First Blood

The washroom. Yes. Harris was echoing, and the imagined taste of coffee squirted sourly into Teasle's mouth, gagging him. The washroom. He staggered through the swinging door, sick in the urinal, Harris holding him, telling him, 'Sit down here on the floor,' but it was all right, the echoing had stopped now.

'No. My face. Water.' And as he splashed his cheeks and eyes coldly, the image flashed in him again, no longer a dream, real. 'The kid,' he said. 'The kid's in the forest by the road. In that junkyard of cars.'

'You'd better take it easy. Try and remember. The kid was trapped in a mine and he ran deep into a maze of tunnels. Here. Let me have your arm.'

He waved him off, arms down supporting himself on the sink, face dripping. 'I'm telling you the kid isn't in there now.'

'But you can't know that.'

'How did I get here? Where's Trautman?'

'Back at the truck. He sent men with you to the hospital.'

'That sonofabitch. I warned him not to. How did I get here instead of the hospital?'

'You don't remember that either? Christ, you gave them a hell of a time. You yelled and fought in the cruiser and kept grabbing the wheel to stop them from turning toward the hospital. You were shouting that if they were going to take you anyplace, they were going to take you here. Nobody was going to strap you into any bed if you could help it. So finally they got afraid they would hurt you if they fought with you anymore, and did what you said. Tell you the truth, I think they were just as glad to be rid of you, the racket you were making and all. Once when you grabbed the wheel, you almost hit a transport truck. They had you in bed here, and as soon as they left, you went out and got in a patrol car to drive yourself back, and I tried to stop you but it was no problem, you passed out behind the wheel before you could find the ignition switch. You really don't remember any of it? There was a doctor came over right away, and he checked you over, said you were in half-decent shape, except you were exhausted and you'd been taking too many pills. They're some kind of stimulant and sedative all in one, and you'd swallowed so many you were flying. Doctor said he was surprised you didn't crash even harder and sooner than you did.'

Teasle had the sink full of cold water, dunking his face in it, swabbing himself with a paper towel. 'Where's my shoes and socks? Where did you put them?'

'What for?'

'Never mind what for. Just where did you put them?'

'You're not planning to try and go back there again, are you? Why don't you sit down and relax? There's all sorts of men swarming through those caves. Nothing more you can do. They said not to worry, they'd call here the minute they found a sign of him.'

'I just told you he's not -. Where the hell are my shoes and socks, I asked you.'

Far off in the front room the phone started ringing faintly. Harris looked relieved to get away and answer it. He swung out through the door of the washroom, and the phone rang again, then again, then abruptly stopped. Teasle rinsed his mouth with cold water and spat it out milky. He did not dare swallow it in case it would make him sick again. He peered at the dirty checkered tiles on the washroom floor, thought incongruously that the janitors weren't doing their job, and swung through the door out into the corridor. Harris was standing up at the end of the hall, his body blocking off part of the light, uncomfortable about speaking.

'Well?' Teasle said.

'I don't know if I should tell you this. It's for you.'

'About the kid?' Teasle said and brightened. 'About that junkyard of cars?'

'No.'

'Well what is it then? What's the matter?'

'It's long distance — your wife.'

He did not know if it was fatigue or shock, but he had to lean against the wall. Like hearing from somebody buried. With everything that had happened because of the kid, he had gradually so managed to keep her out of his mind that now he could not remember her face. He tried but he could not. Dear God, why did he want to remember? Did he still want the pain?

'If she's going to upset you more,' Harris said, 'maybe you shouldn't talk to her. I can say you're not around.'

Anna.

'No. Plug it through to my office phone.'

'You're sure now? I can easily tell her that you're out.'

'Go on, plug it through.'

14

He sat in the swivel chair behind his desk and lit a cigarette. Either the cigarette would clear his head or else it would cloud his head and spin him, but it was worth a try because he could not talk to her as unsteady as he was. He waited and felt better and picked up the phone.

'Hello,' he said quietly. 'Anna.'

'Will?'

'Yes.'

Her voice was thicker than he recalled, throaty, a little broken in some of the words. 'Will, are you hurt? I've been worried.'

'No.'

'It's true. Believe it or not, I have been worried.'

He drew slowly on his cigarette. There they went again, misunderstanding. 'What I meant is no, I'm not hurt.'

'Thank God.' She paused, then exhaled steadily as if she had a cigarette too. 'I haven't been watching TV or reading newspapers or anything, and then suddenly tonight I learned what was happening to you and I got scared. Are you sure you're all right?'

'Yes.' He thought about describing it all, but it would only sound like he wanted sympathy.

'Honestly, I would have called earlier if I'd only found out. I didn't want you to think I don't care what happens to you.'

'I know.' He looked at the rumpled blanket on the couch. There were so many important things to say, but he could not bring himself to do it. They did not matter to him anymore. The pause was too long. He had to say something. 'Do you have a cold? You sound like you have a cold.'

'I'm getting over one.'

'Orval's dead.'

He heard her stop breathing. 'Oh. I liked him.'

'I know. It turns out I liked him even more than I knew. And Shingleton's dead and so is that new man Galt and —'

'Please. Don't tell me anymore. I can't let myself know anymore.'

He thought about it longer, and there really was not much to say after all. The quality of her voice did not make him long for her the way he feared it might have, and at last he felt free, at the end of it. 'Are you still in California?'

She did not answer.

'I guess that's none of my business,' he said.

'It's O. K. I don't mind. Yes, I'm still in California.'

'Any troubles? Do you need any money?'

'Will?'

'What?'

'Don't. I didn't call for that.'

'Yes, but do you need any money?'

'I can't take your money.'

'You don't understand. I — I think it's going to be all right now. I mean, I feel a lot better about everything now.'

'I'm glad. I've been worrying about that too. It's not as if I want to hurt you.'

'But what I mean is I feel a lot better, and you can take some money if you need it without the idea that I'm trying to make you beholden and have you come back.'

'No.'

'Well at least let me pay for this call. Let me accept the charges.'

'I can't.'

'Then let me put it on the office bill. It won't be me paying, it'll be the town. For Christ sake, let me do something for you.'

'I can't. Please stop it. Don't make me regret calling. I was afraid this would happen and I almost didn't.'

He felt the telephone sweaty in his palm. 'You're not coming back, are you?'

'This is all wrong. I didn't want to go into this. It's not why I called.'

'But you won't be coming back.'

'Yes. I'm not coming back. I'm sorry.'

All he wanted was to hold her, not do anything but hold her. Slowly he crushed out his cigarette, lit another one. 'What time is it there?'