"No, thank you," she said politely. "I don’t want to impose on you."
A coolness moved over Luke’s skin that had nothing to do with the swirling wind.
"That’s ridiculous," he said. "You know you’re always welcome on the Rocking M."
"Don’t."
"Don’t what?"
"Lie. I’m not welcome on the Rocking M and we both know it. You were relieved to wake up and find me gone."
"Carla – "
Luke’s throat closed and the silence stretched while Carla watched him with blue-green eyes that were darker than he remembered. Then her lips curved in a small smile that was sadder than any tears he had ever seen.
"Don’t worry, Luke. I’m not going to throw myself at you again. I’ve finally grown up. I’m as tired of being pushed away by you as you are of having to push me."
She laughed suddenly. The soft, broken sound made Luke flinch, but she didn’t see it She had opened her right hand and was staring at the fragment of ancient pottery that rested on her palm. Luke endured the silence as long as he could, then asked the only question he would allow himself.
"Did you find that here?"
A brief shudder went over Carla, but that was her only acknowledgment that she was no longer alone. Just when Luke began to wonder if she would answer, she spoke in a flat, colorless voice.
"You gave this to me seven years ago. I brought it back to the place where it belongs. Full circle."
Luke felt as though the world had dropped away from beneath his feet. Always in the past he had known with unspeakable, absolute certainty that Carla would come back to the Rocking M, to him, bringing sunshine and laughter and peace with her. He had come to count on that, hoarding memories of her like a miser counting jewels, knowing that one day he would look up and she would be there again, watching him with a love she had never been able to hide.
The realization of what had happened sank into Luke like a blade of ice, slicing through him even as it froze him, teaching him that he had never known pain until that moment. Carla had come back, but not to him. She would leave again.
And she would never come back.
"I’m selling the ranch."
Shocked by Luke’s words, Carla looked up, facing him again. The pain she saw in his golden eyes made her feel as though she were being torn apart.
"But – why?"
"You know why."
With a small, anguished sound, Carla turned back to the fire, knowing that there was no more hope. All her dreams, all her love, everything was destroyed.
"Cash shouldn’t have called you," she said hoarsely. "He promised me until Christmas."
Carla’s fingers clenched around the pottery shard. The pain of it reminded her of why she had come to September Canyon. She drew back her arm to hurl the ancient shard back into the fire.
"No!" Luke said.
He moved with shocking speed, closing his much bigger hand around her fist, forcing her to hold on to his gift. Slowly he knelt in front of her, bringing her right hand to his lips despite her struggles.
"Don’t leave me, sunshine." Luke said, kissing Carla’s slender fingers. "Stay with me. Love me."
The words pierced Carla’s last defenses, teaching her how little she had understood of pain until that moment. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak; she could only be torn apart by the knowledge that it had all been for nothing, all the pain, all the loneliness, all the years of yearning.
And now he was pressing his lips against her fingers, pleading with her to stay, to give him the love he had always pushed away in the past. Now, when Cash had told Luke she was pregnant.
Now, when love was impossible.
Duty. Decency. Honor. Obligation. The words were colder than the wind, more massive than September Canyon’s stone ramparts. The words were crushing her. She couldn’t live a lifetime with Luke, knowing every time that she wasn’t loved. She couldn’t even live another instant that way.
"Let me go, Luke," Carla said, her voice breaking. "I can’t bear being your obligation. I can’t bear knowing the only reason you came to me at all is that Cash told you I’m pregnant."
"Pregnant!"
The dark center of Luke’s golden eyes dilated with a shock that was unmistakable. With quick motions he unbuttoned her jacket.
"Didn’t he – " Carla’s voice broke as Luke’s big hands went from her throat to her hips, discovering every change four months of pregnancy had made in her body.
"My God," Luke said again and then again, his voice ragged.
Slowly his hands moved over her, touching her in wondering silence because he could not speak.
"Cash didn’t tell you?" Carla whispered, sensing the answer yet unable to help the words. She had to know. She had to be certain.
Luke shook his head.
"Then why – why did you come here?" she asked.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and said simply, "I had to."
Carla watched Luke with uncertain eyes, afraid to think, to hope. "I don’t understand."
With a gentleness that made Carla tremble, Luke brushed his lips over the shining trails her tears had made on her cheeks. It was the first time he had ever kissed her without being asked; the realization was as devastating to Carla as the tenderness of his caresses. Without thinking, she raised her hand to push him away, unable to bear being hurt again.
"Don’t," Luke said hoarsely. "Please don’t push me away, sunshine. I know I deserve it, but I can’t – oh, God, I can’t bear losing you. When Cash told me you had come to the Rocking M, I went crazy. I knew you had come to September Canyon but I didn’t know why. I hoped – I hoped so much you were coming back to me."
"And then you told me you were going to leave my gift here and never come back. Full circle. That’s what you mean, isn’t it? Leaving and never coming back to me again?"
Slowly Carla nodded.
Luke closed his eyes and fought to control the emotions clawing at him. "Until a few seconds ago," he said finally, "I thought I’d accepted the fact that I could have a family or I could have the Rocking M. I’ve realized it for years, since before I even knew you and Cash. I tried not to care, because I love this ranch more than I ever wanted any woman." Luke bent his head a bit more, tasted the tears shining on Carla’s lips and felt his own eyes burn. "Then one day I looked at you and saw a woman I wanted to have children with…"
His voice went from husky to hoarse as emotion closed his throat. For long, sweet seconds he moved his hands gently over Carla’s womb as though to caress the life within.
"I’d sworn never to sacrifice my woman and children to the Rocking M," he said. "I knew what this land did to women. I had heard about it, seen it, almost been destroyed by it when I was young."
Luke drew a quick, broken breath and fought for control. "Every time I looked at you, I was reminded of the truth," he whispered. "I could have the ranch or I could sell it and have you. So I pushed you away and hungered for you to come back, because as long as you came back I could have both you and the Rocking M. Do you understand?"
Carla tried to speak but all that came out was Luke’s name, a ragged sound as painful as his voice.
"Don’t cry," he whispered, kissing her gently, repeatedly, as though he could drink all the sadness from her with his lips, leaving her free of pain. "It’s all right. When I realized you would never come to me again, the choice was easy. I can live without the Rocking M but I can’t live with knowing I hurt you."
Luke tilted Carla’s chin up until he could see her eyes. "Where do you want to live after we’re married?"
"On the Rocking M."
Pain and a wild, flaring hope tightened Luke’s features in the instant before he shook his head. "I’ll never ask that of you."
"Do you believe I love you?"
"There could be no other reason for what you’ve done, giving me so much, asking for so little and getting even less. I’m sorry for that, baby. I’m so damned sorry. You deserved so much more from me."