Julie didn't understand why she was feeling such a loss. It's not as though she'd actually known Finn. It had been Matt the whole time. Technically, she hadn't lost anyone. But it felt like she had. To amp up her misery was the fact that she had hurt Matt so terribly yesterday. That might be the worst piece of all.Julie heard the house phone ring, and moments later Matt's voice filled the house.
"Julie! Julie!"She hadn't seen him since yesterday, when she had dropped from his embrace and fled to her room. The last thing she wanted was to face him now, but the sound in his voice let her know something was wrong."Julie!" Matt flung open the door. "Celeste is gone."
"What? What do you mean gone?"
"She didn't show up for third period today. My mother just called. She and Dad are heading over to the school now to see if anyone has seen her. Today is...today - "
"I know." Julie stood up. "It's Finn's birthday." This day must be intolerably painful. She rushed to the closet and yanked a shirt from a hanger. "We'll find her."
"I don't know where she could be. Something is wrong. She has never skipped class."
"Go start the car. I'll be down in a minute."
Matt nodded. "OK. Julie? Thank you. I know you hate me right now."He disappeared before she could protest.Ten minutes later, Matt and Julie were in the car and heading toward Celeste's school. It seemed worthwhile to drive around the area on the off-chance that she might be nearby. Julie had tried Rachel's house; however her mother hadn't heard from Celeste, and Rachel was most definitely in class today. Julie was hoping the two girls had ditched school together. Rachel's mom promised to call if she got news.Matt tapped the steering wheel. "Where could she be? Where could she be?"
"She'll be fine. She wouldn't have done anything stupid. It's got to be a hard day for her. For all of you."
"Yes, it is." He kept his eyes straight ahead. "I had to tell her about our... talk. She would have wondered what was wrong. I don't imagine that helped her."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so... callous yesterday. I just can't..." Her words trailed off. "I understand why you did what you did."
"You don't have to explain. Really."
Julie tapped her leg. She didn't want to think about yesterday. Matt looked totally spent. Even worse than she did. And he had shut down on her again. That whole pouring-his-soul out routine was over. But the only thing that mattered right now was finding Celeste. She stared out the window as Matt drove around aimlessly, desperately hoping to come across his sister. Julie closed her eyes. Think. Think. Where would Celeste go?"Matt, take a left. Here. Here!"
"Why?"
"I know where she is."
He yanked the wheel and steered them toward the Charles River. "She couldn't have," he said in disbelief. "Why would she go there?"
"She went to the site of the accident. She must have."
They sped down Memorial Drive. It was beautiful out today, with comfortable temperatures, blues skies, and a wonderful breeze. The irony of them all feeling so dreadful was undeniable.Suddenly, Matt pulled the car over the curb and hit the brakes.
"There she is."They both got out and raced toward her. Celeste sat on a wooden bench, looking out at the sparkling water. Matt and Julie crossed a grassy area, walking between students reading on blankets and bikers taking a break, and sat down on either side of Celeste.
"It's a lovely day for boating, isn't it?" Celeste finally asked. She put her hand in Matt's, but continued staring at the river. "I've always thought it would be such fun to go for a ride down this river in a boat."
"We could go sometime. They rent canoes here, you know?" Julie kicked her feet back and forth.
"I would love to do that with you."They sat silently for a few minutes, watching the boats go by.Finally, Celeste turned and looked at Julie. Her eyes were red and puffy, but her voice was clear. "I'm not crazy, you know."
Julie nodded. "I know that."
"I am aware that Finn is dead. Despite my seemingly unbreakable association with Flat Finn, I have always known that. I'm not delusional."
"I understand."
"I loved Finn so much. You would have really liked him, Julie. He was magical, wasn't he, Matty?"
"He was," Matt agreed. "Finn was someone special."
Celeste leaned her head on his shoulder. "You're magical, too. I love you, Matthew. I know that you think I liked Finn better than you. That's not true. You are just a much of part of me as Finn is. I utterly worship you both. Always and forever. If you had died, there would have been a Flat Matt. I would have laughed endlessly at the silly rhyme."
Matt dropped his head back and looked into the blue sky. "Sweetie, don't... just don't."
"I'm terribly sorry, Julie," Celeste continued. "I chose to create Flat Finn, and I chose to believe that Finn was traveling. This is my responsibility. I have an overly powerful imagination, and I made everyone abide by my fantasies. We didn't mean to trick you."
"You don't have to apologize for anything," Julie said.
"You're leaving tomorrow. I won't see you anymore."
"I think I'll leave tonight, actually. It seems best." She could feel Matt staring at her. "But you'll see me all the time. You and I will meet once a week in Harvard Square. Promise."
"And Matt. Matt could come too," Celeste suggested.
"We'll see," Julie said.
"Please don't be angry with him. It's because of me that Matt did what he did. He is totally enamored with you, Julie. Captivated. I see it in his eyes. Even though he looks tremendously demoralized today, I can still see it in his eyes. If you're not totally disgruntled with me, you can't be with him either. That's not fair."