just figured I’d get caught up on some personal stuff before starting the day.”
“Personal stuff?” She sits and looks at me. “Oh.” Her hand covers her mouth. “Never mind, I should never have asked a personal—”
“I have a son, Tally.” Saying it out loud feels so good, like a weight lifted off my heart. Even after last night’s set back, the new desire to finally move forward and step outside the literal gates feels good.
“A what?”
I look up when I hear Memphis, who sits down.
“A son,” I say, allowing the truth to shine as brightly as Noah’s smile does when he looks at me. “He’s four and beautiful. He is my reason for—” I stop when I see Memphis look over me, and I glance back to see he is looking at River.
“How old were you when you had him?” River asks.
I clear my throat. “Almost seventeen.”
“Well, shit.” He plops down.
Finn walks around the table then and sits directly across from me. I can’t see his eyes, so I don’t know if he’s all right with my confession. I don’t know why I care, but I do.
“He live with his dad or your mom or—”
“What’s with the twenty questions?” Finn asks, lifting his chin at River. “She has a kid. Big deal.”
“Just asking, man. My mom left when I was, like, two. Joined the circus as the fat lady and—”
“Shut the hell up, really?” Billy asks, sitting next to River.
“Hell no, she was too young to raise me. Probably should have aborted me.” He laughs and looks around. No one else laughs. “A joke, man.”
“Stupid fucking joke,” Finn grumbles, sitting back in his chair.
I look around, finding all eyes are on me, seeking an explanation, I assume.
“He’s at our house. My aunt lives with us. She’s caring for him while I’m away.”
“No need to explain, Sonya,” Finn says before taking a sip of his coffee.
I shrug. “I don’t want it to be a secret.”
“Shouldn’t be. You’re doing what you have to do to raise your kid. That’s something to be proud of,” he says and stands up. “I need a smoke.”
“I’m coming, too,” River says, following him.
Nick, Taelyn, and Xavier join us. I can feel my cheeks flush, embarrassed by what I overheard last night. Porn sex? I wonder if they make videos, and if so, why? Certainly not for the money.
“Today, Steel Total Destruction has a photo shoot,” Taelyn announces. “We have a full color page ad with Rolling Stone magazine. Look fresh.” She looks at Tally and me. “And we are going to meet with Tainted Knights’ manager, Emmie, while they rehearse on stage.” She looks at me. “Photo op for us?”
“Of course.” I smile.
Taelyn is amazing. She seems to understand and value the work I do. She also seems willing to entertain ideas about promotion that others, like Finn, want to balk at.
I shove everything in my bag and go to stand as Xavier says, “Sit down. Breakfast is on its way.”
***
Emmie Armstrong and Tainted Knights arrive at Toyota Stadium at one o’clock to begin set up. Taelyn and Emma stand at the side of the stage and start talking while Tally and I set out to take as many pictures as we can.
“I don’t remember who is who.” She laughs.
“Jace, vocals; Grey, founder of the band, guitarist, and vocals; Kale is on drums; Tate, or Sin, is bass; and Cash, bass, keys, and vocals,” I tell her as I snap pictures.
“I don’t know how you remember all of them.” She shakes her head.
“It’s my job.” I smile, snapping more photos.
When I feel we have enough, Tally and I sit and download them. I then save them in a cloud we can both access.
“You start at the top; I’ll start at the bottom. Use the photo app to add the overlay with the concert information, and then we will come up with a posting plan.”
“Sounds good.” She nods. “Sonya?”
“Yeah?” I ask, looking up from my laptop.
“Do you have a nickname besides None-ya?”
“No.” I laugh.
“Well, they call me Tales sometimes. You need a nickname,” she whispers the last part, and it makes me smile.
At four o’clock, we finally have all of our picture files set and ready to roll when Memphis comes in and sneaks behind Tally, kissing her neck.
“Hello, hot stuff.”
“Well, hi there, hotter stuff.” She giggles.
He walks in front of her and scowls. “Not even close.”
She scowls back in a joking manner. “I’d rather look at you any day than at a mirror, so tails, I win.”
I feel him, smell him; I know he’s close. I look up, and Finn is looking down over his sunglasses. His gaze hits my eyes first then my lips, and they immediately go dry, so I lick them. His jaw muscles pop, his nostrils flare a bit, and then he pulls out a cigarette.
“Going for a smoke. Wanna come with me?” he asks River.