Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and pulled away. “I’ve dealt with enough bullshit in my life that I think it’s about time I figured out what’s best for me without an over-domineering man telling me what I can and cannot do. I gave you a chance, Jett; I gave you everything I had from my body, to my soul, and you lost it. You handled me with a hand full of razor blades and have cut me open. Well, you know what? I don’t need this club, I don’t need the Bourbon Room, and I don’t need you, Jett. I’m an amazing woman with a heart of gold and the determination to make something of myself. If I have to take the long route to make that happen, then I will. Don’t give yourself so much credit; you can’t save everyone.”
With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of my office and out of my life without a backward glance.
19
“Brand New Me”
Goldie
Arrogant, self-centered, asshole!
I busted through my old bedroom door to see my art supplies packed up, my clothes in bags, and my makeup sitting in boxes. The man didn’t even give me a chance.
I hated him; I fucking hated him.
My heart sunk to the floor the moment I found out that he thought I would cheat on him…that he would think I turned to someone else when he was all I ever needed.
All I wanted was to be the one who took care of him, who made him happy, who made him come alive and shed the walls he’d put up years ago.
No matter how hard you try, how much passion and love you give someone else, they might never change. I thought I’d made it quite clear to Jett that I was the only one for him, that I wanted nothing more than to be the woman by his side, but, apparently, he couldn’t get that through his thick-headed skull.
Unfortunately, anything I had taken with me to Rex’s house was a lost cause now, since I wouldn’t be going back there, so I had to pack up some clothes, grab my personal items I left behind, and get the hell out of this house, because the longer I stayed, the unhealthier I could feel myself get.
My body wanted to retreat back upstairs and beg to be a part of his life, for him to love me the way I love him, but I refused to lower myself to such a demeaning state. For once in my life, I needed to figure out what I wanted, not what someone else wanted or what I needed to do to stay afloat.
I had money now, thanks to my short stint as a Jett Girl; I needed to make use of it.
It was depressing, seeing my room so empty, as if my time at the Lafayette Club meant nothing.
Slowly, I went around and gathered some clothes, make-up, and shoes. Opening my night stand drawer, I took my credit card that was connected to the account Jett set up for me. I never thought I would touch it, because when I was at the Club, I didn’t need it. Everything was taken care of for me, but now I needed it, and I knew the first thing that I was going to do with that card.
I packed up a few of my art supplies, mostly the ones I came to the club with, and then turned to look at the room that held so many memories for me.
There were multiple times I’d stayed at the Lafayette Club when I’d threatened to leave, where I was on the verge of packing up and taking off, but I was always stopped. Now, I knew there was no stopping me. This was the last time for me in the club.
You can’t make someone love you, no matter how hard you try.
With a deep breath, I took one last look at the yellow room that sheltered me, my sanctuary for a short period of time, and turned to walk out my door when I slammed into Lyla and Kace.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Lyla said, with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Please don’t, Lyla, just let me go.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. What the hell is going on? All we know is there was some big bust down at Rex’s place.”
Taking a deep breath, I said, “There was, we were all thrown in jail. Jett bailed me out and left me there. I came back here to talk to him, but he wanted nothing to do with me, because Rex sent him a picture of what he thought was me in a compromising position. Jett believed Rex, and that’s that. I’m out.”
“That picture wasn’t you?” Kace asked.
I flashed an angry glare at Kace. “What did I tell you the other day, Kace? Do you really think I would do that to Jett?”
“Then, tell me it wasn’t you.”
“It wasn’t me,” I shouted. “Fuck, why doesn’t anyone believe me around here?” Frustration overtook me and tears started to form in my eyes once again. I hated crying, but when I became so overwhelmed with frustration, I couldn’t help it.
“I believe you,” Lyla comforted with a hug. I looked over at Kace, who had a distressed look on his face, like he wanted to believe me, but it was hard for him to do so.
Pulling away, I walked over to Kace and pushed his chest. “What is wrong with you? Why are you having a hard time believing me? I can see it all over your face.”
“It looked like you, Goldie.”
“How would you know? You’ve never seen me bent over like that.” Kace winced at my nasty tone. “But I guess you would take Jett’s side. We’re not friends, right, Kace?” He was about to speak when I stopped him. “Save it. Not that I need to explain, but that was a picture of Mercy, one of the girls who worked at Masquerade. She might look very similar to me, but she was missing one thing. My birthmark on her lower back. Check the picture again, Kace.”
I shook my head and pushed past Kace.
“Goldie, don’t leave,” Lyla called out.
I turned and shrugged my shoulders as I looked at her. “There’s nothing left here for me, Lyla. I need to find out who I am, and I’m not going to do that living here, pretending like the man upstairs actually cares about me.”
“Where are you going to stay?”
“I’ll figure something out.”
“Stay with me,” Lyla said, moving forward. “I’m done here. I was only here to help because you were gone. I don’t need this.”
I glanced up at Kace and noticed how his features turned from confused to troubled at Lyla’s words. It was clear he cared for her, maybe more than he cared for me.
“No, you do need this, Lyla. You can’t stay at Kitten’s Castle forever; you’re better than that. Stay here, earn an education, and start a new life. You deserve it.”
“But, Goldie…”
“Lyla, I love you, I really do, but you have to let me go. I’ll be fine. I’ve been through hell and back; this is just a minor speed bump in the shitty life I’ve had.”
The lies that were pouring out of my mouth were convincing enough for Lyla, but did nothing to affect my mood. I wanted to believe that leaving this house was a good move…that I would be happy, but I knew I wouldn’t. Jett owned me; he owned every piece of me, and getting over him would be the hardest thing I ever did, harder than saying goodbye to my parents, and harder than selling my body to make it in the world. Jett Colby was someone you just didn’t get over; Jett Colby was a staple in my life, an unyielding presence that will forever be a part of my heart.
With a sad smile, I turned away and headed down the stairs, secretly praying Jett would come after me. That he would come flying down the stairs and stop me from leaving, beg for my forgiveness, but he never came. He never showed up; he never begged.
***
“He will be right out, ma’am. You can have a seat if you would like.”
“Thank you,” I replied, as I took a seat on one of the worn out blue chairs.