- It’s because of him, isn’t it? – Luís looked at me with anger and irony – I had already realized the way you look at each other.
- Him? Who? – I asked confused.
- The French guy. I’ve already noticed everything. Do you think I’m stupid? – That accusation made no sense to me. I didn’t know any French. I thought he was looking for some tactic to reverse things.
- I don’t know who you’re talking about. I came here to say that we aren’t together and I hope you won’t come close to me – I said, walking towards the exit.
- Right. I’m sorry. Are you going back to the bar? – he asked resignedly.
- No. I’ll go to my room.
52 – A GREEK DANCE
When I got into Isadora’s house that morning, the radio was on and it was playing a very beautiful Greek song. My boss was beaming and humming along with the old stereo.
- Can you dance, Paula? – she asked me from the kitchen while her husband arranged the children for school on the living room couch.
- Greek music? This is the first time I’ve listened to it – I explained with my accented English.
- Come on, darling. I’ll teach you a few steps – She turned up the volume and took off her shoes as she dragged me by the hand to the living room rug.
The children, the boy was six and the girl was five, had fun watching our show, while Solon smiled, looking at the woman who was bubbling with happiness.
- Glad to see you like this, Isadora. This is a great way to start the day, don’t you think kids? – I commented. Sofia and Dimitri clapped.
- It’s this malaca’s – Isadora released me and walked towards her husband, kissing him on the mouth.
Malacca was the only Greek expression I learned in my days in Corfu. The meaning was something like ass or big ass. Asshole, in English translation.
I worked less than 2 hours that morning and Isadora invited me to go downtown with her by car. She had some things to work out and wanted company.
- Luis is a good guy and he seems to like you – she told me, balancing her brown acrylic glasses at the tip of her nose and lifting her head to look at the road through the lens.
- I believe he is, but he got confused. We’re not together.
- But I saw you kissing at the bar. Yesterday he was working very happy, but today I noticed that he was very quiet. – She continued without looking away from the road.
- Yes. That kiss was a mistake. He insisted a lot, I drank a few more beers… – I tried to justify what was unjustifiable, and gave up. – I didn’t want to have kissed him and I still blame myself for that – I said, looking out the car window and watching the piles of garbage accumulated on the side of the road.
- Don’t worry. He’ll forget that soon. You must forget it too – Isadora comforted me.
53 – CHANGE IS THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE
The days went slowly and hot on this unknown island of Greece. I, at least, had never heard of Corfu. The beach near the hostel was bathed by the indescribable blue of the Mediterranean Sea and it had many rounded stones scattered across the coarse sand.
I had to be direct with Isadora to have my work schedule respected. In the early days, I was working 7 to 8 hours a day, when the contract on the work exchange website said 5 hours a day.
- Will you still need me today, Isadora? – I asked as soon as the clock struck one o’clock on my fourth day. I arrived at 8 am punctually, and was I missing the employees’ lunch break every day.
- Why? Do you have anything urgent to sort out? – Isadora asked curiously.
- No. But my 5 hours of work are complete for today and I’d like to enjoy the beach – I said calmly as she had a facial expression I couldn’t read.
- You can go. I’ll text you if I need anything later – she said a little annoyed. I could tell she understood my message.
After having some white rice with sautéed vegetables and pot roast for lunch, I spent all afternoon at the beach alone. I began to remember everything I had experienced in those eight months since the divorce. It was more than I had lived in my 36 years of life. How things have changed? How many times have things changed since the biggest change of all?
Lulu Santos’[16] song came to my mind as a message from my memory.
I cried copiously looking at the waves dying in the sand. Each one in a different way. I was so thorough that I began to become aware of the reality around me.
“It is impossible to have one wave like another. Not even the days are alike. In a few seconds the clouds move and the sky has already changed. The water that has just come has taken thousands of grains of sand and not even the beach is the same. Never. Everything, absolutely everything, is changing all the time. Every thousandth of a second things are changing and nothing is ever the same again. Change is the nature of the universe.”
After writing this down in my reflective journal, I wondered why humans are so resistant to change if our body itself is constantly changing? We’re made of the same changing matter as the rest of the world. I was sure that living this unpredictable trip was meant to teach me once and for all that nothing was permanent. But it still took me a long time to accept this lesson.
54 – THE FRENCH GUY
In my short blue flowery dress, I came back from another sunset by the beach. As I was waking up earlier to have a shower and breakfast before work, I changed my meditation routine to late afternoon and I was given the most beautiful sunsets of the entire trip as gifts every day.
I described those moments with inexplicable emotion in my gratitude journal, which I always wrote after meditating.
Luis hadn’t given up on me yet and I was very angry with him. Even so, I wondered what that situation wanted to show me daily. What he had that made me so disgusted. But the things he did are matters for another time.
That late afternoon, I met the blue-eyed guy with black eyelashes whose name I didn’t know yet, playing basketball alone on the court near the pool. The whole area was completely abandoned, as it was low season and the beach restaurant had been closed that morning. None of the private rooms around the pool were occupied, and the entire seaside complex was quiet, like a cemetery. Only the laundry was open in the morning.
As I approached the court, trying to disguise the euphoria that engulfed me, I noticed a smirk on his face.
- Hello – he said, looking at me with a strange mixture of shyness and boldness.
- Hi! – I answered smiling and, I admit, nicer than usual.
- How are you doing? – He asked as he tossed the ball from one hand to the other, watching me walk.
16
Lulu Santos, stage name of Luiz Maurício Pragana dos Santos, is a Brazilian singer and guitarist.
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