“How come you can’t just trust me?” Goldie asked, aggravated.
“Because I don’t trust anyone except for Kace. Everyone in my life has either left me or treated me more as an accessory than a human. Trust doesn’t come easy to me.”
“Have I done anything for you not to trust me?”
Valid point, she hadn’t. She’d actually been extremely loyal, but because I’m a fucked-up bastard, I can’t readily admit to her being welcomed into my inner circle.
“No,” I admitted.
“So then, why are you treating me like everyone else? Why are you clumping me in with all the other people who’ve hurt you? It’s not fair, Jett, for you to pre-judge me like that.”
I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t think she would understand.
“Jett, talk to me,” she practically begged. “Tell me why.”
Wanting this to be over, I finally said, “Because you’re the one person who could annihilate me, Goldie. I’ve never in my life felt so strongly about a person before, and it terrifies me because with one sentence, with one wave of your wrist, you could take everything away from me. You literally hold all the power. You’re the definition of gold. You think you’re just a small girl who came from Bourbon Street, but you are so wrong. You’re so much more than that. You hold the colors in the palm of your hand.”
“Colors?” Goldie asked, confused.
I walked over to her and opened up her palm. With my finger, I traced a J, F and P on her palm.
“Purple is for justice, something you were able to accomplish while staying at the Lafayette Club. Green is for faith, even though it might not seem like it, I have more faith in you than anyone. And finally, gold, for power. The colors of the city are yours, Goldie, the colors I live by, and fuck if you didn’t just come into my life and take them all away.”
“I just wanted to be a part of your life, Jett. I still do; I love you.”
Needing her close, I pulled her into my chest and kissed the top of her head.
“I love you, Goldie. Fuck, do I love you. Three words I never thought would come out of my mouth, but the moment I saw you drawing my mother’s gravestone, I knew I was in trouble. I knew, at that moment, my mom was trying to bring us together, it just took me a little longer to accept the help she was sending me.”
“Why is this so hard?” she asked innocently.
“Because I’m fucked up and have trust issues. I have Daddy issues. I have little rich boy issues…”
“Little rich boy issues for sure,” she giggled into my chest.
“I’m sorry, Goldie. I want to be better. I just need you to understand that when you thought you were doing something for us, you were really destroying me. I don’t do well with being left behind. I was left behind my whole life. It’s hard for me to see something I care about so much leave me. I can’t fucking take it.”
“I understand,” she said softly, while rubbing my back, erasing all the stress out of my body. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”
“Anything,” I said, almost in desperation.
She looked up at me and patted my heart with her hand. “This right here, this heart belongs to me, and I need you to open it up, to let me fully in and to be vulnerable, to be scared, to drop the alpha mask when you’re with me and just be. I will not judge you and I will not leave you; I’m here and I’m not leaving. Do you understand that? I’m not leaving, Jett, it’s time you accept that and help us move on with our relationship.”
She was right, I needed to stop pushing her away and finally let her all the way in, throw my balls to the wall and dive in headfirst to the unknown. Fuck was I scared, but with Goldie by my side, I knew it was going to be alright. It had to be alright, my mom brought us together for a reason. My mom knew Goldie was the one for me; it was about time I started living my life and stopped living in fear.
“I can do that,” I whispered, as I carefully brought my lips down to hers.
She sighed in my embrace and let my lips take control of hers. With my tongue, I pried her mouth open and tasted her beautiful self. She was intoxicating, debilitating, and so fucking mind altering that at times, I forgot who I was.
Needing to prove to her that I was fully in this relationship, I pulled away, eliciting a cry from her, but then grasped her hand.
“I need to show you something.”
“Okay…” she drawled out. “But before you do that, can we address one thing?”
“Sure.”
“Rex, what are you going to do about him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you going to do anything about what happened?”
“There isn’t much I can do, or would want to do. Do I feel bad that the man drove his life into the ground by following my father and wound up killing himself? Yes, I don’t think any person, no matter how horrible they are, should die under such circumstances. But you have to remember, Goldie, underneath his fake façade, he was a bad person. He was blackmailing every single person in his club, making them work for him. He committed shady acts throughout his entire life, and when it came back to bite him in the ass, he couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry for the way he left this world, but I’m not sorry for what he had coming to him.”
“I see,” she said, while nodding her head, making me nervous. “I guess you’re right, he deserved what was coming to him…his jail sentence that is, not his death. I guess it just seems so sad to me that a person’s life could be that bad to them that the only option they think they have left is committing suicide.”
“It is sad,” I agreed. “But it’s not our problem. I can’t have you dwell on this. I’m not a very strong man when it comes to jealousies, Goldie. I need to know that you’re not truly upset over his loss.”
“I’m not. I’m just sad for the circumstances, that’s all. He was by no means the love of my life, and he never even had a shot at it. You, on the other hand, I don’t know what I would do if something ever happened to you. I honestly don’t know how I would go on.”
“I feel the same about you. Can you see why I was so upset now?”
“I can….drama queen,” she teased, causing me to roll my eyes. “Don’t deny it; you’re a little drama queen.”
“Tease me some more, see where it gets you.”
“Hopefully strapped to the beam, hanging upside down with your cock dangling out of my mouth.”
“I really see that my class has rubbed off on you.”
“You can try all you want, Mr. Colby, but I will forever be the girl you plucked off of Bourbon Street.”
“And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Now, come on, I want to show you something.”
“Is it your dick?” she asked, as she followed behind me out of my office.
“No, but keep talking like that and it might be.”
“Oooh, another threat that only entices me, keep them coming Jettonathan.”
“Seriously?” I asked, while turning to face her. She just shrugged her shoulders and laughed. Shaking my head at her, I brought her over to the only room she hadn’t been in since she moved into the Lafayette Club, my bedroom.
“Oh, my God, are you going to show me your room?”
“Yes, I think it’s time I stop hiding and let you take over my entire life.”
“I like the sound of that,” she responded, while rubbing her hands together. “Now, before you open the door, do you need to warn me of anything? Am I going to find little superhero toys everywhere? Maybe some Barney memorabilia, Care Bears?”
“Do calm down, Little One, you’re starting to foam at the mouth.”
Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she said, “I’m just so excited. I feel like this is the last puzzle piece I’ve been waiting for; now, open the door!”
Trying not to smirk at the glee that she was portraying, I opened the doors to my bedroom and let her in. She silently walked into the large room and immediately took in her surroundings.
My bed was situated in the middle of the room up against the wall, making it the focal point. A giant rug took up half of the wood-covered floor; I always hated stepping onto cold floors in the morning, so a rug was a must. My walls were sparse, as well as the rest of the room; it almost felt cold and sterile, but now with Goldie in the room, I could start to feel what I’ve been missing my whole life…love. Everywhere she walked, she rained love upon me. She was all I needed, all I ever needed.