“I shouldn’t spread rumors,” she said. “I thought you would be glad to hear that he had been fired.”
I couldn’t tell her how glad I was. “Tell me about the rumors,” I said.
“The usual things,” she said, “that he had been drinking on the job, that he had taken some drugs from one of the cabinets, stuff like that. Someone said she had heard he had raped one of the staff.”
“What do you think?” I asked, unwilling to let the subject die.
“I barely knew him,” she said. “Most of what I knew of him is what you told me. He was certainly cruel to you.”
If he was cruel to me, he likely was cruel to others as well.
“When they hired him, they wanted someone who was tough, she said. “I remember someone saying that Warren would take no prisoners, as if that were a virtue.”
As we walked I feasted on the news of Warren’s comedown while trying to keep it to myself, my pleasure tainted with shame. I felt deep down that I had done it and was almost sorry. He probably needed the job, I thought.
“You seem lost in thought,” she said. “Your enemy’s comeuppance doesn’t seem to have made you any happier. I thought you’d be overjoyed at the news, Mel.”
“I don’t think we should take pleasure in other peoples misfortunes, even if deserved,” I said sententiously.
She squeezed my hand again. “I agree,” she said. “It pleases me that you’re not vindictive, though sometimes I think that you don’t stand up for yourself enough. If Warren stole drugs then it couldn’t have been you.”
I had thought of that. “Isn’t it all rumor?” I said.
“Some rumors are true,” she said. “If you like, I’ll talk to them about hiring you to replace him. It’s a long shot, of course. Would you like me to talk to them for you.”
“What does a Head of Security do?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “For one, he hires people like you to police the premises at night.”
“I suppose he also checks the credentials of your staff,” I said. “I could do that, though I have no experience in that line of work.”
“I’ll find out what the job description is,” she said, “and show it to you. How much experience do you need to do a job like that? What you need is a certain amount of intelligence, which you have, and a certain amount of integrity.”
I didn’t know that I wanted the job, though my replacing Warren seemed fitting in its way. “There are procedures I know nothing about.”
The more reticence I showed, the more determined she was in getting me the job.
“At least let me talk to the woman doing the hiring about you,” she said. “If by any chance they offer you the job, you can always decline it then. Okay?”
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
I told Klotzman about Eva recommending me for the Head of Security job and he responded with a blank look. “Is that the kind of job you really want?” he asked.
“I could do it,” I said. “I don’t think I’ll get it.”
“I have to say,” he said in his know-it-all way, “I’d be greatly surprised if you got it. But say you did, would you take it?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “I might. Why not?”
He held up his hands as if someone were attacking him. “It just seems to me a strange job for someone who has problems with feelings of guilt.”
I didn’t disagree. “Everything is hard if you have constant feelings of guilt. What does a Head of Security do?”
“I don’t even know.”
He shook his head. “You had better find out if you’re going to interview for the job. Don’t you think, Mel?”
I admitted that made sense. Still, I was taken aback by his negative attitude.
“You once told me, Dr. Klotzman, that I could do most things if I set my mind to it.”
“That was your mother that told you that. What I said is that you’re capable of more things than you know.”
“Well, maybe I could do this job, if I set my mind to it,” I said. His negativity was making me sound more positive than I felt.
“Maybe you could,” he allowed, “but first I should think you would have to know what the job entailed.”
More unfelt bravado. “I like the idea of replacing the man who disgraced me.”
“I see,” he said. “A little while back you wanted to be a therapist. This job might require some of the same skills.”
“I thought of that,” I said. “This may all be academic if I don’t get an interview.”
“As long as you don’t have excessive expectations,” he said.
As it turned out, I did get an interview, which surprised me and didn’t. Eva must have really sung my praises, though she told me her friend, Margaret, who did the hiring, seemed receptive to what she said.
For the interview I wore the only suit I had, a grey-striped thing years out of style, ironing it myself to make it look less ragged.
Margaret made me feel at ease as much as I ever did. I showed her my career resume, which was embarrassingly flimsy. She studied it, then put it aside. “It’s not a hard job,” she said, “but you haven’t done much in this line.”
I admitted that was the case. “It represents a challenge,” I said, afraid she might laugh at the remark.
“You like challenges?” she asked.
I couldn’t very well say I didn’t, which was nearer to the truth. “I would be a kinder, gentler Head of Security than the last one.”
That made her laugh. “And you do have computer skills?”
I said I did, another overstatement.
“Are you good at judging character?” she asked.
“I think so,” I said, another overstatement. I was acting the role Eva had written for me.
The rest of the interview was more of the same with Margaret making the assumptions and me modestly not denying them. She apologized after the interview was concluded at Warren’s mistreatment of me. We shook hands before I left but I felt a kiss might not be out of the question.
The next day Eva told me I had made a favorable impression, though Margaret wasn’t going to make a decision until after a few more interviews. “Congratulations,” she said.
So Eva was happy with me and for the moment I was happy with myself.
The next day Eva told me I had a strong competitor, someone who had a number of security jobs in his resume. “That’s all right,” I said. “I have no expectations. After all, I’m not qualified.”
A few days later, I got a call from Empire Medical Supplies offering me the job. They wanted, I was told, someone with a fresh approach.
I went into work the next day and was given a much larger office than previously, one on the top floor. It had a sign on the door: Head of Security. I wore my old suit, my only suit, but I thought a job like this deserved a replacement. My first day on the job, I fiddled with the computer on my desk, made an effort at looking busy in case anyone came around. I played solitaire on the computer and lost several games before I won one. No one looked in on me, though I got a few interoffice calls asking how I was doing. I had the same answer for each. “Swimmingly.” I said. I left my desk twice to go to the bathroom. They had a very congenial Men’s Room on my floor.
The next day was more of the same, but I was beginning to get bored. There was a file cabinet in the room with files on each of the employees. Mostly just resumes. There were a few letters of commendation — Eva had two — and in one a complaint from one employee of another. Reading through the files filled part of the day, though I have to say there was not much of interest. Toward closing Eva came in to ask how I was getting along. “Swimmingly,” I said.
My pre-planned remark seemed to please her. “Don’t let me down,” she said. “I went out on a limb for you.”
Could I tell her that I had no idea what was expected of me? I said I’d do my best to be worthy of her recommendation, and in fact I was doing my best.