‘‘Has any man tasted her sugarplum? No. Has any man reaped sensual pleasure from her body? No. Isn’t it impossible for a true woman to be a cloudy, misty thing? As lewd and depraved as she is, she can’t have been above doing the kind of things I did. There must have been some obstacles that prevented her from acting freely. Isn’t this clear if we carefully analyze her behavior?’’
It seems it isn’t so simple. If Madam X isn’t a ‘‘woman’’ and merely attracts throngs of men with witchcraft, then the widow’s hard work in her prolonged fight against her will soon expose her cheap tricks. As for the men, they must also be on guard and won’t easily take the bait. But up to now, there isn’t the slightest evidence that Madam X will fail. Those who consort with her (including a large group of teenagers) not only don’t guard against her, they depend on her more and more with each passing day and run over to her home for unknown reasons. As for the widow’s well-intentioned reminders, it’s as though they’re deaf: they don’t listen. Nor do they respect her. It’s as if the one with a sex problem isn’t Madam X but the widow. As for Madam X, most of them never approve of her conduct, and some spare no effort in tearing her down: they want to suppress her contagious evil influence. The widow evidently knows that only by employing her ‘‘real ability’’ can she achieve her goal. Yet she can’t, for that would destroy the ‘‘selfhood’’ the widow has cultivated for years. It appears that this deadly combat between her and Madam X will end in lasting stalemate. The widow can’t accept this result, because this would be tantamount to admitting that her research wasn’t complete-that it had no real worth, it was all malarkey. Our widow was up against an incalculably perilous future, yet without wavering, she chose the path filled with brambles and snares and pushed ahead. She was essentially a fanatical idealist unable to appreciate the life of philistines. Yearning for a pure and lofty life, she pursued her own goal.
Everyone knows that when our Madam X talks of sex, she is truly eloquent and long-winded. Everything she says is filled with dubious ardor. She never tires. The fact that she made the bizarre speech on the street proves that sex has always been her consuming issue. To put it simply, all of her activities-her work in the snack shop, looking into mirrors, observation of others’ eyes, relations with men-are motivated by this. To reach her goal requires superhuman energy and physical strength, so she lives her life systematically and rigorously. As others see it, except for her nighttime occupation and addiction to looking into mirrors, her daily life is identical to theirs. They don’t know it is a lie. Her real life is in her nighttime occupation and her looking into mirrors, both of which are directly related to sex. These matters consume all her strength: she’s continually high-strung and thin. It seems she can never put on weight.
People were shocked at hearing her opinions of sex: not only could the crowds on Five Spice Street not get it through their heads, but even her husband and her younger sister-even her lover Q- could understand only bits and pieces. What was she thinking? Did she have the same inborn self-confidence as the widow? The answer is definitely yes-and not only that: her self-confidence surpassed the widow’s and became a kind of wild arrogance. But the foundation of her arrogance was exactly the opposite of the foundation of the widow’s self-confidence: she completely ignored ‘‘physiological functions’’ and thought that her ‘‘sexual power’’ originated from the light waves in her sightless eyes. This was preposterous.
‘‘This is sexual power.’’ Blushing, she was drowning in narcissism. ‘‘My attention to my eyes gives me perpetual youth and preserves a high degree of acuity about novel things.’’
She also said that she hadn’t always possessed this power: her sex appeal surfaced gradually after her ‘‘occult’’ activities. Before that, it had been latent, and she was no different from other women. All at once, she towered far above other women. She became singularly graceful, suffused with sexual charm. She was certain she was ‘‘much more alluring now than when she was twenty.’’ ‘‘And would never be decrepit.’’
It’s true that in her affair with Q, the light in her eyes was the determining factor. But whether this constituted sex appeal, even
Mr. Q wasn’t sure: after all, he was not accustomed to such notions. Still, when they were together, under Madam X’s spell, Mr. Q fell into a trance, and he stared tearfully at Madam X’s eyes while certain parts of Madam X’s body kept appearing in his mind. All at once, he was aroused and could think only of ‘‘hopping into bed right away’’ with X. He wished to ‘‘please her in every way’’ to ‘‘ensure simultaneous orgasms.’’ Of course, in the beginning, he just kept these thoughts to himself. Mr. Q-it seems we said this above-wasn’t nearly as straight as Madam X: he always wavered and was weak- minded. He couldn’t bear to hurt anyone. So, although he was aroused, he made every effort to cover it up. He also found reasons to explain himself. Madam X didn’t give a damn what Mr. Q thought of her: with her body, she accepted a certain kind of ‘‘response’’ from him. Although at first they didn’t ‘‘screw,’’ still, from the very beginning, she thought: As far as sex was concerned, she and Mr. Q would be ideal together. Up to now, Q was the only ‘‘sexually’’ attractive man she knew. She had dreamed of this kind of man. Although she was wanton, she knew instinctively: she wasn’t likely to meet another man like Mr. Q. She certainly wouldn’t lightly let him slip away.
What did she really think of men? What made a man attractive? She didn’t deny male sex appeal as the widow did, but rather set a high standard-inconceivably high. It was also simple and absurd. She set two criteria. We’ve already divulged them: the color of his eyes and the sound of his speaking voice. Normal people thought this was crazy. How was it related to the exuberance and actuality of ‘‘sex’’? They doubted she used her eyes and ears. But according to her, it was her body’s response that had led her to this and caused her to cast aside most of the men who’d shown interest in her. A couple were exceptional, but not in a sexual way: this was also determined by her physical response. She couldn’t help it, and she wouldn’t compromise for those men, either-even those she was very fond of. It seemed there was more than one Mr. Q. Someone even said she was a ‘‘nymphomaniac,’’ another that she was ‘‘frigid.’’ Because of this, Mr. Q was sometimes distressed, jealous, and fearful of losing her. He was always yearning to ‘‘make it’’ with her.
Though he couldn’t shake this feeling off, he didn’t dare pursue it. Finally, he ‘‘lost all interest in living.’’
At noon one day in Madam X’s gloomy little room, her colleague asked what she really meant by sex. Was it just a figment of her ‘‘imagination’’? Was it unrelated to the reality of ‘‘going to bed’’? If it was something she had concocted to fool people, then (at this point, she began whispering in Madam X’s ear) she needn’t keep it a secret from her loyal friend of many years: she was more trustworthy than a locked safe. Madam X was taken in and opened the door to her heart.
She confirmed that for her sex was closely related to going to bed. Going to bed was the whole goal and the pinnacle of sex. It was the moment of unparalleled sweetness: you could simply say that it was her ideal come true. It was precisely because it was like this that she was somewhat too serious about it: Even something as tiny as a sesame seed could destroy her mood; she would feel joyless and lose her sexual urge. Madam X said this was her greatest limitation, and because of this she couldn’t behave; she set the standards so high that men could never reach them. Her emotions went up and down, wearying other people. But in the past she hadn’t always thought ‘‘the grass was greener on the other side.’’ It was her ‘‘occult’’ activities that changed her. They kindled her sexual prowess and summoned the demons within her, and from then on she was like a hungry wolf looking everywhere for food and provoking endless trouble. Her colleague noticed that a little girl’s innocent expression appeared on Madam X’s face as she spoke in her self-absorbed way. She despised her even more, and she wished she could kick her under the table and make her scream in pain.