Carla closed her eyes so that Cash wouldn’t see the wild flare of hope his words had given to her. The hope was as unreasonable as her seven years of longing for a man who didn’t love her had been.
"Luke is just making polite conversation," Carla said, her voice soft in an effort to hide her pain. "If he really wanted to know about me, he would pick up a phone and ask me himself."
"That’s what I told him the last time he asked."
She smiled sadly. "And the phone hasn’t rung, has it?"
"So make it ring. Call him."
"No."
The word was soft, final.
"Then I will."
"Please, Cash. Don’t."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t."
"I don’t want you to."
"That’s emotion, not reason. Give me a reason, Carla. I’m fed up with watching the two people I love walking around half-alive. I was looking forward to a wedding at the end of summer, not a damned funeral!"
A single look at Cash’s face told Carla that she wasn’t going to win this argument. Her brother’s easy smile and warm laughter concealed a steel core that was as deep and as hard as Luke MacKenzie’s.
"Would you settle for being an uncle?" she asked softly.
"What?"
"I’m pregnant."
A shuttered look settled over Cash’s face as he absorbed Carla’s words. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Does Luke know?"
"No."
Cash grunted. "I didn’t think so. If he knew, I’d have a brother-in-law damned quick, wouldn’t I?"
"No."
There was a long silence while Cash waited for Carla to explain. She said nothing.
"Talk to me," Cash said curtly. "I trusted Luke. Tell me why I shouldn’t go out to the Rocking M and beat that son of a bitch within an inch of his life."
"It wasn’t Luke’s fault."
"That’s bull, Carla! He’s old enough to keep his hands in his pockets, and he damn well knows how babies are made or not made! Any man who seduces a virgin should have the decency – "
"He didn’t seduce me," Carla said, cutting across her brother’s angry words. "I seduced him."
"What?"
"I seduced Luke MacKenzie!" Carla yelled, letting go of her pride and her temper in the same instant "I came up on his blind side, took off my clothes and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse!" She took a deep, sawing breath and said more calmly: "So if you feel you have to beat somebody for a breach of trust, beat me."
Cash opened his mouth. No words came out He cleared his throat and asked carefully, "And afterward?"
"Luke felt obliged to get married. I refused."
"Why?"
It was Carla’s turn to be shocked into silence. It passed quickly, driven out by the same unflinching determination that had kept her from picking up the phone and calling Luke.
"I’ll tell you why, brother dear. 1*11 go trout fishing in hell before I marry a man who doesn’t love me."
"Don’t be ridiculous. Luke loves you. Hell, he’s loved you for years."
Tears came suddenly to Carla’s eyes. She tried to speak but was able only to shake her head slowly while she fought for self-control.
"Lust," she said finally, her throat so tight she could barely squeeze the word out. "Not the same, Cash. Not the same at all."
"I don’t believe you," Cash said flatly.
He reached past her for the telephone. Both of her hands clutched his wrist in a contest of strength that she couldn’t possibly win.
"Then believe this," she said, her voice shaking. "If you tell Luke I’m pregnant I’ll get in my truck and drive and keep on driving until I’m sure neither one of you will ever find me!"
"But, honey, you’re pregnant. Be reasonable."
"I am. I’m not a charity case. I don’t need a mercy marriage."
Cash flinched.
Too late, Carla remembered her brother’s brief, unhappy marriage to a girl pregnant with another man’s child.
"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that as a slap at Linda. She did what she believed she had to do." Carla put her arms around Cash and hugged him. "And your taking me in after Mom and Dad died ruined any chance you and Linda had. It also taught me that a man’s sense of honor and decency is no substitute for love in a marriage. If Luke loved me, he would have called by now. He hasn’t Now it’s up to me to pick up the pieces of my life. It’s not Luke’s problem, Cash. It’s mine."
Cash kissed Carla’s forehead, hugged her in return and said softly, "Honey, I’m as sure that Luke loves you as I am that I love you."
"Don’t," she whispered, her voice aching with suppressed emotion. "You’ll just make me cry. I miss him so much. It’s like dying to know that he – he doesn’t – doesn’t – "
The shudder that racked Carla’s body was transmitted instantly to her brother. His arms tightened around her.
"Go ahead and cry, honey," Cash whispered, closing his eyes, putting his cheek against Carla’s hair, holding her. "Cry for both of us. And for Luke. Cry for him most of all, because he lost the most"
For a long time Cash held his sister, stroking her hair slowly, letting her cry out all the years of dreams that hadn’t come true. When she had finally calmed, he kissed her cheek and released her.
"I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this," Cash said, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping away Carla’s tears. "But I know what I’m not going to do. I’m not going to pick up the phone today and tell Luke you’re pregnant. I interfered once with the two of you, and it blew up in everyone’s face."
Cash put the handkerchief in Carla’s hand and wrapped her fingers around it.
"But, honey, once you start showing, someone’s sure to mention it to Luke. Then there will be blazing red hell to pay." Cash hesitated, then added softly, "If you don’t tell him by Christmas, I’ll have to do it for you."
What Cash didn’t put into words was his belief and fervent prayer that Luke surely would have called Carla by then.
17
A cold wind howled down from MacKenzie Peak, a wind tipped with the promise of sleet or snow. A gust caught Ten halfway between the bunkhouse and the barn. He ducked his head, pulled up the collar of his shearling jacket and went in the side entrance to the barn. The room he headed for had once held harness for the Rocking Ms wagon horses. Now the room held woodworking tools – and a man who wielded them the way a wizard wields incantations against vicious demons.
The door had been locked since the evening Carla McQueen had driven off the Rocking M. After Luke had spent a long day working on the ranch, he would spend the evening and too much of the night locked inside the room, where the scream of a power saw biting into wood filled the spaces between the cries of the winter wind.
Ten was the only man who dared to disturb Luke in his lair. Lately, even Ten was thinking the matter over three or four times before he raised his fist and rattled the door on its hinges, praying that a small bit of Christmas spirit had sunk into Luke’s hard head.
"Telephone, Luke!"
"Take a message."
"I did."
"Well?"
"Cash wants to know if you’ve seen Carla."
The scream of the power saw ended abruptly.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What makes him th – "
"How the hell should I know?" interrupted Ten. "You have questions, go ask Cash yourself. I’m damn tired of standing around in a cold barn yelling at a man who’s too blind to find his butt with both hands and a mirror the size of a full moon!"
Luke yanked opened the door and gave Ten a hard look. Ten returned it with interest.
"Give it to me again, slowly," Luke said.
"Lord, how you tempt a man," Ten muttered. "Listen up, boss. Cash McQueen is on the phone. Carla is missing. He seems to think she came here."
"On the day before Christmas?"