Hunters had stumbled upon the first of the four bodies in the woods; a grid search by police and my anthropology students yielded the remaining three. The photos from the case showed the victims in various stages of decomposition, ranging from fresh (one body was only a few days old) to almost fully skeletonized, and the contrasts-plus the notoriety of the case-always sparked keen interest among students. But over breakfast, I’d decided to scrap today’s lesson plan.
I had slept badly and awakened tired and frustrated. Jess’s Chattanooga cross-dresser case was nagging at me-the police didn’t seem to be making any headway, from what Jess had told me, and I wasn’t sure that our reconstruction of the death scene was likely to give them much more to work with. If they’d been trying to confirm or refute a potential suspect’s alibi, it might help for me to nail down the time since death. But with no suspects anywhere in sight, I couldn’t see that it would jump-start the case for me to say something like “He’d been dead five to six days by the time he was found.”
So I was already cranky when I sat down with my bowl of instant oatmeal. Then, when I opened the Knoxville News Sentinel, one of the stories in the national news section tipped me into full-blown rage. An Associated Press wire story related how the state Board of Education in Kansas-a state where I had once taught, early in my career-had voted to require science teachers to criticize evolutionary theory. In undermining evolution, the board members were indirectly championing “intelligent design,” a sneaky, pseudoscientific term for creationism: the theory that life is too complex to have evolved without the guiding hand of a whip-smart Creator. In adopting the new policy, the Board of Education ignored the advice of their own science committee, as well as the pleas of the National Academy of Sciences and the National Science Teachers Association. They also ignored the accumulated evidence of a century and a half of painstaking scientific research.
I fumed as I drove to campus and gathered my materials for class. I fumed as I made my way down the stairs and out of the stadium; I fumed as I ascended the sidewalk to McClung Museum, which housed the lecture hall where the class met; I was still fuming as I strode into the auditorium, which was filled to capacity.
“Good morning,” I said. “I have bad news. I’m postponing the lecture about the Zoo Man case.” Groans and good-natured boos erupted around the auditorium. “I’ll show those slides a week from now. Today, we’re going to talk instead about unintelligent design.”
A hand shot up in the third row. The young man spoke without waiting to be acknowledged. “Excuse me, Dr. Brockton,” he said with an air of proud helpfulness, “don’t you mean intelligent design?”
“No,” I said, “I mean unintelligent design. Dumb design.” Someone giggled briefly. “People who don’t believe in evolution are always talking about the brilliant design of the human body,” I continued, “about what a cosmic genius the designer had to have been. Well, today we’re going to talk about a few design features you and I have that would suggest some inefficiency, some inattention to detail, or some downright shoddy work in our design.” I scanned the room; clearly I had their full attention.
“Let’s start with teeth. Show me your teeth.” I opened my mouth as wide as it would go, retracted my lips, wiggled my mandible back and forth, and tilted my head in all directions to flash my not-so-pearly whites. Some of the students rolled their eyes, appalled at the silliness, but most of them mimicked what I was doing, if a bit less comically. “Good,” I said. “Most of you still have some teeth. Clearly UT’s admission standards have gone up lately.” I heard a few chuckles, saw a few more teeth. “Okay, now I want you all to stick a finger in your mouth and run it all around your upper and lower jaw to count how many teeth you have. This is an experiment; we’ll gather some data on evolution, or ‘secular change,’ as we usually call it in physical anthropology.” I demonstrated, reaching my index finger back to my upper right molars and tracing a line around my mandible, counting aloud as I went: “Un, oo, ree, or, ive, ix,” ending at “unny-eight.” I went to the chalkboard and wrote “28” in foot-high numerals. I turned back to face them. “By the way,” I added, “if you’ve had your wisdom teeth extracted, or any other teeth, add those to your total. Ready? Count.”
A few students tried counting with their tongues; most used an index finger, as I had done, but a sizable subset of the girls used the long nail of a pinkie so as to be more delicate about the procedure. As the students fished around in their mouths, it looked as if they were trying to dislodge popcorn hulls from their teeth. Then, almost as if choreographed, a hundred fingertips rubbed across pants legs and skirts to wipe off traces of saliva.
“Okay,” I said, “now let’s analyze our data. How many of you had thirty-two teeth, which is what’s considered normal for an adult human?” A sprinkling of hands shot up, representing about a quarter of the class. “How many had twenty-four?” I saw roughly the same number of hands. “And how many had twenty-eight?” Half the students raised their hands.
“See, this is interesting,” I said. “Only a quarter of you have thirty-two, which is considered a full set of teeth-for modern humans. But for our ancestors thirty or forty million years ago, the norm was forty-four-which, by the way, is still the standard for most mammalian teeth. If you’d lived forty million years ago, you’d have had twelve more teeth. Where would you put them? Anybody in here feel like they’ve got room enough for a dozen more molars?” I shook my head dramatically. “And why is that? Because our jaws have gotten smaller. And why is that?” Faces went blank; shoulders shrugged.
I had started slowly, but now I was gathering momentum, like a rhino on the run. “A couple hundred million years ago, our ancestors, the first mammals, began evolving from swamp lizards,” I said. “They were small mammals about the size of squirrels or shrews, called ‘preprimate insectivores’; they lived on the ground and ate bugs. They had long snouts, sort of like anteaters, and their eyes were on the sides of their heads.” I tapped both temples for emphasis. “Well, at the same time, another group of animals was emerging: the dinosaurs. Now, what happens when a tyrannosaurus or a brontosaurus steps on a preprimate insectivore?” I smacked one palm down on top of the other. “Splat,” I said. “So some of the brainier insectivores decided they’d be safer up in the trees, where they wouldn’t get stepped on. Good idea; more of those survived. But not all. If you’re skittering around in the trees, jumping from branch to branch, it’s hard to see which branch to grab if your eyes are on the sides of your head and you’ve got a big snout in the middle of your face. So some of these critters fall out of the trees and get eaten. Or stomped on.” I made the splat again. “So over time-remember, we’re talking millions of years-the survival rate, and the reproductive rate, is higher in the ones with smaller snouts and eyes closer to the front of their heads. But to lose that snout, they have to lose some teeth-if you’ve got forty-four teeth, you’re going to have a mighty big snout. So natural selection favors those with smaller snouts. Fewer teeth. The fossil record documents all these changes in great detail.”
The young man in row three raised his hand again. “But you’re assuming the fossils were formed over millions of years. What if they weren’t? Painters and sculptors can easily create works of art that look very old, even though they’re not. If they can do that on a small scale, why couldn’t God do it on a much bigger scale?”