‘What the bloody hell do you think you were up to?’ he stormed.
I tried to calm him, but my heart was in my mouth. I was shivering too, which wasn’t surprising as my jeans were now soaked to the knees and my trainers were sodden. Robin’s own feet and legs were also wet through, but he didn’t seem even to have noticed, and he certainly hadn’t been interested in keeping me dry.
‘Robin, I just wanted to go back to the place, I can’t explain why exactly...’
‘Can’t you? What did you think you were going to find out there for God’s sake?’
‘Well, nothing, nothing of course. I just wanted to go back there, conquer my fears, maybe...’
‘Rubbish!’ he snarled. And he stepped forward, eyes blazing, his arms hanging loose by his sides. For a terrible moment I thought he was going to hit me. He didn’t, of course. It wasn’t in his nature or his breeding to hit a woman, but I doubted he had ever been much closer. ‘Don’t you know how I feel about that damn rock?’ he continued. ‘The one good thing about leasing Abri is that I won’t have to see the bloody thing every day of my working life. How could you go out there like that?’
‘Robin, I’m so sorry,’ I said. And I was. This was our first row and I wasn’t enjoying it. I was used only to tenderness from him, understanding, and, of course, passion. I couldn’t bear him to be ranting and raving at me like that. Julia always maintained that the first row in a relationship was even more important than the first sex. That was when you really began to learn the truth about a lover, she said.
He backed away, shoulders slumped, not shouting at me any more. It was as if the storm had blown itself wearily out.
I could see the familiar pain in his eyes, only thinly masked by his anger, and was ashamed of myself for what I had done. Indeed, what had I thought I was going to find on the Pencil? And why had I had the need to go there again. I really had to put the past behind me. I was going to marry this man. I loved him, and love calls for total trust.
Suddenly all I wanted to do was to comfort him, to reassure him — and to reassure myself too, I suppose.
I went to him, my feet squelching on the shingles, and wrapped my arms around him. ‘I love you so much,’ I whispered. ‘We mustn’t fight. Wouldn’t you rather make love? Let’s go back, shall we?’
I suppose it was a pretty crass approach. It was just that our lovemaking was always so good, and I thought, if I thought at all, that it was the one thing sure to put things right between us.
I felt Robin stiffen, and he pushed me quite violently away.
‘I do have a heart and a brain as well as a cock you know,’ he said. He was no longer shouting. His voice was very cold.
I flinched from him. I could feel the colour rising in my cheeks. I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears.
He watched me for a moment. Then his face began to soften. As suddenly as the mood had come over him it went away.
This time he came to me and reached out for me. I couldn’t stop myself crying then. He wiped my tears with the back of one hand and the words of apology poured from him.
‘I never want to hurt you, Rose, never,’ he whispered fervently. ‘I was just so afraid of losing you. I know it’s stupid, but when I realised you had gone to the Pencil, I was so frightened. I couldn’t bear any more tragedy, I really couldn’t.’
He began to kiss my eyes, licking the tears off my face. My love and desire for him overwhelmed me. In spite of his earlier words I could feel how much he wanted me again. He began to hold me so tightly that my breath came in short sharp gasps.
He walked me backwards up the beach until we were inside a small shallow cave in the cliff side which I had not even known was there. His face was no longer dark with anger but with desire. He pulled at my clothes and his own. I had stopped crying. My heart was soaring again. I lay down on the sandy floor of the cave and he lowered himself on top of me. I was still shivering with the cold and wet, but I knew he would warm me, make me glow. We remained half-clothed, yet somehow he contrived to be inside me almost at once. It was quick and vital and so very sweet. When we had finished we fell back from each other panting, and I found that I was smiling again.
‘Was that your brain in action then?’ I asked innocently.
‘Bitch!’ he said, but his voice was gentle and his eyes were dancing. He kissed me long and slow.
‘You are the love of my life,’ he said.
I felt the tears pricking again, but so differently from before.
Thirteen
The next morning, the day Robin finally handed Abri over to the Japanese, brought weather that was much more typical for January on the island. It was wet and windy, and the wind was so strong that it was blowing the rain almost horizontal.
I had taken an extra day off in order to be there with Robin, and although it had been the last thing I had wanted to do — I had known it wasn’t going to be much fun and more importantly I had troubles of my own professionally, the pressures at work seemed to be growing greater every day — I realised that he needed me there.
A few islanders turned up at the helicopter pad and they stood quietly in a huddle, as if trying to protect each other from the weather and goodness knows what else, as Robin tried not all that effectively to sparkle and radiate confidence. It was a sad day and everyone knew it. Robin more than anyone, if the truth be known.
‘I’m not really leaving Abri you know,’ he said rather unconvincingly. ‘I’ll be to and fro all the time, just like always.’
But it wouldn’t be just like always, and we all knew it. Robin would no longer be managing the island. He had handed over control completely. When he visited Highpoint it would be as a guest, no different to any other guest on the island. I wasn’t even sure how much time he was going to want to spend on Abri under those conditions.
Frank Tucker was conspicuous by his absence. Mrs Cotley, whom Robin was maintaining as his housekeeper to keep Highpoint running smoothly in his absence, was there; and for once her mood almost certainly matched the grimness of her appearance. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she would never allow herself to be seen to weep in public.
Robin gave her a big warm hug.
‘We’ll miss you, Mr Robin,’ she muttered, and as far as I was aware it was the only nice thing anybody said to him that day.
‘I keep telling you, I’ll be back all the time Mrs C,’ he responded.
‘You know what I mean,’ she said.
He did, of course. And so did I.
He proceeded to shake hands with everyone who had gathered there. His face was very pale in spite of his forced brightness. I understood absolutely that the worst thing for him was the knowledge that the people of Abri continued to think that he had deserted them in spite of all his efforts to convince them otherwise — and indeed, as I saw it, his genuine determination to ensure their futures as much as his own. Robin had not signed the island over to the highest bidder, I knew, but to the one he thought would be best for Abri.
We clambered aboard the chopper and there was none of the usual banter between Robin and pilot Eddie Brown, who, with his natural awareness and sensitivity, merely concentrated on his job.
Robin remained morosely silent throughout the flight back to Bristol, and barely bothered even to say goodbye to Eddie, who winked at me reassuringly when I glanced uneasily back at him over my shoulder as we walked away from the aircraft.
We were in the process of buying the Clifton house which Robin had told me about — I had loved it every bit as much as he had, which had somehow been predictable, although it was far grander than any place I had ever expected to become my home — but the sale had yet to be completed. For the time being we continued to live in my apartment, and with Robin now about to be there virtually full-time the place was not going to be nearly big enough. Fortunately Robin was confident that the deal on our new house would soon be finalised so that we could complete the work we wanted to do on the place in time for our April wedding, and, when we arrived back from Abri that day, I began to hope with particular fervour that would prove to be the case.