“Great,” Tony said. “Just tel ‘em you’re here to see me.”
CHAPTER 9
Sure enough, the desk clerk cal ed Tony, who came out to join me. I wasn’t expecting a hug in front of his fel ow officers, and I didn’t get one. “Come this way,” Tony said, stiffly.
Tony looked great in his usual outfit of dark blue dress slacks, white shirt, and blue striped tie. He held a manila envelope in his hand.
He led me to a smal room with a rectangular table and four chairs. He nodded towards the mirror that lined the far wal. “Two way glass,” he cautioned me.
Translation: Don’t try any funny stuff.
“What’s up?” I asked him.
“Take a look.” Tony handed me the folder.
A memo to his chief summarizing Tony’s findings on Al en’s case. The coroner’s report found the cause of death to be-no surprise-the fal from his window. He found no other bruises or injuries inconsistent with the fal, although he did note that the back of the head and several other parts of the body were crushed in a way that made a complete analysis impossible.
There was also no sign of forced entry to Al en’s apartment and the doorman hadn’t announced any visitors.
“Satisfied?” he smirked.
“Why are you showing me this?”
“To keep you out of trouble. Also, to let you know I was only kidding when I said that you were a suspect.” He smiled.
“I assumed you were.”
“Don’t be so sure. After al, you were mentioned in the wil. In any case, that’s always the first question we ask. ‘Who benefits?’”
“I didn’t even know I was in the wil,” I told him. “Let alone for how much.”
“Fifty-seven thousand, two hundred and seven dol ars,” Tony said. “And seven cents. At least that’s what the account was worth yesterday.”
My mouth dropped open.
“Surprised?” Tony asked, stil grinning.
“How do you know?” I asked him.
“We’re the police,” Tony said. “We know these things. I also know that the amount he left each of his kids was just about double that. Not exactly chump change, but, given what his boys earn, hardly an inducement to murder.”
I thought for a moment.
“They hated him,” I said, half to myself.
“A lot of people hate their parents,” Tony said.
“But they don’t kil them.”
“No, they don’t.” So, the Harrington kids had no financial incentive to see their father dead. I had to admit that Tony was making sense.
“Kevin,” Tony looked at me gently. He put his hand on the table as if he were going to take mine. Then he glanced at the mirror and pul ed it back. “I think you’re wasting your time. I think you’re mourning Al en and you’re looking for someone to blame. I think you might just have to accept that Al en kil ed himself.”
Suddenly, I felt a lot less sure of things. “I need a minute,” I said. My thoughts were coming fast and furious. Had I taken my medicine today?
I lowered my head and looked up at him. Blinked back tears.
“Kevin,” Tony said. He got up from his seat and came behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders.
“Kevin.”
I wanted to be strong, but the possibility that Tony was right devastated me. He was the professional here. What was I even doing doubting him?
“I just…” I began, but there was a lump in my throat that blocked my words. I rubbed my eyes. “I’m just so sad,” I admitted. “I real y loved him, you know?”
Tony sank to his knees and put his arms around me. “It’s OK,” he comforted me.
“Two way glass,” I reminded him as we embraced.
“Fuck ‘em,” Tony answered.
After a few minutes, I told Tony I was al right and he returned to his seat. “Can you talk a little more?” he asked me.
“Sure.”
“Listen, that’s a pretty big chunk of change Al en left you. Just what was going on between you two, anyway?”
“Just friends,” I told him. Tony raised an eyebrow.
“I swear. I think he liked having a young man he could mentor and look out for. Especial y since his own kids were estranged.”
Tony nodded. “OK, I buy it. But if that was your relationship, then maybe he didn’t feel comfortable sharing his problems with you. After al, if he was your father figure, maybe he didn’t want to seem weak in front of you.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“We may never know,” Tony said. “Al I’m saying is that you need to move on. The evidence shows that Al en kil ed himself. And that’s not exactly rare these days.”
I remembered something Tony had said at the bar.
“That’s right, you told me about that-a series of gay suicides.”
“Yeah, but that’s off the record.”
“Did you ever find out if Al en knew any of the other victims?”
“There’s no evidence either way.”
I tried to think of another question, but I was at a dead end.
Dead. End.
I shuddered.
My phone rang.
“Do you need to get that?” Tony asked.
“Not now,” I told him. We just looked at each other.
How beautiful he was at that moment, his face showing nothing but concern for me. I felt teary again.
“Are you going to be al right?” he asked me.
I nodded. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and looked at him sadly.
“I wish I could kiss you right now,” Tony said.
But you always have a reason not to kiss me, I thought, don’t you, and there’s a two way mirror, and my dear friend is dead, and we can’t go to your place because your wife might be home, and we can’t go to my place because my mother might be home, and someone just left me over fifty thousand dollars and that kind of kills my last excuse not to go back to school, and if you knew what I really did for a living you’d probably kill me and I think I’m falling in love with you again and you hurt me so much the last time and oh, this is all so complicated!
Too many bal s in the air.
Time to let one drop.
With Tony no longer investigating Al en’s death, there was one less reason for us to keep seeing each other.
Especial y since he was married. To a woman, yet.
I had to tel him that this was it for us.
Another dead end.
At least I’d be the one to end it this time.
I was just about to tel him so when he said,
“Listen, Kevin, with me closing the case and al, I guess that means we have to decide if we’re going to keep seeing each other. And I think, maybe, we should talk about it.”
“What?” I said louder than I intended to.
“Wel, I just think that you’re looking for something more than I am, and while I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you, I just don’t want to…”
“No way,” I interrupted him. “No way are you dumping me again.”
“I’m not dumping you,” Tony said. “I’m just saying I don’t want to hurt you down the line…”
“So you’re hurting me now?”
“No, what I’m saying is…”
“What you’re saying is bul shit,” I told him. “And you can’t break up with me, damn it, because I was just about to break up with you.”
Tony raised his eyebrows. “You were?”
“Yes.”
“Wel, I wasn’t breaking up with you,” Tony said. “I was just saying we need to talk about it.”
“Oh, yeah?” I said. “Oh, yeah?” I couldn’t believe how angry I was with him, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure what I was angry about. After al, I had been thinking the same thing.
Then I realized I was angry because I was afraid. I had built a great wal around my heart, and I didn’t want to get hurt again.
Even my hustling was al about separating sex from my feelings.
Feelings, I thought, were overrated.
I sat stumped as to where to go from here.
“Anyway,” Tony said, “how can we ‘break up’? We aren’t exactly going out. I’m not sure there’s a word for what we’re doing…”
Silence. We sat and looked at each other for a minute that felt like ten.
“OK, maybe you’re right,” I said. “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”