“Light and dark, black and white,” he says to me right before he says, “Jesse was mine, too,” and passes out.
Xavier looks at me as they wheel him out of the room. “What the hell is he talking about?”
I shrug as rage boils inside of me.
Noah is going to stay with Taelyn for tonight since they won’t let me leave, and I have never left him with anyone but Margie. I hope he won’t be scared. Then again, if he saw me right now, he would certainly be afraid.
I look up to see Finn slide through the door before he shuts it behind him. For the first time, I am truly afraid of him.
I close my eyes tightly as tears fall down my face, listening to him sit, yet he doesn’t say a thing.
I wish he would leave. I wish I had never come here.
“You awake?” he asks quietly.
“Please, just don’t.” I sob into my hands.
He sighs. “Don’t what? Ask if you’re okay? Tell you I’m sorry for putting you in his vehicle? Ask you how long you knew about”—he pauses—“him and her?”
I should answer him; maybe then he will go away.
I wipe away my tears. “He has a joker tattoo. The joker is mentioned in the book. I didn’t realize that’s what she meant. Your tattoos weren’t mentioned.”
“I didn’t have any then,” he says quietly.
“Until I saw it, I never put it together that her dark knight and white knight weren’t two different moods or a poetic reference. They were two different men. She loved both dark and light, and there was never a mention of whose child she was—”
“You okay?” he asks, cutting me off.
“Been better, been worse,” is all I say.
He looks at me and shakes his head then stands and leans toward me.
“Please don’t hurt me.”
His body stiffens, and he looks at me like those words wounded him. Then the door opens, and a nurse walks in. I am relieved someone else is in the room.
She looks at him then me. “Something for the pain yet?”
I shake my head, and she sighs. “Push the call bell if you change your mind.”
I nod, and then she walks back out the door.
“Sonya, take something,” he almost pleads.
“I can’t,” I say.
“Why?”
Taelyn walks in the room and looks at me then at him and back at me. Once I shake my head at her, she nods once and then looks back at him.
“Are you staying?”
He shakes his head. “She needs something to help her sleep. She is refusing pain meds and—”
“You can take something, Sonya. It’s okay.”
I ignore her and ask, “How is Noah?”
“He’s asleep at our place. Joe said he fell asleep on the couch. He’s fine. I will bring him by in the morning.” She leans down and whispers, “Tell him,” in my ear before kissing my head.
I shake my head again.
“Tell me what?” Finn asks.
“Please, just go. I’m tired. Just … go.” Fear of him and want for him doesn’t mix well.
He walks slowly toward the door then looks back. “I’m sorry.”
His head hangs low as he walks out.
Taelyn looks at me. “You’re gonna have to face the music soon, Sonya. Get some sleep tonight. I’ll call you in the morning before I bring Noah by.”
“Keep him safe, please, Taelyn. Keep him safe.”
“Of course.”
***
I wake up, and I swear I can still smell him. The nurse comes in and checks my vitals, telling me I will have a hard cast put on my leg in a couple hours. She also suggests I take something for the pain.
“I’m fine.”
She shakes her head. “The word is stubborn, not fine. Pregnant women take pain pills that don’t pass through the placenta, and you are so early that the baby is in a bulletproof case. They are going to set your leg, and it’s not going to be pleasant.”
“I’ll take that into consideration,” I say with a nod.
After she leaves, Taelyn calls.
“Good morning. I have a little boy who would love to see his mom. Is it okay if—?”
“Yes. Yes, please. And he needs a booster seat; he’s not tall enough or heavy enough to—”
“Xavier is already on it. He’s, like, the safety police in the family.” She laughs. Then I hear Noah laugh in the background. “He is, right?” I can tell she’s asking Noah.
“Uh-huh.” He giggles.
“How long?” I ask anxiously.
“Half an hour max.”
“Perfect. Taelyn, I don’t know how to thank you. I am so grateful for—”
“That’s what family does, Sonya. We are one, big, dysfunctional family that functions. Does that even make any sense?” She laughs.
“Thank you.” What a horrible situation to be in, love pouring in and wanting to just run as fast as you can to get away, while you have a broken leg.
I sit back and try to get comfortable. It’s impossible, though. Then I look up and notice Finn standing there. Fear teases me, but his eyes make it nearly impossible to be afraid.
“You’re pregnant?” he asks, unmoving.
“How…? What…? I—”
“I’ve been in the hallway all night, Sonya. I heard her say it.” He motions his head in the direction of the nurses’ station. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re scaring me.” I almost stutter when I say it.
“I’m scaring you?” He’s pissed, but then it’s as if he changes his mind. “Oh. Oh, fuck. Jesus—”
“Please leave. Please leave, because—”
He holds up his hand, stopping me. “Just answer the question. Are you having my child?”
“I am.” I swallow. “I didn’t know … I don’t know if … I was in an accident, and I don’t know what—”
“You’re afraid of me?” His voice vibrates the air when he speaks.
“I’m terrified of you,” I admit. “Completely and totally terrified.”
He closes his eyes and shakes his head, then walks out.
When Taelyn and Noah arrive, I feel relief sweep over me.
“Wow, Mom, you got boo-boos.”
“I do, but it’s okay. Climb up here and snuggle me. I missed your snuggles.”
“I missed you, too, but Momma Joe is a super snuggler.”
“I’m so glad.” I laugh as he climbs up on my right side, the side that was bruised badly from my body hitting the passenger door.
“I’m sorry you got hurt, Mommy.”
“Accidents happen, Noah, but I’m gonna be fine.”
“Better than fine,” Taelyn says. “Tell her the big surprise, Noah.”
He grins from ear to ear. “I can?”
“Of course you can.” She laughs.
“The house in Ohio sold!”
“It what?”
He nods. “The retailer called your work phone. The lady who answered called her, and she telled me. So we get to live here by the ocean, Mommy.”
“Realtor,” I smile and tears fall.
“Yep, that. It’s okay. We can get a new one … with security.”
His words bring me to a new level of realization. He sees all of my insecurities, all of my flaws, and not only does he see them, but he recognizes them. I am so ashamed to think of the damage I have unknowingly caused him.
“I’m not sad, Noah. I’m happy.”
“Good. Me, too.”
After they leave, the nurse comes in. “We are going to wait until tomorrow to set your leg. We want to make sure all the swelling has gone down, and again, I am offering pain medicine.”
“No thank you,” I say, earning a harsh look. “I would like my phone.” I point to the outlet. “I can’t get to it.”
“And you should eat something,” she mutters, but I ignore her.
“And if you could tell me how River is?”
“He’s out of surgery,” she says, shaking her head. “Your friend is a pain in the ass.”
“Is that your professional opinion?” I smile.
She laughs, shaking her head. “Both personal and professional.”
***
I wake to his voice. “You Mommy’s friend from the picture?”