Itouched the sun.
The knowledge that being his lover had meant so much to Carla disarmed Luke. He had taken something from her that she could give only once, yet she had no recriminations, no harsh words, no hints of the raw truth: he had been experienced, she had not. He had known where the kisses would inevitably end. She had not. He should have controlled himself.
He had not.
Gently Luke pulled Carla from the folds of the sleeping bag and into his arms. He wanted to tell her that knowing he had pleased her made him feel proud and powerful and oddly humble, but he had no words, nothing to give her in return, nothing to remake the unchangeable instant when elemental need had transformed her, taking virginity and bringing ecstasy in return.
"I’m glad I brought you pleasure," Luke said huskily. "I would take back every instant if I could, but not that. It’s so rare, sunshine. So damned rare."
The feel of Carla’s warm, bare skin against his body as she put her arms around him made Luke ache with more than sexual need. He held her close, rocking very slowly, smoothing her hair with the palm of his hand, knowing with a combination of sweetness and sadness that she had touched him in a way no other woman had, taking him to the sun, sharing the burning center of life itself with him.
And he could not have her again.
He must not For her sake, and for his own. He was all wrong for her. She was all wrong for him, a modern woman on a ranch where time stood still, imprisoning women, breaking them. Carla was far too generous and beautiful to be destroyed like that. She deserved more than he had given her. She deserved to be cherished, protected, revered…sunshine in a world that knew too much darkness.
Luke touched Carla’s lips with a single brushing kiss before he loosened his arms and led her the few steps to the fire. Without a word he poured part of a bucket of warm water into a washpan, swirled a cloth around, soaped it and handed it to her.
"If you’re shy about washing in front of me, I’ll take a walk," he said quietly.
Carla’s hand was shaking so much the slippery cloth eluded her fingers. Luke caught the warm, soapy cloth and looked questioningly at her.
"Are you sure you’re all right?"
"I’m s-sorry," she said, trying to control her voice.
But Carla did no better steadying her voice than she had her hands. She ducked her head, hiding her eyes as she tried to take the cloth from Luke’s hand.
He didn’t let go. Instead he put his other hand beneath her chin so that she had to meet his eyes.
"Sunshine, what’s wrong?"
"Don’t you know?"
Helplessly Carla looked at the tempting masculine pelt curling down until it narrowed and vanished beneath the jeans he had pulled on without bothering to button them more than halfway. As she saw the faint crescents and scratches on his skin, memories of last night swept over her. He had been so perfect as a lover and she had been so eager, so breathless, so inexperienced. No wonder he wasn’t doing handsprings at having her naked in his arms again. She had clawed him like a cat, left marks on him, bitten him, demanding him, all of him.
Carla sucked in her breath, closing her eyes, unable to face Luke with the memory of her own wantonness burning in her mind.
"No, I guess you don’t know," Carla said, her tone ashamed and almost bitter. "Why should you? I don’t affect you the same way you affect me."
"Look at me," Luke said, his voice deep, gentle, soothing. "Tell me what’s wrong."
Carla’s eyes opened. She looked through Luke rather than at him.
"In case you hadn’t noticed," she said tightly, "I’m stark naked and you’re nearly so, and you can make me tremble when you’re fully clothed and clear across the room. It was bad enough before last night, but now it’s worse. I want you. Istill wantyou. And you don’t…you don’t want…" Her voice frayed.
Blood hammered explosively through Luke, wrenching at his self-control.
"Sweet God," Luke said harshly. "You do know how to push a man, don’t you? I promised myself I wouldn’t touch you that way again and there you stand naked and shaking. And then you tell me you want me! How the hell am I supposed to say no?"
"I didn’t ask you to say no, did I?" Carla laughed unhappily and made a grab for the washcloth. "Never mind, Luke. I don’t blame you. In your shoes I don’t suppose I’d be dying for another round of amateur hour, either."
The savage word he said made her wince.
"That’s not what I meant and you know it," Luke said between clenched teeth. "Damn it, Carla, help me. I’m trying not to ruin your life!"
"Of course," she said, her voice sad and empty and utterly disbelieving.
The unhappiness in Carla’s face and tone affected Luke as deeply as the passion that was making her tremble.
"Baby, please…don’t do this to me."
The yearning, husky timbre of Luke’s voice made Carla bite back tears. Automatically she reached out to him in pain and sympathy and a need that transcended even the desire she felt for him. When her fingers touched his chest a visible shudder of response went through him.
"Luke, I – "
"Too late," he interrupted heavily. "It always seems to be too late with you. All you have to do is touch me and I burn. I should say no to you. I know it. But I can’t. Give me your mouth, baby. It’s a lifetime since I kissed you."
Luke’s free hand threaded into the silky curls of Carla’s hair, seeking the warmth of her scalp, pulling her head back as he lowered his mouth over hers. His tongue probed her lips until she sighed and he slid into her eager warmth. The kiss was deep, heavy, drenched with the sensuality Luke had spent years trying to control around Carla.
But no longer. The past was as cold as the future would be, but the present was here, now, and it seethed with fire.
When Luke finally ended the kiss, separating himself from Carla, she whimpered softly, wanting more. The sweet sound made him smile, but he didn’t take up the flushed invitation of her lips. Keeping his hands off her was impossible, but he would at least control the way he touched her. A few more kisses like that and he would lose his head as he had last night, taking her without protecting her.
"I didn’t tell you what it was like for me last night," Luke said, slowly rubbing the soapy cloth over Carla’s shoulders, her neck, her arms. "I don’t know if I can tell you. I’m damned sure I shouldn’t even try, but shouldn’t doesn’t seem to cut much ice when it comes to you, sunshine."
Luke’s crooked smile tugged at Carla’s heart, making her want to smile and cry in return. She started to speak but the words wedged in her throat when the warm cloth moved over her breasts and they tightened in a wild, aching rush.
The sound of the cloth being rinsed out blended with the gently seething rain. After a few moments Luke laid aside the cloth and soaped up his hands instead.
"I barely touched you last night," Luke said. He smiled at Carla’s look of shocked disbelief. "It’s true, baby. I should have made it last forever. I wanted to, but you made me lose my head. You’re making shreds of my control now. Look."
He held up his soapy hands, revealing their fine tremor.
"But I didn’t mean to," she said. "I don’t even know how to. It’s just that when you touch me – "
The words became a moan as his hands found her taut breasts and began smoothing over them in warm, soapy caresses.
"I love hearing your breath break when I touch you," Luke murmured. "I love feeling your breasts rise to meet my hands. I love feeling your nipples harden. I love knowing that your heart is beating faster and your breath – "
Carla tried to speak, but all that came out was a husky sound of pleasure when his fingers teased her, making her nipples harden even more.
" – your breath is coming faster," he whispered "I love that, too. I love knowing you’re as helpless to control your body when I touch you as I am when you touch me."