Finn is God
I am concerned about that last email. You're quantifying me as "normal"?
Julie Seagle
Only in comparison to my relatives.
Finn is God
Huge relief. Less pressure to behave now.
Julie Seagle
Go nuts. You can't possibly be that bad.
Finn is God
Just wait...!
Julie Seagle
Very funny.
Julie tapped her foot during the seemingly endless four-minute pause. Topics, topics... What could they talk about? Ugh, this was a colossal mistake. He'd probably dozed off because she was so excruciatingly boring. Then finally Finn piped up.
Finn is God
What are you wearing?
Oh. My. God. This had now gone beyond colossal mistake to violently alarming. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
Finn is God
Julie? Relax. I'm kidding.
Julie laughed. Not only was he funny, but he wrote using actual whole words!
Julie Seagle
[Delete] [Delete] [Delete] Was just about to give you a full description of enticing bedroom attire.
Finn is God
Oh. NOT KIDDING! NOT KIDDING!
Finn is God
Fine. Kidding. Tell me more about Thanksgiving there. First time home should have been fun.
Julie Seagle
You would think. Big fight at the table. Didn't help that I wouldn't wear the pilgrim hat. More settled in Boston than I thought, and this whole trip just feels... disruptive.
Finn is God
More disruptive than living in my house? You're clearly unbalanced.
Julie Seagle
Hey! I like your house. Your parents are great, Celeste is my buddy, and Matt has been really nice.
Julie Seagle
Even Flat Finn seems to have accepted me.
Finn is God
*sob* Fear real family has been abducted and replaced with well-behaved clones. Tragedy. Enjoy new clone mommy!
Julie Seagle
So sorry for your loss, but the difference between our moms? Your so-called clone mom hooked me up w/awesome Harvard intel, and my mom doubled the hay pile display out front.
Finn is God
Lucky girl. I'd take the hay and run.
Julie Seagle
Ha ha! Don't be mean.
Finn is God
I'll put it this way: Erin is not as perfect as you may think.
Julie Seagle
Does she make you wear holiday hats, too?
Finn is God
She takes a different strategy to torture us.
Julie Seagle
Really? I have more in common with her than my own mother.
Finn is God
That's a horrible thing to say about yourself. Appearances are not everything. Case in point: One summer when I was at day camp, I made her an art project. She spent weeks saying how weird it was that I'd made her a woodcarving that said, "WOW."
Julie Seagle
???
Julie Seagle
Oh, wait a minute...!
Finn is God
Yeah. She had it upside down. It was supposed to read, "MOM."
Julie Seagle
I'm sorry, but that IS funny!
Finn is God
That's my mother for you. I think she still has it. And is probably still under the wrong impression.
Julie Seagle
Oh, my. Sort of sweet in a tragic way.
Finn is God
What about your parents? Love 'em or want to mail them back to Walmart?
Julie Seagle
Costco, actually. Mom is OK. A little... lacking depth, maybe? But nice. Dad is not around much.
Finn is God
Where is he?
Julie Seagle
They divorced when I was five, and I only get to see him a few times a year since then. He works all over the country, and it's hard to coordinate times to see him.
Finn is God
Sorry to hear that. You deserve better.
Julie Seagle