“Isn’t it enough?” she shot back. “I can’t believe I wanted children in the first place. And now I want more? Ugh. I swear, Paul, sometimes I think I’m crazy.” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Her mood went from feisty to glum. “Maybe this time I’ll get it right.”
“You got it right the first time. The first three times.”
“No. No, I didn’t. Laurie doesn’t trust me, Emily does everything on her own, and Susie might as well be your child.”
“That isn’t true and you know it.”
“I suppose. But I really messed things up when I was drinking. I’m trying to make amends, but…” She took another slow, calming breath. “It’s just so difficult.”
“No one ever said being a parent was easy.”
“I know. Only, I want at least one child who loves me.”
“You have three.”
“You know what I mean. Yeah, I know,” she added before I could reply, “we’ll talk about it next week.”
I decided to change the subject. “How was camp today?”
Christy brightened immediately. She wasn’t very happy with Laurie at the moment, but her pride hadn’t suffered a bit.
“Good. No, great! Laurie even started having fun. When she wasn’t annoyed with me, I mean.”
“How are the instructors?”
“Oh my gosh, they’re amazing. Two Olympic medalists and a coach from the US National team.”
“Wow!”
“Mmm. That’s why Wren wanted to come here instead of the other camps. The coaches are a lot better. The other girls, too. Some of them are really fast, especially the older ones. Two have scholarships already, to Duke and UNC. Laurie figured it out pretty quick, and she’s already started to push herself.”
“That’s awesome. But be careful,” I cautioned. “You know how she is. She’ll do the opposite if she thinks you want something.”
“I know. But Wren and I have a plan. Laurie will do anything for her, so I’m going to fade into the background.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“No,” she said immediately, “but I want what’s best for Laurie. Besides, I think she finally understands what I’ve been trying to tell her. What it’s like to be a little fish in a big pond, I mean. She’s used to winning easily, and she doesn’t like it when she doesn’t.”
Wren’s voice sounded in the background, “I bought ice cream and Chex Mix. Which—?”
“Oh my gosh, ice cream,” Christy said. “Yum! Gimme. No, the other one, the drumstick.”
“Who’re you—? Never mind.” Wren raised her voice, “Hey, Paul! I’m taking care of her, don’t worry.”
“Tell her thanks,” I chuckled, and Christy repeated it as she tore open the drumstick wrapper.
“Thank you, my love. This is perfect, exactly what I wanted.” She continued with barely a pause after she’d taken a bite. “Okay, Mr. Voicemail, you’ve heard about my day. How was yours? Did you have fun at the party? It’s been, like, a million years since I told you.”
“I know what you mean. Anyway, the party was fine. We…”
She ate her ice cream while I gave her a rundown of everything that had happened since our last phone call.
“Hold on,” she said when I finished, “why didn’t you ask her to spend the night?”
“Who?” Wren demanded from the background.
“Allie.”
“Oh, brother.” Wren raised her voice again, “That was quick! We haven’t even been gone a whole day. Did you at least get lucky?”
“No,” I said, more disgusted than I realized.
“Hush, Wren. Sorry,” Christy said to me. “What happened?”
“Nothing. I just read the signals wrong. She was flirting for fun. She wasn’t serious.”
“Maybe while she was still married,” Christy insisted, “but that was because of Ken. She’s been pretty serious since they separated. She tries to hide it, but I can tell.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I disagreed mildly. “I invited her to spend the night. I even gave her the option to pretend it was just a sleepover for the girls. She declined.” Firmly.
“Hmm. She must’ve panicked. She knows about us. Our relationship, I mean. I even told her she’s welcome to borrow you.”
“Borrow me?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Wish you’d mentioned it to me,” I grumbled.
“Paul, dear…”
“I know,” I sighed. “It’s what you do.”
“Yes. Besides, she hasn’t slept with anyone since Ken. It wasn’t very good even before they split. She has toys, but it isn’t the same. She needs a penis, Paul.”
“You oughta let me try,” Wren said in the background.
Christy sighed. “Wren, please… this is serious.”
“I know! I can totally turn her. I’ll add her to my collection.”
“She’s a person, Wren,” Christy said, “not a trophy.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I’d said the same thing to Trip, countless times. But he had matured, while Wren had regressed. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
“Don’t worry,” Christy told her, “Paul can do it.”
“Yeah, but who’s gonna do me?” Wren play-whined.
“Later. I told you. Now… if you don’t mind?” She paused before she returned to me. “Maybe you can try again tomorrow?”
“We’ll see,” I said noncommittally.
“Her air conditioner won’t be fixed till Monday, will it? So, invite her to the pool to hang out.”
“We’ll see,” I repeated. Christy called me Mr. Positive, but I wasn’t so sure this time. I knew a no when I heard it, and Allie had given me a hard one.
The little head did his Beavis and Butt-head impression, Hehe, hehe, she gave you a hard one.
“Oh my gosh,” Christy laughed. “I totally heard that! What did he say?”
I sighed.
“Something about a hard-on?” she guessed.
“Am I really that predictable?”
“No,” she said with a smile in her voice, “but he is.”
“You can say that again.”
“No, but he is.”
I ignored her teasing. “Anyway, I love you—”
“I love you too.”
“—and I’ll put my phone on the charger by the bed.”
“Okay. I’ll give Laurie mine before breakfast. Then maybe she won’t be so rude. I swear, Paul… One day…”
I chuckled and smiled. “I know. Anyway, I’d better let you get some sleep.”
“Or something,” she agreed, and Wren whooped in the background. “Oh, boy,” Christy sighed. “She’s turning into a teenager again. I swear. Anyway… where were we?”
“Saying goodnight.”
“Right. I love you. Sleep well. And tell Mr. Big I said hello.”
“I love you too,” I said. “G’night.”
“Goodnight.”
I closed the phone and ended the call.
“Christy says hello,” I said to the little head. “But it looks like it’s just you and Rosy tonight.”
And whose fault is that?
Not mine, I shot back.
Uh-huh. Whatever. Now, do you wanna do it in the shower for old time’s sake or in bed like a lonely bachelor?
I decided to call his bluff. Or not at all. I mean, if—
No! No! I didn’t mean it. I swear. The shower, in bed, whatever you want. We can even put in a sex tape.
I sighed. Forty years old and still jerking off.
At least the porn’s better. I mean, home movies… who doesn’t love those?
True. Speaking of which…
Yes!
* * *
My days of early morning runs were a thing of the past. I wasn’t a twenty-something anymore, or even a thirty-something. These days I did yoga instead of full-contact martial arts, and I occasionally reminded myself that getting older meant wiser too. That was the theory, at least. Sometimes I even believed it.