Tally laughs, then covers her mouth. Taelyn looks relieved. Xavier is with River and the security crew.
“Go in peace, drink responsibly, don’t fucking smoke on stage”—he laughs, pointing at Finn who holds his hands up as if to say ‘not me,’—“and when you get rocked tonight, fuck like you’ve never fucked before. I know I will.” The crowd freaks out again as he waves. “Goodnight, everyone.”
When Finn comes off stage, his eyes are murky, hazy, and still beautiful as they seek me out. The hair on the back of my neck immediately stands on end, and I know I need to find a corner and hide from the hurricane that appears to be coming … for me.
Quickly, I turn and head for the backdoor. I open it, the wind pricking my skin as I walk down the cement path toward the parking lot. Then I hear the door open, then boots thudding toward me.
I just need time to regroup, but apparently, he isn’t going to allow it.
“Sonya, stop,” he growls.
I don’t want to run after her, spook her, but if she doesn’t turn the fuck around, I will have no other choice.
I reach in my pocket for a cigarette, fucking anxious as all hell, as she stops yet doesn’t turn around. I light it up and wait.
Finally, she turns around. “Do you really need that?”
“Yeah,” I say on an exhale.
“Why?’
“It calms me down,” I answer before taking another drag.
She crosses her arms. “And the pot?”
I exhale. “Relaxes me.”
“You didn’t need it in Houston,” she states.
I nod. “Different times.”
“How so?”
I shake my head and take another drag. You weren’t running, I think to myself.
“You need to stop smoking. It’s a disgusting habit.”
I just look at for a moment. “It’s not a habit.”
“No? Then what is it?”
“Come closer, and I’ll tell you,” I say as I inhale the last drag, toss it down, then stomp it out with my boot.
“You come here,” she says as she looks down at her feet.
Good plan, I think to myself.
It takes three long strides to get to her, and then two eyes gazes up at me, telling me she wants me, one kiss to make the fear go away.
I grip her hips and pull her close, and she relaxes into me immediately. I then take my hands from her hips and hold her face, tilting it to the side before pushing my tongue in deeper. Her thumbs hook into my belt loops, and then she pulls me even closer as her tongue begins stroking mine in return.
I slowly pull my mouth away, leaving one hand on her face and rubbing up her back with the other.
“Tell me,” she says quietly.
“A replacement for that.”
She leans forward and rests her head on my chest. “Didn’t I scare you away last night?”
“Scare me away?” I tilt her chin so I am looking in her eyes again. “Not a chance, Yaya. I was just waiting for you to give me the green light. Took you long enough.”
“How was me being pissed at you the green light?” she asks, tugging down on my loops.
“You were looking at me. You were showing some sort of emotion. You let loose the badass you’ve been lugging around all day.”
She looks up at me, her eyebrows slightly arched.
“There she is again.”
“Then you should run,” she says, shaking her head. “I need a little badass to continue on the path I am choosing to follow.”
“Is there room on that path for someone to stand in the shadows and help you out once in a while?”
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. “I need to take this time to become strong. You should do the same.”
“I’m strong. I’m really fucking strong.” I pull her closer, afraid if I don’t, she’ll walk away when I know damn well she can be stronger with me.
“Prove it?”
“Are we twelve?”
“No, Finn. We are much older than twelve, and look at the time we’ve both wasted being drawn down by our demons.” She looks to the side. “I want you to be happy. I want you to—” She pauses, and then her hand touches the side of my face, her fingers stroking my beard. “I want you to see. Like the song, Finn. I want you to see.”
“I see you. I see the parts of you that you hide, the parts of you that you don’t let anyone else see. Make no mistake about that. I see you.”
“And when I am where I want to be, where I know I can be, what will you see then?”
I look at her, certain she’s pushing me away, but she hasn’t let go, even if she’s telling herself she has. “I see me taking you on a date.”
She looks completely shocked. “A date?”
“Yes, because my demons don’t drive me, Yaya. They make me stronger, but they don’t drive me.”
“Prove it,” she says, trying not to smile.
“Will do.”
“Finn,” she sighs and shakes her head again. “Smart girls don’t date rock stars.”
“No, lucky ones date men who create music.” As she bites her lip, I lean in and whisper, “On and in between the sheets.”
She can’t contain the smile now, and the look in her eyes is unmistakable.
“I know you want me, and I want you bad,” I tell her.
“Bad?” she says, swallowing back her desire.
“Really bad. You and I are dating now,” I inform her.
“We are?” she says, lifting her chin and licking her lips. “Wait, wait, wait. We can’t. I can’t. We—”
“Spit it out, Yaya,” I say, pulling her to me more tightly.
“I don’t want anyone to … I like how things … Oh, Finn, this isn’t a good idea,” she sighs, looking so frustrated it drives me insane and makes me hard.
“You can pretend all you want, but don’t ask me to.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she whispers, her eyes shifting around as if she thinks someone will see us.
“It means I’m not going to act like I don’t like to be around you,” I answer.
“I can’t. People will dig, Finn. People will find out who I am. Besides, I have no idea what is going to happen to me when this tour’s over.”
The frustration she feels, I feel it, too. I feel it for her.
“I gave up giving a shit about what people think of me a long time ago,” I say, easing my hold on her a little, but fuck if I will let go. “I understand, though.”
She looks at me in confusion.
“We’re good friends, really good friends. I won’t hide from the people in this circle, but I can promise you I will do what it takes to keep the outside world out. Don’t ask me for any more than that.”
“I don’t want them to know, either,” she argues.
“About your past, I feel you; I understand, but—”
She puts her finger over my mouth. “No buts, Finn.”
I groan in frustration, then lean in and kiss her before stepping back. “I hope, when you feel comfortable, you can trust them. I do.”
“I hope you can let go of what’s causing you to … smoke and stuff.”
“Letting go would cause it to be worse,” I say without thinking.
“Meaning?” Not having you, that’s what I mean.
“Meaning I will get my shit together, and you’ll see my past doesn’t prevent me from chasing whatever the hell it is I want.”
“You scare me,” slips out of her mouth.
“No need for that.”
“Do you understand that I am trying to be strong?”
“I sure as hell do. Let me help you.”
“Finn, have you tried to help River?”
Reality hits me, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
“You’re afraid because—” Oh fuck no.
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair.”
“But something that’s eating at you. Have I tried to help River? No, he has to want it. You may think I’m a mess now, but I’m not. I was a hell of a lot worse once. I gave zero fucks about anything, including myself. I care about my music. I’m realizing a dream, and I will hold on to it by any means possible. Right now, I am stronger than I was a week ago, and in a week, I’ll be stronger than I am now. You will be, too, little Yaya.” I smile at her new nickname. “We’ll do this together.”