I didn’t feel entitled to make any requests, having experienced so many happy and painful things that year. I just gave thanks for absolutely everything. Every goodbye, every desire, every hug, every little experience that has taught me and changed me in some way.
I cried with gratitude and went back to the beach.
89 – FIRST KISS OF THE YEAR
It was exactly 29 minutes since we were in 2019. I was trying to take a selfie in front of the bar where I was supposed to be working that night. I wanted to make a joke on the Internet about spending New Year’s Eve at work. When I positioned the phone, he was smiling behind the phone, looking at me in a way that nearly swallowed me. I refocused my eyes on the screen and he positioned himself beside me immediately.
- Hey, I didn’t invite you to the picture. – I gently pushed him away with the back of the hand holding the phone.
- Come on, it’s just a picture. – He raised my phone screen again. I found it funny and consented. Even in the camera image, his gaze was malicious. – Now send it to my WhatsApp.
- What’s the number? – I asked mockingly.
- Now give me the first kiss of the year. – He tugged my arm after I sent the photograph.
- No way, darling. I don’t wanna kiss anyone tonight.
- But the first kiss of the year is the most important one! – he argued, trying to hold me by the waist.
- And who says I want to give you the most important kiss of all? – I turned my face laughing.
- You are the most beautiful woman on this beach. I want my most important kiss to be with you – he insisted.
- I’m sorry. I have the flu and I don’t want to infect you – I warned him, walking back.
- I don’t care about getting the flu if I kiss you. – He pulled me again, this time with both hands on my waist. I got so close I could feel the strong wind swinging his burgundy shirt against my white dress.
Cristián was a tall Chilean, with shaved hair, thick eyebrows, and large honey-colored eyes. The well-designed mouth behind the close beard showed a broad and seductive smile. He was not strong, but he had a beautiful body and he smelled of a fresh shower.
He raised his big hands to the nape of my neck and conquered me. He kissed my mouth hard and longing but lost me within minutes of squeezing my body into his arms. I knew where he wanted to take that kiss. He wanted what all single travelers on Koh Phi Phi want: easy sex.
I took advantage of the confusion of tourists walking everywhere and disappeared into the crowd. For a few seconds, I regretted giving in to the kiss. Hadn’t I learned this lesson from Luis in Greece? Still unable to keep a no when a man insisted on kissing me? Soon I left self-condemnation aside to regain the energy of gratitude after praying by the sea. I had just finished the most amazing year of my life and nothing could get in the way of it.
The next day when I woke up. I laughed at Cristián’s message.
- Where are you, princess? I am waiting for you at the beach.
I didn’t answer and I didn’t go to work that night either.
90 – THE REJECTION TRIGGER
An extratropical storm had already wreaked havoc in Vietnam and Cambodia and was approaching across the Gulf of Thailand. Our friends in Koh Phangan were hurrying to leave the island. The cyclone was expected to arrive in Phuket in the next three or four days and all vessels would soon be suspended.
Between meeting the storm in Phuket and staying in Koh Phi Phi, I decided to stay where it seemed safer. It had been four nights since I’d been in the bar, and until navigation was back to normal, I decided to go back to work. In addition, I got a second paid job as a guide on a tourist boat on the main islands of the archipelago and in a few days would recover the money I didn’t make while I was in bed with a cold.
Before leaving for the bar that night, I got another message from Cristián:
- I didn’t see you yesterday.
- I didn’t go to work yesterday. I was recovering from the flu.
- Will I see you today? – he asked and was left unanswered.
I was already in the second bucket, dancing over the speakers when I saw him smiling and looking at me from the middle of the dance floor. I pretended not to see it and kept having fun. I was strangely happy to see him there looking for me, but I had already decided not to be with anyone until I left Koh Phi Phi. So I kept dancing on my own, at the top of the bar.
A few minutes later, he had his left arm around another girl’s neck, saying something in her ear. Something in my brain immediately triggered a rush of adrenaline into my blood. It was her, the rejection. I felt exchanged for someone else and it consumed my chest. “What the hell is that now?” I asked myself. I could just ignore that since so far that Chilean meant nothing to me.
It was stronger than me. Slightly drunk, I waved until he noticed me and pointed my fingers between my eyes and his, smiling. He laughed releasing the girl and came towards me.
- Get down from there and kiss me. – Cristián smiled with open arms. I shook my index finger and pointed to the other girl. When I finally got down, he laid the same left arm on my shoulders repeating exactly the same scene I had just witnessed.
- I’ve been looking for you for three days, princess – he said, trying to kiss me.
- Go back to your other girl – I said, stepping under his arm and walking on the other direction.
After four days of virtually no drinking, the buckets quickly took effect that night. I don’t remember exactly when I let him kiss me. At 2 am, when the music stopped, I grabbed my payday for the night and staggered out hugging him to the beach.
- Let’s go to my favela[20] – he said in English, using the word favela in Portuguese.
- Let’s go – I said with a kiss and a drunken smile.
91 – NOS QUEDAMOS LOCOS[21]
“Tell Cristián that the last boat leaves at 10am and I already bought the tickets.” – It was 9:40 am and the message from Diogo, his brother, tore the floor under the single bed in my room. That would be the last ferry from Koh Phi Phi before the oncoming cyclone. He was going to Vietnam the next day on a flight leaving Bangkok.
Pamela had not slept in the bedroom and we made love all night long. I can remember the temperature of his hands caressing my belly as he insanely kissed my belly button. My silver bracelet dangled from the iron headboard of the bed making a soft bell sound. Outside I could hear the pool waterfall and the birds chirping as they drifted from tree to tree at dawn.
- Fuck it, I’ll be with you one more day here at Koh Phi Phi, – Cristián said, looking deep into my eyes, before another hungry kiss.
- Boats will probably stop for the next two days because of the storm – I said as I reached for my cell phone under my pillow to check the calendar and think of a solution for us. I wish I had never reached the device. His brother’s message ruined our plans.
- Come with me to Vietnam! – he asked me as he dressed quickly.
- I don’t have a visa or a plane ticket. I don’t even have time to organize my things and pay for the room now – I said.
- I want to see you again – he told me after a long, intense kiss by the pool.
- Me too – I said wrapped in the beach towel, not worrying about the guests who were already sunbathing in the pool.
When Cristián disappeared, my heart seemed to shrink at a fast pace. I felt that it would disappear within my chest at any moment.
20
Favelas is the word used to characterize habitational areas similar to slums and shantytowns.