At this point I’m pretty much dodging the situation that happened today. Basically I talked to Allison. God, that was freakishly uncomfortable. I don’t exactly come across as the Queen of Feels, so it’s not as if I’m having regular heart-to-hearts, even with her. Once in a while, though, you’ve got to open up the old love chest and tell someone how you feel. As terribly, incredibly painful and awkward as that might be.
Anyway, I look at her as she heads my way, the hall framing her like a menacing portrait. Her aggressive footsteps make me seize up, and I just kinda go limp there, staring at her as she gets closer. Every second she’s getting larger and larger, like a storm you see rushing from the horizon. At that point I have a choice: let her walk by or say something.
I might as well be a ghost since she passes by like she can’t see me. Then her footsteps are fading. Dammit, Allison, couldn’t you have been the one to crack?
“Allison!” I shout, turning around as she does the same. We stand there looking at each other. It’s like two armies that have a cease-fire but could still start shooting at any second.
“Jackie,” she says, nodding her head. “Nice to see you.”
“Yeah, uh, hey. Nice to see you, too.”
“Is there something you wanted?”
I’m not going to apologize to her. “Look, I’m sorry, Allison.” Dammit.
She bows her head and takes a few steps my way. Then she takes a few more steps, and she’s close. Uncomfortably close. I’m not really a hugs and chocolates kind of girl. Well, rarely.
“I’m sorry, too,” she says, but she says it quietly. Then her voice goes low, like the storm’s suddenly passed. “You know I just don’t want to get into trouble with Security, right?”
“I get it, Allison. But, and I know this is going to bother you, I need to ask questions. That’s kinda my thing. I’ll try not to be too loud about it though, aaaand I promise I’ll be, you know, sensitive when you’re having a freak-out.”
She smiles as she stands up straight again. “I really was kind of freaking out, wasn’t I?”
“Kind of? I might as well have been in Reinforcement.”
“Don’t kid now,” she says, raising a finger. Still, she’s smiling, and that’s a good thing. “Okay, Jackie. I promise to try and understand your perspective, too. I mean, I don’t…” Her eyes roll up, like the answers are in heaven. “I don’t get why you have this need. It feels like it’ll just make trouble. But we’re not the same. And that’s okay. Maybe that’s just the way it is.”
“You got to know, though, Allison. All I want to know is how we got here. That’s why I ask about the past. We can’t know what we’re doing here unless we know something about what forced us here in the first place. Someone has to remember.”
“I know, Jackie.” She squeezes my shoulder, and I restrain myself from flinching. The feels, man. “Just know I’ve got your back. I don’t necessarily want to, because all I want to know is that food’s going to be there every Sevenths Day. But if it’s important to you, I’ll listen. I’ll support you.”
“Thanks, chief. I appreciate it.”
“Don’t call me chief,” she says with a wink. “Anyway, I have work shift on the rooftop today. Ever since Danny was taken out by Security, we’ve been lagging.”
“Gotcha,” I say, snapping my fingers her way. “Sucks being one person down.”
“Right. Well, good talk. I’ll see you soon?”
“You got it, chief,” I say with a wink, twirling away and sighing. Thank God that’s over with. I mean, I’m glad we’re back on good terms, but I just wish there was a way to skip the emotional thickness. That’s a coat that doesn’t wash off easy.
Did I mention that Danny won’t be back for another week? Damn. That’s a lot of Reinforcement.
Recording Eight
“And on Sevenths Day, the Tower rests.”
God. I get so tired of hearing that, and it has to be said at least once a week. See, every seventh day is food day, the day that everyone gets to have off from work. Well, everyone except Security. We kind of need those guys, but they still get most Sevenths Days off. They have a rotation so that that they only work one Sevenths Day each month.
So even though I hate the public announcement since it wakes me up when I’m trying to sleep in late, I do like the grub. We get our weekly supply of food delivered to our door in crates, and the only thing we have to do is unpack it, store it, and set the crates back out. I’m lucky. Living on Floor 4, we get a little more food delivered than everyone else. I think that has to do with the type of work my dad does. He’s really in demand as a scientist, so we get extra rations. We also get other stuff, too. Sugar for one thing, and salt. Man, you can’t have good soup without some salt. I feel bad for everyone that doesn’t get any, which is pretty much most people in the Tower.
Although I was thinking about this today, too. My family gets a decent amount of food. Allison’s told me she doesn’t get as much, and she definitely doesn’t get nearly as much salt. You can’t grow salt, after all. We get that from the Scavengers, who have to bring it back from… well, from wherever they go when they go on the Scavenging. The lower floors, I guess.
But so, think about this. I get this much food because I live on Floor 3. That probably mean the people living on Floor 1 get even more. I know for sure Allison gets less food, since she’s told me that before. She lives on Floor 6. I’m guessing they do it this way since there’s only so much food from the gardens to go around. Well, I got to thinking. What happens when you get to Floor 11? I guess they get even less food. So, what happens on Floor 12? Floor 15? I know people live down there. How much are those guys getting to eat each week? It can’t be much, and they can’t come up here for more.
So, what are they eating, and where are they getting their food from? The Tower Authority? I can’t see how. Just about everything that comes out of the garden gets eaten by the upper levels. Look, I work those veggies like everyone else. I’ve got calluses as big as quarters to prove it. I know we’re not getting enough to feed everyone past, like, maybe Floor 15. If that.
If you’re wondering why I’m thinking about this, well, of course I am. My brain’s an overactive addict hooked on info, plus just the fact that we have to go to second floor is a reminder. Don’t forget that on Sevenths Day, we have to go to Reception, which—it’s not like I hate Reception. It’s actually kind of fun, afterward. You get to hang with the other kids and just chill for a while, plus it’s the only time when the top floors all get together at once. I’m not just talking about kids my age. I mean everyone. Parents, old people, just about anyone you’ve ever seen in your part of the Tower. So we have to go and sit, and listen to Receiver Garry talk for an hour.
What I’ve never liked is the Reception Hall. There’s a lot of really creepy stuff they’ve got pinned on the walls, the sort of stuff you don’t see anywhere else in the Tower. There’s this one thing in particular, a wooden carving of a man hung on a cross. Well, maybe that’s not the right word to describe it. I mean, he’s literally bleeding out of his hands and feet, so he’s got some major issues going on. What the heck is that supposed to be? It’s pinned up there, looking down on us like he’s about to bleed all over our heads, and nobody can even tell me why. Nobody can remember why it was put there in the first place. Then you’ve got this other stuff hanging around, like this six-pointed star and a few rugs laid out on the floor. Also, there’s a book on the back table written in some squiggly language I can’t read. Oh, but there is one statue I do like. It’s this big, fat guy that’s laughing. He’s got, like, his whole belly out there for the world to see. You rock it, fat man. I don’t know who you are, but you shake that belly.