I frown. Thinking, fantasizing…they say it’s healthy. I say it’s bullshit.
I come up behind her, my skin vibrating with the need to touch her. The bandage lies directly above her bra strap, but I like a clear workspace, so I unclasp her, then grin when she inhales sharply.
“Should I take it off?” she asks me, and her voice is so breathy my cock knocks against my zipper.
“Only if it makes you more comfortable,” I say, peeling off the tape holding the bandage to her skin.
“Just trying to make things easier for you, that’s all.”
“Real thoughtful,” I say tightly. And maybe a little asshole-esque.
She sighs. “Rush…”
My fingers are moving too slow pulling up the tape. “Yeah, baby?”
“You don’t have be a total prick for me to get how much you hate me.”
Christ, her skin’s soft. And warm.
I’m so pissed off at myself and at her, and how her body’s calling for me to round first and keep going, like a goddamn third base coach, that I pull off the rest of the tape a little too hard. She sucks air through her teeth, and I turn away and drop the bandage in the trash.
I wish hating on her was the reason why I’m being such a prick. And not because my hands are fucking aching to be on her again, to steal around her waist and grope the shit out of her.
I’m silent as I set up, get the works in order. I’m kind of out of my mind with the tat I’m putting on her, but it’s too late now. It’s going to be sick, and permanent, and she’ll have me on her for life. Maybe as payment for ruining mine once upon a time.
She has her bra off when I turn back, gloves on, tat machine in hand. My iron—that's what we call it, even though it's all about the needle, not getting the wrinkles out of your shirts and shit—is a total extension of me, was from the first day we met. And I can’t wait to get Addison under it again. Especially looking like that.
Fuuuuck.
The slip of cream silk is hanging over the chair along with her shirt, like an invitation. My fucking mouth waters like I haven’t eaten in days. Her back is just endless inches of smooth, tanned playground.
“How’s it look?” she asks.
My jaw goes tight and I can only laugh at her question. It’s just so damn on the nose. “Looks pretty good. Your skin takes ink really well. Pain too, seems like.”
She relaxes forward, dropping her chin. “I’m surprised by that actually. But maybe I’ve developed tougher skin these past five years.”
I know she’s speaking metaphorically, but I have this irresistible urge to lean in and run my tongue up her spine to check and see if it’s true.
I look over my colors again, make sure they’re lined up the way I like them. “Your skin will be sore,” I tell her. “I normally wouldn’t do this the same day, but if you can handle the pain—”
“I can,” she insists.
Damn, it’s like having the old Addison back when she talks that way. As I drop my head and get to it, I wonder if that’s a good thing or the worst thing ever.
She hisses as the needle touches down, and I don’t bother to ask her if she’s all right. I want her to feel pain. Especially the kind that doesn’t come from my needle. The kind that lasts years and refuses to let go of your soul no matter how hard you try, no matter how many women you fuck.
I work in relative silence for awhile, the sound of the machine and her steady breathing my only company. I’m falling in love with the design I’m putting on her. Even with all the turn-ons followed by the hard-ons, it could end up being one of my best pieces.
“I was surprised when I heard you were doing this,” she says after a solid fifteen minutes. “With all the early scholarships to art schools, I thought maybe you’d go in that direction.”
“I did,” I say, shading my yellow. “After skipping town, I checked out one in New York. Stayed there about six months before I picked up an iron and fell in lust.”
“In lust?” she says, a smile in her voice. “Not in love?”
“No. Never in love.”
She senses the bitterness in my tone and goes in for the kill. “Not with anything?”
“No.”
“Or anyone?”
I drop back, pull the needle from her skin. “What are you doing? You trying to find out if I’ve fallen for anyone since you? If I’ve fucked anyone since you?”
She stiffens. “Jesus, why are you so harsh? It’s like trying to talk to sandpaper.”
“I’ve always been that way, Addison. It’s why we got together in the first place, and why you dumped my sorry ass. It’s why you lied to me and went out with that buttoned up scoop of vanilla. And with what I saw you wearing today, you’re still with him.”
She’s quiet for a minute or two, and even though I’m glad I said it, got it out after all these years, I still feel like a dick.
“What’s rolling around in there?” I ask her. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m remembering when we first met. I think I was twelve.”
I get back in the game. “Sounds about right.”
“It wasn’t the first time I’d seen someone smoking,” she says, a grin in her voice. “But it was the first time I’d seen a kid doing it.”
I sniff. “You walked right up to me and took it out of my hands. I thought you were going to stamp it out on the sidewalk. Color me stunned when you slipped it between your lips and took a drag.”
She laughs softly. “I thought I was such a badass.”
“You were, Ads.” Fucking hell. You were.
She tightens up again. I do too. It’s the first time I’ve used her nick in five years, and it’s kind of like a knee to the balls. Oh, shit. Why are we doing this? Why am I? I could’ve heard what she had to say today at the convention center, finished the tat and been done with the whole thing.
But it was like once I had her in front of me, in my chair, in my eyeline, I couldn’t let her go. Not this time. Not when I could do something to stop her.
“I don’t think I was a badass, Rush,” she says on a sigh. “A badass would’ve told the truth. A badass wouldn’t have met up with someone behind her boyfriend’s back. It’s just that, being tossed around from house to house, eating one meal a day if that, no one wanting my ass…”
I wanted your ass, I almost say. But that would be suicide.
“I couldn’t stay in that life.”
My gut does that eating itself dance again. “And I was that life.”
“I thought so.”
“And vanilla ice cream was what? Happily ever after? China dishes and six bathrooms?”
“He was nothing.”
“Bullshit, Ads. Don’t do that. Not now.”
She breathes, in and out, for a few seconds. “Okay. When he called that day and asked me to the dance—me, the other-side-of-the-boulevard girl—I felt—”
“Special,” I interrupt.
“No. Saved.”
Just that word—that one goddamn word—kills me. My jaw tight, I start running color over sections of black. I know this has got to hurt her, but I’m hoping the pain forces her to stop talking.
It doesn’t.
“Rush, you came from the same thing,” she says. “You were trying to keep your head above water just like me.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think about swimming away from you to get it.”
She releases a breath. “No, you didn’t. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I went to your house the very next day, why I called and wrote and tried to make appointments for the next freaking five years. That’s why I can’t seem to find joy in anything. Why I’m just…lost.”
My entire body goes rigid. My eyes narrow on the piece I’m inking into her skin.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “You have no idea how sorry I am for that night.” She’s quiet for a moment, then drops a bomb. “I loved you so much.”