“No, motherfucker, I loved you. I felt the same burn inside as you did after losing her. I didn’t know who you were mourning over a pile of coke. I just knew you lost something. When I figured it out, there wasn’t shit I could do about it. But you stand there, judging me—”
“I intend on doing just that. I wish you the best, but you and I, we are nothing.”
“Fuck you and fuck the bitch you’re putting it in!”
I walk out the door and look at Memphis. “Find a replacement or I’m done.”
“You shitting me? Find a replacement? Motherfucker has a year of therapy and surgeries ahead of him; don’t walk now. He needs you—not me, not Billy; he needs you to tell him you understand, that you—”
“No Memphis. Find a replacement or I’m out.”
***
I offered to take Noah with me so he could get some rest, but Sonya thought it best he stay where he had the night before—with X and Taelyn. She reminded me that she didn’t want to push anything on him this quickly, and I told her we have nine months to get him used to the idea. I think she took that as we would keep two separate homes and date for a while. She is out of her fucking mind. Regardless, I’ll let her think that for now.
I hold her all night. She is asleep, passed out, but just being with her brings me peace. The nurses stop complaining when I threaten to get River riled up again.
Her face is cut up. She has stitches in her hairline, but damn if she isn’t still beautiful.
She opens her eyes in the middle of the night while I am staring at what was her sleeping face.
“What are you doing?” she asks, still half out of it.
“Thinking,” I answer then kiss her head, careful not to hurt her in the process.
“About?” She closes her eyes.
“That most men would run for the hills if they were in my position. Most do. Those aren’t real men; they are boys. You deserve a man, and I swear on Blow Pops and airplane blow jobs that you have one.”
“If you want to talk about her with me, Finn, or about River or—”
“No, that’s the past. My only regrets are not staying and listening to you about that journal.”
“I still have it. I want you to read it. Maybe it will help.”
“Give it to River. I don’t want it. I want here. I want now. I want you.”
“You can mend it with him.”
“No. No, fuck that. He lied to me.”
“But so did I,” she whispers.
“No, you didn’t. You—you told me.”
“But it took a long time.”
“But you tried, and even when I asked you not to, you told me.”
“I couldn’t live with the lie.”
“He could.” I look at her. “I am so sorry. So, so sorry.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t be. Just talk to me.”
“Not about that. Please, just keep it in the past.”
“Okay, how about the second regret?”
“Not fucking you in the back seat of the SUV when that is really all I wanted to do. If I hadn’t been so fucking stubborn, you wouldn’t be in here, and as much as I despise him, he wouldn’t be in there.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Finn. The truck ran a red light. It was an accident.”
“God, I love you.”
She sighs. “I love you.”
“I love you truly.”
Her eyes open, and she looks at me. “I love you truly, too.”
***
The next day, Noah and I take her laptop while she is getting a bath and search for houses. When she comes back in, she asks what we are doing, and Noah tells her finding a new house for her, him, and me, ’cause we are a family, a real family.
She looks at me, and I can’t help smirking. She doesn’t respond.
After she’s released, we pull up to the house River, Billy, and I share. Noah is ecstatic that we’re on the beach. He gets out and runs right to the little yard on the side toward the water.
“Go get him.”
“He’s just looking at the water. He—”
“Finn.” Her voice trembles.
I stick two fingers in my mouth and whistle loudly. “Noah, come on back and help me out.”
He stops and turns around. “Then I get to go touch the water?”
“Is he bartering with me, Yaya?” I ask, looking at three foot nothing who thinks he’s six-four.
She laughs and nods. “He is.”
“And it’s normal?”
“It’s expected.” She lifts her left leg and swings it around. “We gotta hurry.”
“You do know I’m a good three-foot taller than you, right, Noah?” His eyes narrow. “And a lot bigger than you.” He shrugs, looking confused. “All right then, now that we have that all cleared up, can you grab your mother’s purse?” I lift her up, and he laughs. “She’s slow. We’ll get to the water much faster.”
“I got her crutches, too.”
“Cool, little man.”
***
I sit and listen to her phone conversation with her aunt.
“No, I’m not changing my mind.” She stops to listen. “The house is on the market. I’m not changing my mind.” Again, she stops, looks at me, and covers the receiver “If she knows it sold, she will do something horrible.” I nod as she continues to listen. “No, I’m not giving you any of the profit, Margie. You took out a second mortgage for two hundred thousand dollars.” She looks over at me, and the hurt in her eyes crushes me.
I put my hand out and mouth, “Phone.”
She shakes her head no, but I take it, anyway.
“Finn, don’t. She’s—”
“This is Finn. I just wanted to let you know you’re lucky that Sonya doesn’t press charges for fraud, embezzlement, and driving with Noah in the car while you were fucked up.”
“It was pain medication, not illegal. It was prescribed for my TMJ after getting assaulted by my ex.” Her voice cracks.
“He hit you?”
“Yes, he did. It was awful—”
“Should have hit you harder,” I say, serious as shit.
Sonya covers her mouth and tries not to laugh.
“What did you just say?” the bitch gasps.
“You come near her, and I’ll make sure you wish the son-of-a-bitch did. You call here again, and I will push for an investigation to be opened whether or not Sonya wants one. She and Noah are gonna start living and stop giving to fucking leeches like you. Have a shitty night, bitch.” I hang up and look at Sonya. “If she calls here again, I want to know.”
She nods. “Okay.”
I look at her lips, then her eyes and then her lips again. “I want you so damn bad.” I push her hair back, resting my hand on her neck as I pull her toward me.
“We have to wait for the doctor’s okay.”
“Killing me,” I grumble, kissing her lips.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
I watch as Finn and Memphis carry the couch through the French doors that lead to the back patio of our new home.
It all happened fast. When it came down between two houses—one on the beach and one just outside of the city with ten acres and a barn—I picked the house that wasn’t on the water.
Finn and Noah ganged up on me. They seem to do that a lot lately. Finn says I over-think everything, that being spontaneous once in a while would feel good. Then Finn smiled at me, and God, his smile made me weak, and strong, and so very happy.
“That means four wheelers,” Noah whispered to Finn, and then they fist bumped each other.
A week later, we both put our money together and bought a house. It is in both our names. His and mine. Ours.
With no mortgage, nothing to figure out or plan for, we just need to live and love. That’s what I painted above the brick fireplace in our living room, just above the obnoxious sixty-inch flat screen.
I watch Finn and Memphis set down the first part of the huge U-shaped sectional that will be the center of the room, a place where Noah will grow up listening to music, watching TV, and witnessing the love a real man shows to a woman.