For a moment he thought about trying to comfort her, but no words came, and he turned away and blew out the candle on his side of the bed and lay in the dark, not sleeping and filled with a deadening sense of despair.
Chapter 19
The honeymoon was over in less than a week and when the newly married couple returned to Dublin Arthur was riding on top of the carriage with the driver, while Kitty sat alone in the cab. Gerald immediately offered to accommodate his brother and his bride. The following morning Arthur booked passage on a ship leaving for Bristol the same afternoon, and then made arragements for Gerald to escort his wife from Dublin once she had settled her affairs in Ireland. With his travelling chest packed Arthur sent for a cab and made ready to leave. Gerald and Kitty were sitting in the front parlour when Arthur joined them, his coat and gloves already on.
‘My goodness,’ said Gerald. ‘You don’t waste any time!’
‘Alas, I have none to waste,’ Arthur replied briskly. ‘Duty calls me back to London. I have to support Richard in Parliament, and there is a brigade to command. Not only that,’ he turned to Kitty and forced a smile, ‘I have to find a home worthy of my bride.’
Kitty smiled back and it pained him to see how easily she could be pleased. As easily as she could be hurt, he realised. Arthur felt shamed by his duplicity. In truth he was burdened by the dreadful knowledge that he had made the mistake of his life in marrying Kitty. That had become clear enough in the long days of the honeymoon as they travelled in frequent silence, the gulf between them merely becoming even more starkly apparent when they did start to talk. While Arthur had voyaged to India, fought battles, commanded armies and become the ruler of the kingdom of Mysore in all but title, it was as if Kitty had sat on the shelf gathering dust. Conversation was awkward. There was much he wanted to tell her, to discuss. Yet Kitty’s world had been utterly different from his own these eleven years and they struggled to find common ground on many issues. Their talk was stumbling and broken and the silences filled with self-consciousness. The only comfort was that their lovemaking at least had improved as Kitty’s initial apprehension about the act dissolved. Even so, after five days Arthur found her company stifling and was desperate to return to London, where he could busy himself and not dwell on the mistake he had made.
‘When are you going?’ she asked.
‘As soon as the footman finds a cab.’
Kitty’s expression crumpled momentarily, then she swallowed and recovered her composure. ‘I will come to the dock with you.’
‘There’s really no need. It’s cold out and, in any case, the cab won’t afford you much space.’
‘Nevertheless, I wish to come with you and say goodbye.’
Arthur was silent for a moment, and then nodded. ‘Oh, very well, then.’
By the time Kitty had got her coat, bonnet and gloves the cab had arrived.The driver loaded Arthur’s chest on to the rack on the roof and then held the door open. Arthur shook hands with Gerald and hurried down the steps. He turned and saw Kitty standing in the hall adjusting her bonnet, and his foot tapped impatiently as he waited. Having satisfied herself about her appearance, Kitty emerged and exchanged a chaste kiss with Gerald before stepping lightly down the steps and into the street. Arthur handed Kitty up into the cab and quickly climbed in after her, squeezing on to the seat beside his wife. An instant later the cab lurched into motion and turned out of the street and down towards the forest of masts and furled sails of the ships thronging the Liffey.
They did not speak for a while, and then Kitty asked,‘Will you look for a house immediately, Arthur?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Good. I could not bear to be apart from you a day longer than necessary.’
‘I know, my dear. It is the same for me. But we must be patient so that I can find something suitable.’
‘I understand. But really, Arthur, there’s no need for me to wait here in Dublin while you hunt for a house. I am sure that I could live with Olivia Sparrow in the meantime. And if I was there in London, I could help you look for a house.’ She glanced at him and smiled weakly. ‘Would that be entertaining?’
Arthur nodded. ‘I imagine so.’
‘Then I will make arrangements with Olivia to join you there as soon as possible.’ Kitty took his hand tentatively and gave it a squeeze. ‘I will be a good wife to you, I swear it.’
‘Of course,’ said Arthur. ‘And I will be a good husband, as far as my duties permit.’
The cab rattled out of a side street and on to the broader thoroughfare that ran alongside the wharves. Moored ships clustered as far as the eye could see and the driver flipped down a small hatch and called through. ‘Which vessel, sir?’
‘The Ardent, about two hundred yards further on.’
The hatch clacked shut as the driver slowed his horse and began to look for the names of each vessel as they passed.A short distance further on he drew up and stopped. Opening the door, he indicated a sturdy-looking merchant vessel moored a few paces away.
‘Here you are, sir.’
Arthur climbed out and offered his hand to Kitty as she stepped down on to the cobbles. Her nose wrinkled at the smelclass="underline" salt, fish and tarred cordage.
‘Wait here,’ Arthur told the driver. ‘The lady will be taken back to my brother’s house shortly.’
‘As you like, sir.’
Arthur summoned a porter to carry his chest aboard and then walked with Kitty to the end of the gangway. ‘Well, here we are, my dear. Now we must say our farewells. Just for the present,’ he added quickly.
Kitty stared at him with wide eyes and her lips trembled as she responded. ‘Can I not stay and see the ship off ?’
‘There’s really no point. She won’t be leaving Dublin for some hours yet. Best if you didn’t, Kitty.You’ll only get cold and might catch a chill. Come, be brave. Give me a kiss and hold me.’
He opened his arms and Kitty stepped into his embrace, pressing her face against his chest so that he would not see her tears, but he could feel her thin frame shudder all the same. At length she drew back slightly, dabbing at her eyes with a lace handkerchief, which she hurriedly stuffed down her sleeve. Arthur cupped her cheek in his hand and tilted her face towards him and kissed her on the lips. It was not a passionate kiss, merely perfunctory, and he drew his head back quickly and smiled.
‘There! Now you must get back into the cab and go, Kitty.’