“Starling?” His query reined me back from my musings on the boy.
It was hard to admit it. “She’s married now. I don’t know how long. The boy found it out when he went to Springfest at Buckkeep with her. He came home and told me.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I had to end it between us. She knew I would when I found out. It still made her angry. She couldn’t understand why it couldn’t continue, as long as her husband never found out.”
“That’s Starling.” His voice was oddly nonjudgmental, as if he commiserated with me over a garden blight. He turned in the chair to look at me over his shoulder. “And you’re all right?”
I cleared my throat. “I’ve kept busy. And not thought about it much.”
“Because she felt no shame at all, you think it must all belong to you. People like her are so adept at passing on blame. This is a lovely red ink on this. Where did you get it?”
“I made it.”
“Did you?” Curious as a child, he unstopped one of the ink bottles on my desk and stuck in his little finger. It came out tipped in scarlet. He regarded it for a moment. “I kept Burrich’s earring,” he suddenly admitted. “I never took it to Molly.”
“I see that. I’m just as glad you didn’t. It’s better that neither of them know I survived.”
“Ah. Another question answered.” He drew a snowy kerchief from inside his pocket and ruined it by wiping the red ink from his finger. “So. Are you going to tell me all the events in order, or must I pry bits out of you one at a time?”
I sighed. I dreaded recalling those times. Chade had been willing to accept an account of the events that related to the Farseer reign. The Fool would want more than that. Even as I cringed from it, I could not evade the notion that somehow I owed him that telling. “I’ll try. But I’m tired, and we’ve had too much brandy, and it’s far too much to tell in one evening.”
He tipped back in my chair. “Were you expecting me to leave tomorrow?”
“I thought you might.” I watched his face as I added, “I didn’t hope it.”
He accepted me at my word. “That’s good, then, for you would have hoped in vain. To bed with you, Fitz. I’ll take the boy’s cot. Tomorrow is soon enough to begin to fill in nearly fifteen years of absence.”
The Fool’s apricot brandy was more potent than the Sandsedge, or perhaps I was simply wearier than usual. I staggered to my room, dragged off my shirt, and dropped into my bed. I lay there, the room rocking gently around me, and listened to his light footfalls as he moved about in the main room, extinguishing candles and pulling in the latchstring. Perhaps only I could have seen the slight unsteadiness in his movements. Then he sat down in my chair and stretched his legs toward the fire. At his feet, the wolf groaned and shifted in his sleep. I touched minds gently with Nighteyes; he was deeply asleep and welling contentment.
I closed my eyes, but the room spun sickeningly. I opened them a crack and stared at the Fool. He sat very still as he stared into the fire, but the dancing light of the flames lent their motion to his features. The angles of his face were hidden and then revealed as the shadows shifted. The gold of his skin and eyes seemed a trick of the firelight, but I knew they were not.
It was hard to realize he was no longer the impish jester who had both served and protected King Shrewd for all those years. His body had not changed, save in coloring. His graceful, long-fingered hands dangled off the arms of the chair. His hair, once as pale and airy as dandelion fluff, was now bound back from his face and confined to a golden queue. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair. Firelight bronzed his aristocratic profile. His present grand clothes might recall his old winter motley of black and white, but I wagered he would never again wear bells and ribbons and carry a rat-headed scepter. His lively wit and sharp tongue no longer influenced the course of political events. His life was his own now. I tried to imagine him as a wealthy man, able to travel and live as he pleased. A sudden thought jolted me from my complacency.
“Fool?” I called aloud in the darkened room.
“What?” He did not open his eyes but his ready reply showed he had not yet slipped toward sleep.
“You are not the Fool anymore. What do they call you these days?”
A slow smile curved his lips in profile. “What does who call me when?”
He spoke in the baiting tone of the jester he had been. If I tried to sort out that question, he would tumble me in verbal acrobatics until I gave up hoping for an answer. I refused to be drawn into his game. I rephrased my question. “I should not call you Fool anymore. What do you want me to call you?”
“Ah, what do I want you to call me now? I see. An entirely different question.” Mockery made music in his voice.
I drew a breath and made my question as plain as possible. “What is your name, your real name?”
“Ah.” His manner was suddenly grave. He took a slow breath. “My name. As in what my mother called me at my birth?”
“Yes.” And then I held my breath. He spoke seldom of his childhood. I suddenly realized the immensity of what I had asked him. It was the old naming magic: if I know how you are truly named, I have power over you. If I tell you my name, I grant you that power. Like all direct questions I had ever asked the Fool, I both dreaded and longed for the answer.
“And if I tell you, you would call me by that name?” His inflection told me to weigh my answer.
That gave me pause. His name was his, and not for me to bandy about. But, “In private, only. And only if you wished me to,” I offered solemnly. I considered the words as binding as a vow.
“Ah.” He turned to face me. His face lit with delight. “Oh, but I would,” he assured me.
“Then?” I asked again. I was suddenly uneasy, certain that somehow he had bested me yet again.
“The name my mother gave me, I give now to you, to call me by in private.” He took a breath and turned back to the fire. He closed his eyes again but his grin grew even wider. “Beloved. She called me only ‘Beloved.’”
“Fool!” I protested.
He laughed, a deep rich chuckle of pure enjoyment, completely pleased with himself. “She did,” he insisted.
“Fool, I’m serious.” The room had begun to revolve slowly around me. If I did not go to sleep soon, I would be sick.
“And you think I am not?” He gave a theatrical sigh. “Well, if you cannot call me ‘Beloved’, then I suppose you should continue to call me ‘Fool’. For I am ever the Fool to your Fitz.”
“Tom Badgerlock.”
“What?”
“I am Tom Badgerlock now. It is how I am known.”
He was silent for a time. Then, “Not by me,” he replied decisively. “If you insist we must both take different names now, then I shall call you ‘Beloved’. And whenever I call you that, you may call me ‘Fool’.” He opened his eyes and rolled his head to look at me. He simpered a lovesick smile, then heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Good night, Beloved. We have been apart far too long.”
I capitulated. Conversation was hopeless when he got into these moods. “Good night, Fool.” I rolled over in my bed and closed my eyes. If he made any response, I was asleep before he uttered it.
Chapter VI
The Quiet Years
I was born a bastard. The first six years of my life, I spent in the Mountain Kingdom with my mother. I have no clear recollections of that time. At six, my grandfather took me to the fort at Moonseye, and there turned me over to my paternal uncle, Verity Farseer. The revelation of my existence was the personal and political failure that led my father to renounce his claim to the Farseer throne and retire completely from court life. My care was initially given over to Burrich, the Stablemaster at Buckkeep. Later, King Shrewd saw fit to claim my loyalty, and apprentice me to his court assassin. With the death of Shrewd, by the treachery of his youngest son, Regal, my loyalty passed to King Verity. Him I followed and served until the time I witnessed him pour his life and essence into a dragon of carved stone. Thus was Verity as Dragon animated, and thus were the Six Duchies saved from the depredations of the Red Ship Raiders of the Out Islands, for Verity as Dragon led the ancient Elderling dragons as they cleansed the Six Duchies of the invaders. Following that service to my King, injured in both body and spirit, withdrew from court and society for fifteen years. I believed I would never return.