"But then something started killing whales. Killing them in alarming numbers. And it was something from the surface world. It wasn't something the Goo could find out about from its ocean-borne nervous system, so that's when I think it created the whale ships, or a version of them. Late seventeen or early eighteen hundreds, I'd guess. Then, I think when it had somehow gotten back enough samples of human DNA, it made the whaley boys. To stay camouflaged but to watch, to bring people back here so it could learn, watch us. I may have been the final link that started the war."
"What war? There's a war?" Nate had a quick vision of the paranoid megalomaniacs that the Colonel said he'd considered for pseudonyms, Captain Nemo and Colonel Kurtz, both complete bedbugs.
"The war between memes and genes. Between an organism that specializes in the replication of gene machines — the Goo — and one that specializes in the replication of meme machines — us, human beings. I brought electrical and computer technology here. I brought the Goo the theoretical knowledge of memes and genes and how they work. Where the Goo is now and where it was before I came is the difference between being able to drive one and being able to build a car from lumps of raw steel. It's realizing the threat. It's going to figure it out."
Ryder looked at Nate expectantly. Nate looked at him as if he wasn't getting the point. When he'd studied under Ryder, the man had been so cogent, so clear. Grumpy, but clear. "Okay," Nate said slowly, hoping Ryder would jump in, "so you need me to… uh…?"
"Help me figure out a way to kill it."
"Didn't see that coming."
"We're at war with the Goo, and we have to find a way to kill it before it knows what's happening."
"Then don't you think you should keep your voice down?"
"No, it doesn't communicate that way." The Colonel looked perturbed at Nate's comment.
"So you want me to figure out how to kill your god?
"Yes, before it wipes out the human race in one fell swoop."
"Which would be bad."
"And we have to kill it without killing everyone in Gooville."
"Oh, we can do that," Nate said, completely confident, the way he'd seen hostage negotiators in cop movies tell the bank robbers that their demands were being met and the helicopter was on the way. "But I'm going to need some time."
The strangest thing was, as Nate left the Colonel's chamber after being in direct contact with the Goo for only a few minutes, his hangover was completely gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Could Be Worse,
Could Be Dog Years
"Evidently," said Nate, "where we screwed up was killing the whales."
"No way," said Amy.
"We tipped our hand."
"About being meme machines, right?"
"Yeah. Are you sure you're not spying for him?"
"Nope. Know how you can tell? When I was spying, did I ever touch you here?"
"No. No, you did not."
"And did I ever let you touch me here?" She moved his hand for him.
"No, you did not. Especially not in public."
"Yeah, we should probably go back to your place."
She had called him on his buzzy, bug-winged speaky thing, about which he made a mental note to ask what the name of it was at his first convenience. They'd met for coffee at a Gooville café that catered to whaley boys. She'd assured him that no one would notice them, and, strangely enough, the whaley boys had completely ignored them. Maybe he was no longer news.
"If they say anything, I'll just tell them that we're having sex," Amy said.
"But you said you didn't think I should tell the Colonel I'd seen you."
"Yeah, but that was before he let you in on his secret plan."
"Right."
"Although I'm a little ashamed of how old you are. We should talk about that."
"So should I move my hand?"
"Yeah, down and a little to the right."
"Let's head back to my place."
Back at his apartment, standing in the kitchen, he said, "Hey, what do you call this thing?" He pointed to that thing.
"The phone."
"No kidding?" He nodded as if he'd known that all along. "So where were we?"
"Killing whales was where we went wrong?"
"Yes."
"Or how old you are?"
"So," he continued, "killing whales was a big mistake."
"Which you knew, because that's what made you want to become a nerd in the first place."
"No, that's not right."
" 'Scuse me, action nerd."
"You want to know how I got into this field, really?"
"No. I mean, sure. You can tell me about the destruction of the human race later."
"You have to promise you won't laugh."
"Of course." She looked incredibly sincere.
"My sophomore year at the University of Sasketchewan in the Sticks —»
"You're kidding."
"It's a good school. You promised you wouldn't laugh."
"Oh, you meant even this early in the story I'm not supposed to laugh? Sorry."
"I mean, I'm sure it doesn't measure up to Gooville Community College —»
"Not fair."
"Home of the Gooville Fighting Loogies —»
"Okay, you made your point."
"Thank you. So a friend and I decided that we're going to go to break out of our boring small-college lives, we were going to take some risks, we were going to —»
"Talk to a girl?"
"No. We decided to drive all the way to Florida for spring break just like American kids, where we would then drink beer, get sunburned, and then talk to a girl — girls."
"So you went."
"Took almost a week to get there, but yes, we drove in his dad's Vista Cruiser station wagon. And I did indeed meet a girl. In Fort Lauderdale. A girl from Fort Lauderdale. And I talked to her."
"You dirty little tramp. Like, 'How's it going, eh? »
"Among other things. We conversed. And so she invited me to go see a manatee."
"He shoots! He scores!"
"But I thought it was an American way of saying matinee. I thought we were going to a movie. You know, you don't think about those things as being real."
"But it was."
"She did volunteer work for a rescue hospital for injured marine mammals, mostly manatees that had been hit by boats. They had a bottlenose dolphin, too. We stayed there for hours, caring for the animals, her teaching me about them. I was hooked. I hadn't even picked my undergrad major, but as soon as I got back to school, I went for biology, and I've been studying marine mammals ever since."
"Oh, my God, you didn't get laid, did you?"
"I found a passion for life. I found something that drives me."
"I can't believe I fell for such a pathetic loser."
"Hey, I'm pretty good at this whale stuff. I'm respected in my field."
"But you're dead."
"Yeah, before then, I mean. Hey, did you say that you fell for me?"
"I said I fell for a pathetic loser, if the shoe fits…"
He kissed her. She kissed him back. That went on for a while. They both found it excellent. Then they stopped.
"You said you wanted to talk about our age difference," Nate said, because he always picked women who broke his heart, and, figuring that his heart was now into this whole thing far enough to be broken, he wanted to get on with it.
"Yeah, we probably should. Maybe we should sit down."