A captivating Mineiro[7] who had just got divorced but spoke of his ex-wife with love and gratitude.
Arraial d’Ajuda was so good that I only came back to Trancoso on Tuesday. I left with the promise to come back to Caraiva with Dani on the following weekend.
7 – BLUE FULL MOON
“We’re getting the van in Arraial d’Ajuda, but the driver won’t get in Trancoso. I already agreed that he’ll stop at the road clover to wait for you. You have 30 minutes to get there.”
It was Thursday, the eve of Good Friday holiday, and Dani didn’t even give me room to think. I grabbed a bikini, three dresses, and a sarong, stuffed it into my backpack with my toothbrush and sunscreen and ran off to get a moto-taxi.
When I arrived in Caraiva again, I felt my chest speed up. That sense of anguish still insisted on following me, but I decided to accept the discomfort and throw myself into building the woman I wanted to be. There was still a lot of work to be done.
The forró of Ouriço was crowded on Good Friday because of Mariana Aydar’s holiday show. I took advantage of the generous offer of dancers and danced with over ten people. With some, I danced twice, I danced with my new friends and exchanged kisses with a charming resident who was celebrating his birthday. As he was a little drunk, he seemed to be the most romantic man on earth.
I was following the flow of Caraiva’s energy and didn’t even notice that anxiety had given me a break. I had a few glasses of Neptune, dropped out my forró partner, and ended the night with a new group of friends. When the sun came up, I was laughing and dancing funk on the porch of a group of overjoyed Mineiro friends. For a few seconds, I focused on that sense of freedom. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so free.
Later, walking along the river, after recovering from a hangover with a sea bath, I met the Mineiros again and boarded a boat with them. We were going to celebrate the birthday of my favorite dance partner from the night before. The romantic one.
We started flirting again and I watched myself experience that fragment of happiness. Everything could change with the sunrise, but at that moment I was happy.
Night fell, the blue full moon exploded in the sky and I was sure I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
On Easter Sunday, I once again joined the group of new friends for a barbecue and spent the day enjoying the warmth and the swing of the hammock.
I only came back to Trancoso on Monday and I couldn’t be more grateful for giving me the chance to reinvent myself and for the effort I was making to be happy again.
8 – THANK YOU VERY MUCH
I had already bought a ticket to Toronto and it was my last day in Trancoso. I remembered the sadness that overwhelmed me when I arrived there 45 days earlier, and I couldn’t believe that I had been able to change my mental and emotional state in such a short period of time.
As I picked up my gratitude journal before going to the beach that morning, I realized how much this exercise in looking at the good aspects of my life had made a difference. Unknowingly, I had trained my brain to focus on the positive side of things.
I didn’t have a home anymore, but I slept under a roof of one of the most paradisiacal beaches in the country. I had no job, but I gained the freedom to choose a job that would make me happy. I could see something good in every situation and that was unthinkable to that Paula I had once been.
I gave many thanks that morning since my last nights in Trancoso had been truly special.
Clarice, a friend from Curitiba, had booked a B&B to spend the holidays with me, but she had to cancel the plans at the last minute because of her work. Still, she made sure not to cancel the reservation and insisted that I enjoy the stay.
When I came back from Caraiva, I spent my last two nights in a very nice little house, with a very comfortable double bed and a bathroom just for me. There was also a living room, a kitchen, and a huge balcony, surrounded by nature. There was no more room for gratitude in my journal.
My last day in Trancoso dawned bluer than ever. I meditated in my room, ate breakfast, and cycled to the beach. With my journal in hand, I felt tender energy slowly invading me.
I sat on the sand, put on an animated playlist and started writing a new love letter. I was bursting with joy. I looked at everything I had experienced in the last few weeks and felt only love and pride.
Trancoso, 04/04/2018
Hi.
I am very happy for all that we’ve lived here in Bahia. Thank you so much for being so strong, for taking care of yourself, for respecting yourself, for allowing yourself, and for loving yourself.
Thank you for understanding your true pain, for letting your old yourself die and for wanting to be born again so beautifully.
The universe is putting beautiful moments in our path. We will grow together for as long as this journey lasts.
Enjoy the ride, my love. You are amazing and I love you.
After reading my own letter, I dove into the sea and was overwhelmed with a feeling of utter happiness. I cried a lot, but now it was pure joy. I felt for the first time that I was completely connected to the ocean, the sand under my feet, the endless sky my eyes saw, and the gentle wind that shook the coconut palms on the beach. It was inexplicable.
I threw myself into the waves like a child. I threw water up and wept. To anyone looking at the beach, I looked like a madwoman, smiling and dancing in the sea.
I imagined myself arriving in Toronto. I imagined myself flying to Europe across the Atlantic Ocean and back to South America across the Pacific. I didn’t know it yet, but it was at that moment that I designed my trip around the world, all I had to do was to take the first step.
I spent the afternoon packing my bags and enjoying the solitude of my luxury bungalow.
To complete the gifts from Bahia, Beto, whom I had called Michel and Pablo in Arraial d’Ajuda, took the road to Trancoso at 10 pm, just to say goodbye to me. He arrived on a motorcycle with his guitar on his back and met me in front of the little Quadrado’s[8] church.
I climbed his motorbike, we bought a bottle of white wine and a bag of ice and walked through the sand of Coqueiros Beach. The full moon illuminated the sea while I danced happily with my feet in the sand. In the darkness, the moon shone on the water and on Beto’s black eyes. His smile was even more captivating. I told him my desire to go around the world and he encouraged me. We laughed together and he, with his beginner pitch, sang several songs for me. To top it off, I could still invite him to spend the night with me in the super-comfortable bungalow my friend gave me for the weekend.
I couldn’t have had a more perfect and beautiful last night.
Beto and I talked a few times during my trip and became good friends. His name, of course, is in my gratitude journal.
9 – THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
I went back to my mother’s house wanting to share with her everything that had changed inside me in Bahia. I thought she would be happy to see that I was no longer suffering, like the day I left for Rio. But the conversation was completely different from what I was expecting.
- Have you decided what you’re going to do with the dog? – she asked at the kitchen table while I ate.
Our labrador, Max, stayed with me after the divorce. Felipe said he would share an apartment in Belem with a friend who already had a pet. Besides, taking a labrador to an apartment was not the best idea. During my stay in Bahia, the dog stayed at my mother’s house, but this was temporary and she was already bothered.