I’m writing something down or not. I assure you, I will dutifully record everything — there’s no telling what is important.
And I further assure you that my notes will be kept confidential. Do you understand all that?"
Afsan nodded.
Mokleb dipped her left middle fingerclaw into ink and started writing. "In our early sessions, I may do a lot of talking,
but as the therapy progresses I may go for great lengths without saying anything. Fear not: I am listening intently,
and if I have something to say, I will. You must adopt the same principle: if you have something to say, don’t worry
about manners. Interrupt me freely. Let no thought, however fleeting, escape. Understood?"
Again, Afsan nodded.
"Good. Now, to your dreams. As you may know, dreams serve one fundamental purpose: they prolong sleep."
"Mine certainly aren’t doing that," said Afsan. "It’s the dreams that are waking me up."
"It only seems that way. If it weren’t for dreams, we’d constantly be waking, perhaps thrashing over in our minds
something that had been worrying us the previous day, or else we’d awaken because we feel vulnerable and want to
look around and make sure we’re still safe. Dreams prevent this from happening, and, since sleep is necessary to life,
in a very real sense dreams allow us to go on living."
"But my dreams, Mokleb, are preventing me from getting a good night’s sleep."
"Ah, yes. So it appears. I’ll come back to that. First, though, let me ask if you’ve ever had a dream that went
something like this: you are trying to get somewhere or do something, but are frustrated in your attempts.
Nonetheless, you keep trying, and keep being frustrated."
"Oh, sure. I suppose everyone has dreams like that. One I recall is trying to find my way out of a corridor. The corridor
was the standard kind, zigzagging to keep other users out of sight. I kept trying to open doors along that corridor, but
they wouldn’t work. One would have rusted hinges, another had a broken opening bar, a third was obviously barricaded
from the other side, and so on."
"And yet, eventually, you woke up."
"Obviously."
"And what did you do immediately after awakening?"
"I don’t remember."
"I’ll tell you exactly what you did; next time you have such a dream, observe for yourself and you’ll see that you’ll do
the same thing then, too. You pushed up off the floor, left your sleeping chamber, found your household bucket, and
urinated into it."
"So? Nothing unusual about that."
"No, of course not. But don’t you see the function the dream was performing? Your bladder was uncomfortably full.
Part of you wanted to get up so you could relieve yourself. But your low mind constructed a dream that said, in its
most basic form, ’I’m aware there’s a problem, and I’m trying to deal with it.’ That keeps you from waking up, thereby
prolonging sleep."
"But at some point I did wake up."
"Exactly. For a while, the attempts in the dream to solve the problem placate the real physical need, but eventually
the urge to urinate overpowers the dream, and you find yourself no longer sleeping."
"But what about the bad dreams I’m having? How can such horrible images be attempts to prolong sleep?"
"You know that stage actors wear face masks?"
"Of course. They have to; otherwise the audience would be distracted by the performers’ muzzles turning blue
whenever they spoke an untrue line."
"Precisely. Dreams are like those masks: they disguise the truth of things. Your dream of the corridor is an example.
Your mind was fooling itself that you were dealing with the desire to urinate. It was masking the fact that you were
just lying there, resting, with a story of you trying to find a working doorway. The bad dreams you are having likewise
are masks. The dreams obliquely represent, in ways your mind finds easier to deal with, the underlying things that
really distress you. The dreams may seem horrible, but I stand by what I said earlier — they are attempts to prolong
your sleeping state. However unpleasant the dreams appear, the real thing that torments you, beneath the mask of
those images, is something your mind finds even more unpleasant, and therefore refuses to face directly. We must
remove the mask, Afsan, and see the true face of your dreams."
The sky above Fra’toolar was a mix of sun and cloud. Novato was straddling a broken tree trunk on the beach, a piece
of drawing leather on top of a board resting on her knees. She was sketching the cliff face and its metamorphosis from
rock into the blue material.
Garios approached to within about twenty paces. Ten would have been a normal territorial buffer, especially
considering how long, and how well, they had known each other. Added distance often indicated hesitation about
broaching a subject.
Novato saw him approaching; whenever possible, one always approached so as to be visible well before arrival.
"Hello, Novato," he said. "I cast a shadow in your presence."
"Greetings, Garios. But hahat dan, for goodness’ sake. Come a little closer."
Garios took a few steps nearer, then said awkwardly, "I have a question to ask you."
Novato put her charcoal drawing stick in a pouch on her sash. "Oh?"
"Yes," said Garios, his long muzzle tipped down at her. "You are now thirty-six kilodays old."
Novato clicked her teeth. "Aye, and these old bones are feeling every bit of it."
"We’ve known each other for a long time," said Garios. He paused. "Indeed, we’ve known each other well for eighteen
kilodays." He paused again. "A year."
"Yes," said Novato.
"And now you are two years old."
"Yes," she said again.
"Soon," said Garios, "you will call for a mate."
"I imagine so," she said, "although I feel no stirrings yet."
"Eighteen kilodays ago, when you were completing your first year of life, you called for a mate, as well." He paused.
"And I responded."
Novato’s voice seemed a little wary. "You did, yes."
"Normally," said Garios, "that would have been your first mating."
"Normally," repeated Novato.
"But you had mated once before, a couple of kilodays prior to your normal time."
"It’s not all that unusual," said Novato, a defensive note in her voice.
"Of course not. Of course not. But you mated with Afsan."
"Yes."
"It is not, ah, out of the ordinary for a female to mate twice with the same individual."
"It is the female’s choice," said Novato. "Some do it one way, some another."
"Indeed. But now that you are coming into receptivity again, I, ah, I’ve been wondering if you will mate with one of
your previous partners."
"The thought has crossed my mind," said Novato.
"Normally, at this stage in your life, I would have been your only previous partner."
"That’s true."
"But you have had, ah, two previous partners: Afsan and myself."
"Yes."
"You laid clutches of eggs by both of us."
"Yes."
"You know who your children by Afsan were; they were spared the culling of the bloodpriest."
Novato nodded.
"And after your second clutch was culled, one of the egglings went on to be a member of Capital Pack; that person
would be a young adult now. Of course, we don’t know which one of the Pack members he or she is."
Novato looked as though she were about to say something, but checked herself. A moment later, her tone devoid of
emotion, she simply repeated the old saw "Children are the children of the Pack."