I scanned the crowd. ‘Okay-lah,’ I said. ‘Hands up all the people with the planted awkward questions designed to embarrass the guest and make the host look good. Come on,’ I laughed, ‘enter into the spirit of the occasion. Like Delia Smith said, let’s be having you.’
In the second row, an arm rose, tentatively; it was followed by two more, one in front, one at the back. ‘Okay, you three,’ I told them, ‘you’re clearly production assistants; you can piss off too.’ The rest of the audience were well into it now: they hooted with laughter. ‘Go on,’ I insisted, ‘I’m serious. You’re not real punters; you don’t belong there.’ Off-camera to the right, I saw a floor manager signalling to them to leave. I waited as they rose from their seats. ‘Don’t think about coming back during the commercials,’ I yelled after them. ‘Mr Cantona’s watching at the back, he’ll know who you are.’
I smiled at Marie in the front row, giving a nod of approval to her legs, which I’m sure she understood and appreciated. ‘What do you think of the show so far?’ I asked her.
‘Excellent, Oz,’ she replied; her voice had a lovely laughing lilt to it. ‘A big improvement on the usual format.’
‘Thanks, you’ve got the floor. Ask me a question if you like; a real one that the people of Singapore want to hear.’
‘I think we’d like to know what sort of a trip this is. Is it pleasure, is it business, or is it research? Are you planning to come back to make a movie here?’
‘Nice one. The honest answer is that I have no current plans to make a film here, although I’d like to, and I’d like to cast you in it.’ I looked into the live camera. ‘This is Miss Marie Lin, ladies and gentlemen, a very fine young Singaporean actress. Remember the name and the face.’ I looked back at her and saw another camera focus on her and go live. I let it linger for a while then carried on. ‘It’s a pleasure being here,’ I said, ‘but it’s business that brought me, something I have to do for a family member. I was trying to trace someone I thought might be here, but she may well be off the island by now.’ What I’d said had been entirely spontaneous, and I didn’t know how it came out, or why. Looking back, I think I was trying to put up some smoke for the bad guys on the off-chance that they had been watching Maddy and knew of our connection.
Then something else escaped from my mouth when I wasn’t looking. ‘Can I ask you a question now, Marie?’
‘Of course?’
‘Meet me for a drink in my hotel later on? About ten thirty? I’ve got a special pass to the New Asia.’
She smiled back at me. ‘Okay, but I prefer the City Space bar; it’s quieter.’
Fuck me! I’d made a date with a woman, on live television! Susie was going to kill me, twice.
I picked out another audience member: a bright-looking man in his twenties. He asked me what I thought about the possibility of a casino coming to Singapore.
‘Far be it from me,’ I replied carefully, ‘to become involved in local politics on a flying visit, but looking around at the prosperity here, I have to question whether you need it. If it’s allowed, will it stop at one? I doubt it.’ I tapped my T-shirt. ‘Much as I love Las Vegas, I reckon it belongs in the middle of a desert in the USA and nowhere else.’
That led to a lively informed discussion on the pros and cons, which went on until I saw the floor manager hold up a sign that read, ‘One minute to break.’ Mai Bong tried to cut back in, but I wasn’t having it. I’ve been stitched up by experts in my time; he was a rank amateur. The minute must have passed slowly for him, but eventually I did a wind-up, thanked the audience and shoved myself out of the silly seat. I extended my hand to Mai so that he couldn’t avoid shaking it, waved to the benches and walked off set, just as the floor manager signalled, ‘Cut to commercial break.’
As I headed for the exit and the limo, I stuck my head back into the green room. ‘Tell them you’re not going on,’ I advised Cantona, who’s put on a bit of weight since he quit playing, ‘unless they give you a proper chair. There’s no chance of you fitting into that one out there.’
24
I don’t know why the hell I did all that, but it felt good. I suppose it was my way of getting my own back for the nonsense that had been happening to me since I arrived in Singapore. Or maybe I did it to take my mind off the prospect of shelling out fifty thousand bucks to a blackmailing bitch when I could simply have waited for a couple of days in the likelihood that the bad people would take her out of Harvey’s hair, and out of everything else.
I was about to step into the stretch Honda when I heard a shout. ‘Hey, Oz.’
I turned and there was Sammy heading towards me. ‘Didn’t you fancy the Frenchman?’ I asked.
‘They didnae fancy me any more,’ he replied, with a satisfied smile. ‘The boy on the floor asked me tae leave. He said Ah’d upset Mr Mai. Ah’m barred for life, as well.’
‘You’ll be pleased with yourself, in that case. Being barred from places is a badge of honour for you Weegies. Won’t that get you into bother at work, though?’
He laughed. ‘Oz, pal, the money Ah make for that bank, nothing short of bein’ arrested for murder is going to get me intae bother.’ He tapped the roof of the limo; the driver frowned but said nothing. ‘Any chance of a lift?’
‘Sure, where do you want to go?’
‘Back tae your hotel will do fine. I can get a taxi from there. I’m going down to Harry’s bar.’
‘In the Esplanade complex?’ I’d noticed a pub sign that morning.
‘Naw, the one on Boat Quay. There’s a few Harrys now; one at the airport, even.’ I held the limo door open for him, then followed him inside. ‘Hey,’ he exclaimed, when he saw the booze compartment, ‘is that self-service? ’
‘It is now,’ I told him, taking a 7-Up, as he chose a Grolsch.
He nudged my elbow as we pulled out into the traffic. ‘Ah see you’ve got yourself fixed up for later on,’ he murmured, or came as close to murmuring as a Glaswegian can.
‘Don’t read anything into that,’ I warned him. ‘I met her this morning down at the theatre. She works there.’
‘Ah’m saying nothing, Oz.’
‘Keep it that way.’
‘Trust me. Wish it was me, though. A right tasty lass, she looked.’ He winked at me, then forgot his promise to say nothing. ‘You’re sure of yourself, trying there. If you crack her I’ll bet you’re the first. If that’s what bein’ a movie star gets you I wish Ah was one.’
He really was a cheeky bastard. ‘Actually, Sammy,’ I said, ‘I’m going exploring first. Ever heard of a pub called the Next Page?’
‘Oh, aye. There’s two of them, down near Robertson Quay, the Front Page and then the Next Page, side by side. The Next Page used to be a couple of doors up, but it moved and got smartened up. That was a while back.’
‘How long have you been here, Sammy?’ I asked. ‘In Sing, I mean.’
‘Eight years. Ah came out when Ah was twenty-one. There was nothing for me in Glasgow, except unemployment and maybe the jail.’
‘Do you still have folks there?’
‘My mother, my sister and two nephews.’
‘Do you ever see them?’
He took a pull of his beer. ‘Ah go home every couple of years. Ah could get a job there now, or in Edinburgh, but Ah like the life out here. Ah’m a resident now.’
I found myself wondering if there was a woman in his life, but I held myself back from asking. I didn’t want to get too involved in the background of a guy I’d probably never see again.