“Easy. I can't furnish you with confidence, but you know I'll keep on working with you until you—”
“I know. I know.” Her lips tightened. “Christ, I'm sick of it all. I never wanted to have to learn anything like this. After we get Trask, I'm going to take Sam and go back to doing what I do well. I'm going to block these weeks out of my mind and never think of them again.”
He didn't speak for a moment. “Or me?”
“What do you want me to say? One goes with the other. Don't tell me you won't be glad to be rid of me too.”
“I wouldn't think of telling you that.” He looked away from her. “I'm just saying it may be hard to do.”
She knew he was right, but there was no way she would admit it. Difficult or not, she was going to break this link between them. She leaned her head back on the seat rest and closed her eyes. “You're wrong. After what I've gone through, it will be a piece of cake.”
“Nothing like being sure.” His face was expressionless. “We'll see . . .”
I may have found a lead to our mysterious Helen,” George said when they came in the front door. “I talked to a few of my friends at the FBI, and they wouldn't tell me anything but they pointed discreetly.”
“Where?” Silver asked.
“At the CIA.” He smiled. “So I'm trying to tap a few sources there.”
“Good God, you have as many contacts as a Fox News reporter,” Kerry said. “I'm not even going to ask how you got them. When will you know?”
“Soon. Possibly tonight or tomorrow. I believe I've found someone who might have information.”
“Let me know as soon as you hear.” She started up the stairs. “I could use some good news.”
Yes, she could, Silver thought, as he watched her reach the top of the steps. She was scared and worried and wanted only to bury her head beneath the proverbial covers and hide away from everyone.
Hide away from him, dammit.
You're gritting your teeth,” George said. “May I tell you that your dentist would advise you that could seriously contribute to TMJ?”
“No, you may not.” Silver turned on his heel. “Shut up, George.”
George gave a low whistle. “Nasty.” He headed for the library. “Where will you be if I get a sudden breakthrough on Helen?”
“I'm going for a walk.” He jerked open the front door. “A long, long walk.”
“Excellent idea. Exercise is always a good release. Perhaps you'll come back in better temp—”
The door slammed behind Silver before George could finish.
Fire.
She had to get help for Mama.
She slipped on the icy steps and fell to the street.
There was a man across the street, standing beneath the street lamp.
She picked herself up and ran toward him. “Help. The fire. Mama . . .”
He was turning and walking away. He must not have heard her.
She ran after him. “Please. Mama said I had to—” He turned and she looked up into his face.
She screamed.
“Shh, it's too late. You can't help her.” He raised his arm and she saw metal glittering in his hand as he started to bring the gun down—
Darkness. Yes, darkness . . .
“Stop it!” She was yanked out of that welcoming darkness, back to the horror of that night. “You don't get away with that, Kerry. You're not going to black out now. Look at him, dammit.”
Silver!
It was Silver talking, she realized in confusion. Silver beside her, standing beneath the lamppost.
But it couldn't be Silver. He didn't belong here.
But he was here, and the entire nightmare sequence was frozen. The burning building, the lamppost, the man with his hand raised to strike her down.
“Look at him,” Silver repeated. “Look at his face.”
Panic soared through her. “No, I can't see. It's too dark.”
“Look at him.”
“Shut up. Get out of here.”
“The hell I will. I'm staying until you stop being a martyr and look at that bastard.”
“I won't do it.” She closed her eyes tightly. “Go away.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“He's going to hurt me.”
“That's not why you're afraid. Tell me.”
“Go away.”
“Look at him.”
She found herself opening her eyes and looking up at that shadowy face above her. “No! I won't do it. I won't.” She frantically pulled away and shut her eyes again. “Go away. Let me alone.”
“Dammit, stop pushing me away. I'm trying to—”
“No!”
She woke to see Silver bending over her. “Damn you.” She shoved him away and sat up in bed. “What the devil did you think you were doing?”
“I don't have to think, I know I was scaring the bejesus out of you.” He swung his feet to the floor and got to his feet. “Come on, let's get you in the shower. You've broken out in a cold sweat.”
Yes, she had, and she was shaking so badly that she could barely talk. “And you had nothing to do with it, I suppose. Those nightmares are bad enough without you sticking in your two cents worth.”
“Then get rid of them.” He pulled her out of bed and wrapped her in a sheet. “Shower. You can spit at me later.”
“I want to spit at you now.” But she let him lead her toward the bathroom. She was in no shape to fight a battle right now. “You had no right to—”
“Hush.” He pushed her under the warm spray of the shower and then got in with her. “You're absolutely correct. I intruded, I violated your privacy, I even broke my own code.” He grimaced as he handed her the sponge. “Such as it is. I constantly seem to be bending the rules.”
“You shouldn't have done—” She stopped as he began kneading her neck. God, that felt good. The tension was flowing out of her. “I'm not going to forgive you. How can I trust—”
“Shh, think about it later.”
Yes, think about it later. The heat of the water was banishing the chill, and his touch was soothing away her tension. She closed her eyes and let herself drift.
“Good.” Minutes passed and then he was bundling her out of the shower and toweling her off. “Now let's get you back to bed and I'll let you vent.”
She didn't want to vent, she realized. Any attack she made would lead to a confrontation, and she was afraid Silver would—
“You bet I will.” He wrapped her in a blanket and tucked her in bed before crawling in beside her. “But you've been through enough tonight. I'll let you off.”
“Don't expect me to thank you. And are you still spying on me? Get the hell out.”
“I got out. But you know I can't keep from picking up on an odd thought or two when you scream it at me.” His arms enfolded her and he cuddled close, spoon fashion. “Go to sleep. You're done with dreaming for tonight.” He brushed her temple with his lips. “If you wander too close, I'll jerk you back.”
“Or jump in where you don't belong.”
“I belong.”
“The hell you do.” She was silent a moment before she asked, “Why did you do it, Silver?”
“You were in pain. I couldn't stand it.”
“It was my pain, my memories. My right to handle them.”
“You're not handling them. You're hiding, and as long as you do that, they're going to torment you.”