A shuddering sob raked through her body. She wished that she had been able to hold it in, but it burst out of her unbidden.
She felt his eyes on her like she was back in her dream. While watching her, he was likely worried as he wondered why she was weeping in the middle of the living room when she had been fast asleep only a few minutes earlier.
Devon had thought the nightmares were gone. She had thought the dreams were in the past and that she had moved on. It had been weeks since she’d had one, and then this…
It was so close to reality. It was like her nightmares were getting closer and closer to the truth. The dream had felt so real. She remembered the feeling of exhaustion, the pride in a job well done, and wondering where Brennan was. But Brennan had walked her home earlier tonight, just like he had every night since she had started working there, since her mental breakdown on the street.
The words rang in her ears over and over again. “You thought you were safe, but you’ll never be safe.”
They were painful words that breached her subconscious on a regular basis. Who was she to think that she was safe? How could she believe that everything she had run from would just be back to normal when she returned?
Sitting up, Devon bent her legs up to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees. She couldn’t open her eyes and face Garrett. She didn’t know what he was thinking. He probably just thought she was a nutcase. She had told him that she was sleeping better, and now, here was proof that she wasn’t.
She heard the chair creak, and then footsteps crossed the carpet. The weight behind her shifted as Garrett sat down on the couch. He softly stroked her back a few times, and she cried harder at the comforting touch. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. Nothing he could say would help. Nothing he could say would be better than the soft embrace as he pulled her into his arms. Devon leaned into his chest and let her tears stain the neck of his polo shirt. He rested one hand on the back of her head as he held her in place, letting the pain rush through her. At times, he would rock her back and forth while stroking her hair. Other times, he would place his chin on the top of her head and just hold her.
When it felt like all her tears were gone, Devon pulled back, and Garrett released her. Finally opening her eyes, she looked up at him and saw the worry on his face. It was far deeper than she had even anticipated. How could he even look at her? She was an ugly crier and probably looked red and splotchy with a swollen face and tear-battered cheeks.
“Are you all out of tears now?” he said, his thumbs wiping the streaks of tears from under her eyes.
As he asked the question, more tears welled in her eyes as she blinked up at him through her blurred vision.
“Hey now, it’s going to be alright.”
Devon shook her head and looked away from him. She couldn’t face him. She couldn’t bear for him to look at her like this. He was the only piece of sanity that she had been able to grasp on to recently. Hadley was so distant. Devon hadn’t been able to reach out to her at all. Even though she had still been physically present, she was no longer mentally there. Brennan was a dangerous circumstance to consider. He watched her too intensely, and she was sure that he hadn’t forgotten their kiss. He kept his distance because he knew about Reid. But for how long? Garrett had been her rock, her only sense of normalcy.
“I thought you said you were sleeping better,” he said accusingly.
Devon swallowed hard, trying to find her voice. After that terrible nightmare, she wasn’t sure she could even think straight. “I thought I was, too,” she said, her voice hoarse.
“You’re back to crying when you wake up. Next, you’ll be screaming again. What changed?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Staring down at the white carpet, she tried not to think about it.
“Do you remember the dream? Can you tell me about it?” he asked cautiously.
She wanted to shut down. She didn’t want to discuss her dreams with anyone. She didn’t even want to think about them. But here Garrett was, comforting her and helping her. It felt like no one else even cared. Even though she hadn’t told other people, he was here, and he was so damn nice. Maybe she could trust him. Maybe…
Devon slowly nodded her head. “I…I remember,” she said softly.
“Will you tell me about it?” he repeated.
The silence that lingered between them was thick with tension. He was waiting for her to answer, and she was determined not to. What could she say to make him understand? She couldn’t tell him everything. She couldn’t tell him what had really happened. How would he react? What would he do?
“You don’t have to tell me,” Garrett said finally, staring down at the same space of carpet. “I understand if it’s personal. I just want to help you. Maybe talking about it will make the dreams stop.”
Devon hadn’t thought of that. She didn’t think the dreams would ever stop. They had stopped for the longest stretch of time recently, and still, they had returned with a vengeance.
Garrett sighed softly as if he thought he had lost. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine,” he said, beginning to rise.
Devon reached out and touched his arm. “Don’t go,” she whispered.
His eyes met hers then, and she was sure that all he saw was a hollow shell looking back at him. She felt pitiful and worthless. She just needed someone to believe in her.
He nodded and sat back down. “Are you going to tell me about the dream?”
“I’ve never talked about it before,” she answered finally. “Not really.”
“Well, I’m all ears. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to me.”
Taking a deep breath, Devon began. She told him what she had been experiencing in her dreams—how the person would always chase her and how the landscape would alter but it would always be the same person. She didn’t know how she knew that it had been the same person each time, but she just did. She told him about the fear that had gripped her, the inevitable end when she had been caught, and more recently, the times she had been thrown down on the snowy white bed in the matching white room. But she didn’t tell him the words the person had spoken. She wasn’t prepared to release that much of herself.
Garrett listened intently the whole time as if he was trying to really soak up what she had experienced. The longer she talked, the more invested he seemed to become in her story. He never laughed or made light of her dream even though at times when she was telling the story, it didn’t actually seem as scary as it had been in her sleep.
As the story came to a close, she ended in a huff and just sat there in front of him with her fears laid out in his lap. She didn’t know how he would respond or what he would say. She felt exposed and more than a little bit silly.
“That sounds scary, Dev,” he finally said. “No wonder you wake up in tears.”
His eyes were filled with sympathy, and she suddenly didn’t feel as silly. His acceptance was invigorating. She felt justified in her fear rather than feeling childish.
“Why do you think you keep having these dreams? Do you have any idea?” he asked, taking her very seriously.
Another crossroad. How much could she tell him? Not the truth, not all of it. Maybe just a piece. Definitely not the root cause. She wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready for that. She had to tell him something though.
“I have my suspicions,” she said softly.
“Any you would like to share with me?”
Devon sighed heavily. Here goes nothing, she thought.
“I, um…can only guess. They’re not reality. I mean, I’ve never had anyone chase me,” she told him.