And so help me, he and his lousy Frog accomplice were gone like phantoms into the dark, without another word, leaving me in a rather disturbed state. I’d have cried out after them if I’d been capable of speech; as it was, I had wit enough to see the wisdom of his advice anent Beefy, and after a few seconds' frantic search in the bushes I found the brute, dead to the world, and was waking the echoes with shouts of: "Helfen! Polizei! Ein Mann ist tot! Helfen, schnell, helfen!" Thereafter it seemed politic to run towards the casino, repeating my alarm and guiding interested parties to the scene of the crime.
It worked perfectly, of course. Willem was among the first on hand, fairly blazing with unspoken suspicion, which I allayed by explaining that I’d been waiting by the fountain for Kralta when sounds of battery in the bushes had attracted my attention, and on investigating I’d found Beefy supine with two sturdy footpads taking inventory of his pockets. They had fled, I had pursued but lost them in the dark, and returned to minister to Beefy and raise the alarm. And where the blazes were the police, then?
It didn’t convince him above half, I’m sure, not at first; I could guess he was wondering why I hadn’t taken the chance to vanish … and coming slowly to the conclusion that I hadn’t wanted to. What sealed the thing was the discovery, a few minutes later, of another unfortunate wandering dazed on the gravel walks and gasping out a tale of armed footpads who’d knocked him down and pinched his watch and purse; half an hour afterwards a third was found unconscious by one of the casino gates, similarly beaten and robbed.
By that time the peelers had arrived in force, shepherding the frightened mob back into the casino, where Beefy and the other victims were being attended to. Plainly a gang of footpads had marked down the casino patrons as well-lined targets, and were making a lightning sweep of the grounds. I made a statement to a most efficient young police inspector, watched closely by a still puzzled Willem with Kralta at his elbow; they were talking sotto voce, and if I’d felt like laughing I dare say I’d have been amused at the slow change of expression on Willem’s face, for it was clear that she was insisting that here was proof of my sincerity, since not only had I not made for the high hills, I’d absolutely come to Beefy’s aid and been first to holler for the law. At last he nodded, but I guessed he was still leery of me—Rudi would have been.
Nothing was said, though, about my "bonnyfydes" as we returned to the Golden Ship, Kralta on my arm murmuring thanks that I hadn’t been molested, and Willem snapping impatiently at Beefy who brought up the rear with his head in a sling. I gathered from their half-heard conversation that Beefy was lamenting the loss of a lock of hair belonging to some bint called Leni which he’d carried in the back of his watch, and getting scant sympathy; Prussians, you know, care not two dams about their inferiors. Neither do I, but I know it’s good business to pretend that I do, and looked in on Beefy before retiring to lay a consoling hand on his thick skull; he just gaped like a ruptured bullock.
One of the lessons that I’d impress on young chaps is this: if you want to pull a bluff, do it with your might, no half-measures. However unlikely the ploy, if your neck is brazen enough, it’s odds on you’ll get away with it. Take the time I was caught in flagrante in a Calcutta hotel by an outraged husband, and sold him on the idea that I was a doctor sounding her chest, or the occasion when they found me climbing through Jefferson Davis’s skylight and I pretended I was a workman come to fix his lightning-rod. A moment’s guilty hesitation, and I’d have been done for; indignant astonishment at being interfered with saw me through. But I’ve never done better than Willem von Starnberg in Franz-Josef’s woods above Ischl; that was a bravura performance, and would have been a pleasure to witness if I hadn’t been writhing in pain after he’d dam' near broken my leg. His father would have been proud of him.
We’d risen well before dawn and made a hurried breakfast—schnapps, mostly, for me, in a futile attempt to steady my nerves—and Kralta was on hand to bid the warriors farewell. Her cheek was like ice when she kissed me, but her lips were hungry enough, and there was moisture in the cold blue eyes and strain showing on the long proud face. She was anxious for me, you see, the besotted little aristo—it’s remarkable how even the most worldly of women can be rendered maudlin by Adam’s arsenal. Willem was impatient to be off, and it was more to annoy him than to comfort her that I folded her in a lingering embrace, squeezing her bottom as I assured her that we’d be back in fine trim in a day or two, and then Vienna, ha-ha!
The sun was not yet up, and autumn mist was wreathing over the waters of the Ischl as we crossed the bridges, deserted at that hour, and mounted the slope towards the woods, skirting well to the right of the royal lodge, which lay silent among its surrounding trees; a cock was crowing somewhere, the dew was thick on the short grass, and there was that tang in the nostrils that comes only at daybreak. We were attired as tourist walkers, in tweeds, boots and gaiters, Willem carrying a rucksack and I a flask and sandwich-case, and it was only when we had reached the higher woods and paused to look back at the lodge, and beyond and beneath it the distant roofs of Ischl town, gilded now by the first rays of the rising sun, that it struck me I was without one necessary item of equipment. When, I asked, was I to be armed for the fray?
"Not yet awhile," smiles Willem. "Remember that presently you’re going to be a limping invalid, who’s sure to be examined by a doctor, and we don’t want him blundering through your clobber and finding the likes of these, do we?" He opened the rucksack to display two revolvers, a Webley and a LeVaux. "I like an English piece myself, but the LeVaux' s neat enough for your pocket and fires a .45 slug, guaranteed to give any marauder the deuce of a bellyache. Take your choice."
Without thinking, I indicated the LeVaux … and so saved my life, and Franz-Josef’s, and heaven knows how many million other lives as well. If I’d chosen the Webley, Europe would probably have gone to war in ’83. Think I’m stretching? Wait and see.
"We’ll have twenty rounds apiece," says Willem, stowing away the guns. "If we need more … then we shall also need the Austrian army." His impatience had gone now that we were under way, and he was in that insufferably jocular mood that his father had affected whenever dirty work was imminent. "Now, ’twill be curtain up in a little while, so let’s rehearse our cues, shall we?"
We found a dry fallen tree trunk in the margin of the woods, and he repeated in detail the mad procedure which he’d described on the train, and again at the Golden Ship. It still sounded devilish chancy—suppose Franz-Josef hadn’t got up this morning, or didn’t invite us to stay, what then? I asked. He shook his head as at a mistrustful child, and was just assuring me patiently that it would all fall out precisely as the genius Otto had forecast, when from somewhere in the woods above us there came the distant sound of a gunshot.
"There, you see!" cries he, springing afoot. "Our royal host is doin' the local chamois a piece of no good!"
"How d’ye know it’s him? It might be anyone!"
"It might be the Aston Villa brake-club picnic, but I doubt it! In the Emperor’s personal woods?" He swung up his rucksack and plunged into the trees. "Come on!"
We pushed rapidly uphill into the woods, down into a little hollow, and up again over a steep stony place, and now there came two shots in quick succession, much closer and off to our left.
"Wait here!" says Willem, and was off into the undergrowth at a run. I breathed myself against a tree, debating whether to rush blindly downhill away from this fatal nonsense, remembered Hutton and the Queen, and stood there sweating and gnashing my teeth—and here he was again, face alight with unholy joy, slithering towards me over the fallen leaves and needles.