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Finn is God

I am concerned about that last email. You're quantifying me as "normal"?

Julie Seagle

Only in comparison to my relatives.

Finn is God

Huge relief. Less pressure to behave now.

Julie Seagle

Go nuts. You can't possibly be that bad.

Finn is God

Just wait...!

Julie Seagle

Very funny.

Julie tapped her foot during the seemingly endless four-minute pause. Topics, topics... What could they talk about? Ugh, this was a colossal mistake. He'd probably dozed off because she was so excruciatingly boring. Then finally Finn piped up.

Finn is God

What are you wearing?

Oh. My. God. This had now gone beyond colossal mistake to violently alarming. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

Finn is God

Julie? Relax. I'm kidding.

Julie laughed. Not only was he funny, but he wrote using actual whole words!

Julie Seagle

[Delete] [Delete] [Delete] Was just about to give you a full description of enticing bedroom attire.

Finn is God

Oh. NOT KIDDING! NOT KIDDING!

Finn is God

Fine. Kidding. Tell me more about Thanksgiving there. First time home should have been fun.

Julie Seagle

You would think. Big fight at the table. Didn't help that I wouldn't wear the pilgrim hat. More settled in Boston than I thought, and this whole trip just feels... disruptive.

Finn is God

More disruptive than living in my house? You're clearly unbalanced.

Julie Seagle

Hey! I like your house. Your parents are great, Celeste is my buddy, and Matt has been really nice.

Julie Seagle

Even Flat Finn seems to have accepted me.

Finn is God

*sob* Fear real family has been abducted and replaced with well-behaved clones. Tragedy. Enjoy new clone mommy!

Julie Seagle

So sorry for your loss, but the difference between our moms? Your so-called clone mom hooked me up w/awesome Harvard intel, and my mom doubled the hay pile display out front.

Finn is God

Lucky girl. I'd take the hay and run.

Julie Seagle

Ha ha! Don't be mean.

Finn is God

I'll put it this way: Erin is not as perfect as you may think.

Julie Seagle

Does she make you wear holiday hats, too?

Finn is God

She takes a different strategy to torture us.

Julie Seagle

Really? I have more in common with her than my own mother.

Finn is God

That's a horrible thing to say about yourself. Appearances are not everything. Case in point: One summer when I was at day camp, I made her an art project. She spent weeks saying how weird it was that I'd made her a woodcarving that said, "WOW."

Julie Seagle

???

Julie Seagle

Oh, wait a minute...!

Finn is God

Yeah. She had it upside down. It was supposed to read, "MOM."

Julie Seagle

I'm sorry, but that IS funny!

Finn is God

That's my mother for you. I think she still has it. And is probably still under the wrong impression.

Julie Seagle

Oh, my. Sort of sweet in a tragic way.

Finn is God

What about your parents? Love 'em or want to mail them back to Walmart?

Julie Seagle

Costco, actually. Mom is OK. A little... lacking depth, maybe? But nice. Dad is not around much.

Finn is God

Where is he?

Julie Seagle

They divorced when I was five, and I only get to see him a few times a year since then. He works all over the country, and it's hard to coordinate times to see him.

Finn is God

Sorry to hear that. You deserve better.

Julie Seagle