- Good, what about you? – I said, without stopping walking and not looking back.
- I’m good too.
The same night I made things clear to Luis, I told Luana about the jealous question he had made about a French guy that I didn’t even know who he was. She then pointed at the boy, exactly him.
- They are both handsome, but I’m impressed by the shorter one – she warned.
- Really? Is that him? It was the only guy I found interesting here. But I think he’s with his girlfriend. Do I look at him so much that Luis and other people notice? – I asked.
- I’m not sure if the blonde is his girlfriend. But Luis’s question may be insecurity. The three of them work together, and not even men can deny the two French guys are very handsome – she deduced.
From that day on, Luana and I had fun whenever the French guys arrived in the same place we were.
- Oi lindos, tudo bem? / Hi handsome, everything all right? – we’d say in Portuguese, but in a serious conversation tone.
The Argentinian blonde was a guest and left in a few days while the French guys kept working at the hostel. Their relationship was really strange. They were always together, but they didn’t touch, didn’t kiss, didn’t even hold hands. But I never dared to ask anything about them.
55 – MORE THAN A THORN IN THE SIDE
The Argentinian had already left, and the French were alone at a table near the huge window at dinner time.
- Let’s sit with them.
It was common for volunteers to always sit at the same tables and with the same people. Luana and I always sat together, but we were always changing tables and companies. So it would not be strange to occupy the empty seats at the table with the handsome boys.
- Can we sit with you? – I asked with the tray in my hands, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.
- Of course. – He shook his head with a smile.
- My name is Paula and this is Luana. We’re from Brazil. – I said as I pulled the chair.
- France. – He pointed to his friend and to himself. “I’m Laurent.” “Lorran,” he continued to put his hand on his chest with that “r” pulled from the roof of his mouth.
- Jean – “Jan” replied the friend, smiling at Luana.
We didn’t have much time to talk in peace. Luis soon arrived, served his plate and sat at the same table, right in front of me. Talking to the boys with forced excitement and intimacy, he made jokes. My face changed dramatically.
- Paula, we’re going to the village for a few drinks after dinner. Do you wanna go? – Luis asked me with a begging face. Luana had already commented about the night of drinks in one of the bars of the charming little village that was just down the street from our hostel and I had said that if Luis was going then I wouldn’t go.
- No thanks. – I said without looking at him.
- Come on. Why not? – he insisted.
- Luis, don’t invite me to do anything, please. I’ll always say no to you, – I said in a low, aggressive tone, this time looking straight into his eyes.
The table was in awkward silence. We were speaking Portuguese, but from the way I spoke, I believe that even the French guys understood that I was blowing him off.
At the end of dinner, Luis got up and said he would go to his room to get his wallet. When he left us four at the table, I felt more relaxed.
- Are you going to the bar, Paula? – Laurent asked.
- I would like to, but Luis annoys me a lot. – I said with sadness.
- I know. But don’t mind him. Let’s go! – He could ask me anything by flashing his long black lashes over those blue eyes. I would say yes without thinking.
As we were walking down the street, Luís ran to reach us.
- Wait for me, you sons of bitches! – He shouted in his Portuguese accent. – Did you change your mind, Paula? What happened? – He asked, his voice lower, but still in English, when he reached my side.
- Laurent invited me.
- And why did you accept his invitation and not mine?
- Because I want to go to the bar with him, not with you. – I just wanted Luís to stop forcing me to be so aggressive. I didn’t know how to talk to him anymore.
The most embarrassing thing is that, as he asked the question in English, I also answered in English. So everyone understood our conversation and we had another moment of awkward silence.
Luana and Jean were sitting next to me, but they seemed to be in a lovely private world. They talked so closely that it was impossible to understand what they said. On the bench across the coffee table, Louis was sitting at one end and Laurent at the other, both facing me. I wasn’t worried at all about hiding my interest in Laurent from Luis. The night before, I had already let go of any consideration and compassion towards the Portuguese.
As the radio played lively pop music, accompanied by music videos on the TV sets, colorful lights illuminated the bar’s empty tables. Beside us, the hostel’s stray-dog mascot Bob watched the drunken dance of a couple sitting at the counter talking to the waiters.
Luis looked at me with a mixture of indignation and despair and tried to convince Luana or me to dance with him, but neither of us was interested. Laurent just laughed and looked at me with some complicity, as if silently agreeing that Lois was getting in the way of our plans.
After two drinks, we decided to go back to the hostel bar, where we could drink for a lot less.
Everywhere was completely empty, including the pink bar in our hostel. So we grabbed a few cans of beer from the fridge and went to a seafront balcony where we chatted. By then Luana and Jean had kissed. Laurent sat in the chair right next to me, letting his arm purposefully touch mine. I didn’t back down and Luis noticed.
- Why him, Paula? – Luis asked in Portuguese, staring at me as if to hide from Laurent the subject of our conversation.
- Please, Luis, don’t start. – I said, looking for some horizon in the darkness before the porch.
- Why is he better than me? I wanna know. – he continued with a nervous mockery, without changing his tone of voice.
- Luis, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I have politely explained it to you, and I’ve been rude too. You just don’t accept that I want nothing to do with you. I do not owe you any explanation. Please, you’re just making things worse. – I pleaded.
- But I want to know why you favored him.” – Luis insisted.
- Enough! Enough! – I was already mad.
Luana could understand the whole conversation but she remained silent next to Jean. But Laurent threatened to get up.
- Okay, guys. Things are getting tense here and I don’t want to get involved. – he spoke in English with his French accent.
- No, Laurent, please stay. Luis is insisting on a subject that is already closed, but I’m sure he will stop now, right? – I turned my face to Luis, who had a nervous smile on his face.
We tried to stay there for a few more minutes, but Luis was really annoying, so I gave up waiting for him to leave us alone and went to my room. That night I cursed the exact minute I gave in to the pressure and let Luis kiss me. Just remembering that moment made my stomach turn.
56 – TWENTY ONE UNBEARABLE CENTIMETERS
One night after I had politely clarified things with Luís, I was sitting with Luana at one of the bar tables, talking trivia with other volunteers, when he came to my side and discreetly showed me some notes on his cell phone.
From that moment on, I abandoned any attempt at being friendly or even respectful towards Luis. The text on the device read “21 cm.”