It took everything she had to return to her tables and act like nothing was wrong. She had never worked so hard in her life. She was trying so desperately not to look at Brennan and Reid that she worked twice as hard as normal. She needed to keep her mind busy, and that was the only way she knew how.
Devon didn’t know what she was going to do when her shift ended. She had been running for so long that she had completely pushed away thoughts of when she would have to face her life again. Now, it was here, sitting right in front of her.
The after-hours crowd started filling the room, which made the distraction a bit easier. She still had a hard time looking over to see Reid sitting at the bar, but at least, Brennan was busy enough that he didn’t have to talk to Reid. She didn’t want them to ever have to talk.
When Hannah and another waitress walked in to take over for Amy and her, Devon thought she might break down into tears. She couldn’t leave. Jenn’s was a sanctuary, and her demons were waiting for her outside the door…or even worse, at the bar, drinking with Brennan. She knew that Reid wouldn’t do anything in public. He was too self-controlled for that. It was the only reason he had gotten away with everything for this long. She hadn’t ratted him out, and no one would guess that perfect Reid would ever do something like hurt his perfect girlfriend.
She wanted to believe that their time apart had showed him how much he had missed her and how wrong his actions had been. She wanted him to see her for the woman he had fallen in love with. She wanted him to apologize and beg her to come back.
But those were fairy-tale dreams. When he had walked in, the look Reid had given her had been enough to show her that none of those things would be her reality. This was Reid after all. He could never be wrong…ever.
“Hey, Devon,” Hannah said, walking up to her.
“Hey, Hannah.”
“I wish I had the mid-shift this week,” she said with a sigh. “But I’m stuck working late. What are you doing tonight?”
Devon stared at her blankly. Hannah never made polite conversation with her.
“Um…nothing.”
“Sounds riveting,” Hannah said, straight-faced.
That’s more like it, she thought.
“Well, have a good time,” Devon said, untying her apron. “I’m out of here.”
“Lucky,” Hannah said under her breath.
If only she knew…
Devon bit her lip and stole a glance at the bar. Both Reid and Brennan were looking directly at her. She averted her eyes as quickly as she could and hurried through the swinging door into the kitchen. Her heart was pounding as she walked stiffly into the break room.
Only a couple hours ago, she had sat here with Brennan while he played with her hair. Before that, they had been kissing, and he had her backed up against the lockers. Could everything that had happened since then be real?
She grabbed her purse and slung it over her head, letting the strap cross her body. She leaned forward against her locker and tried some breathing exercises to calm her racing heart. Tears sprang to her eyes, and her hands swatted them away. They wouldn’t help her now. She just needed to be strong.
The door opened behind her, and she hoped it was Amy.
“Belle, you okay?” Brennan asked.
No luck.
She straightened immediately. “I’m fine,” she said, the words sounding hollow. Why did that word sound so horrible when she said it?
“Fine. Alright. Are you ready to head out then? Kami just walked in to take my spot,” he said, walking across the room.
He knew something was different. She could tell by the set of his shoulders. He was waiting for it. She didn’t think he knew what it was, but he knew to get ready. He was preparing himself for whatever was to come.
“Brennan,” she said softly. God, she hated herself.
“So…you’re not fine.”
“I…I don’t know,” she said with a shrug.
His hand reached out to touch her, but it fell halfway through, like he thought better of it.
“Does this have something to do with that guy out there?”
“What guy?” she said, barely audible.
He looked at her pointedly.
“Yeah, it does.”
“I figured as much.”
“I wasn’t expecting him to show up here,” Devon told him. She wondered if he could tell how scared she was or if her fake bravery was enough to sway him away.
“Who is he?” He crossed his arms, already closing himself off.
“That’s my boyfriend.”
Brennan raised his eyebrows. “Boyfriend?”
Devon closed her eyes and shook her head twice. “Ex-boyfriend. Sorry.”
“If he’s your ex, what is he doing here?” Brennan asked cautiously.
“I’m not sure exactly. We broke up on rocky terms. I think he wants to talk to me,” Devon said, looking away from him. This wasn’t going to be easy.
“Sounds like trouble,” Brennan said. “Devon, look at me.”
She obliged, trying not to see the hurt in his face.
“You don’t have to talk to him. I know it might seem like you have to, but you said it was over. And you’re over him, right?”
He waited for the answer that should have been immediate on her tongue. It was more complicated than whether or not she was over Reid, but she couldn’t tell Brennan that without putting him in danger. She cared about Brennan too much to let that happen.
“We didn’t break up face-to-face. I think I should at least talk to him,” she said softly.
His eyes shut, and he breathed heavily through his nose, like he was holding himself back. She hated herself. She hated herself so much. She never wanted to cause him any pain. She never wanted to see his beautiful face look at her any other way than as lovingly as he had on the boat yesterday. She would never forgive herself, but at least, he would be safe. She needed to keep reminding herself of that.
Brennan opened his eyes and stared so intensely into her own that she blushed and looked away. He grabbed both of her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
“Devon, please,” he said, making her look at him. “I can already see it happening. Don’t let the life drain out of you again. I can see you retreating. I need you, and I think you need me, too. Please just stay here, stay in the present, in the future. Stay with me.”
“Brennan,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes this time.
“No, Devon, no tears,” he said, wiping them away from her eyes. “You’re too beautiful for that.”
She laughed through her tears and sniffled.
“There’s that smile, that beautiful smile. I want to keep making you smile, but I can’t if you walk out of this place. We pulled each other out of the water once, Devon. I can’t bear to see you sink any deeper. Please, please stay with me. Just stay with me,” he pleaded.
Devon closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. The tears were coming harder, and they weren’t helping anything. She wanted to stay so badly. She wanted to run away with Brennan and continue to forget all her problems. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t keep running. She needed to do what was right even if it wasn’t what she wanted.
“I can’t,” she said, sinking into herself as she forced out the words. “I have to go.”
She pushed the tears out of her eyes and brushed past him toward the exit. She had already been in here too long. Reid would notice, and she didn’t want him to associate Brennan with her.
“Devon,” he said, grabbing her wrist in his hand before she could go, “you’re making a big mistake.”
She swallowed back her tears. “I have to go,” she repeated, pulling her wrist free.
Before Brennan could say another word, she rushed out of the break room and into the kitchen. Pushing her hands up into her hair, Devon doubled over like she had just been punched in the stomach. No. This was worse.