A chill ran through me, though the night was warm. Frantically, I searched for something else to say. “There’s another thing.” I took a deep breath. There really was something I’d been avoiding. “I need to get my stuff from the penthouse.”
His mouth tightened. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
I ignored him. It was the easiest way to deal with statements like that. Especially when I so liked the way they sounded on his lips. “I want to come get the rest of my things Monday.”
“I can have it packed and moved for you, if you’d like.”
“I’d rather pack it myself.” If he packed, I’d end up with all sorts of things that didn’t belong to me—things he wanted me to have. As sweet as it might be, I didn’t want his gifts. I also didn’t have any room for them in the apartment with Liesl. Even if we got a two-bedroom place together as we’d been talking about doing, we couldn’t afford anything that big.
“At least let me arrange a truck.” His tone was insistent, but his eyes were pleading. It was hard to resist.
So I didn’t. “Okay. You can do that.” Only because it was going to be a pain to do it myself. And he did owe me.
“It’s done.” His lip curled up at the edge. “This doesn’t mean I’m done trying to win you back.”
“I didn’t think for a second that it did.” Though I bit back a smile, my pleasure at his declaration showed in my voice.
Hudson tilted his head to study me. “You say that as if you almost enjoy my groveling.”
I rolled my eyes and turned toward the club with a wave. But I couldn’t resist calling back over my shoulder, “I couldn’t say, H. I haven’t really seen you grovel yet.”
Friday and Saturday saw more gifts delivered—a coffee table book of pictures from the Poconos and concert tickets to Phillip Phillips.
“He’s, like, recalling your entire relationship with this stuff, isn’t he?” Liesl said on Sunday as I opened the box that had arrived that morning. “I hate to say it, but he’s kinda good.”
I wadded up the brown packaging paper from the box and tossed it at her. “Shut up.”
“What’s this one?”
“I don’t know yet.” I pulled out the John Legend CD I found inside and read the song list on back. I knew of the artist but had never listened to any of his music. The case wasn’t sealed so I opened it easily and found Hudson’s note.
This is the song that makes me think of you. Track 6. - H
R&B. Huh. Hudson rarely listened to music around me. When he did, he deferred to me to choose. I didn’t even know what style he liked. Was this it?
I looked back at the song list and found track six. “All of Me,” I read out loud. “I don’t know it. Do you?”
“Never heard of it. Let’s stick it in.” She grinned and added her own, “That’s what she said.”
Shaking my head at her, I pulled out my new laptop, put in the disc and pushed play on the track Hudson had indicated. I leaned my head back against the futon and listened.
The song started with a haunting piano line. Then a tenor voice crooned about a beautiful woman with a smart mouth who had the singer distracted and spinning. He was a mess, but it was all good, because no matter how crazy she made him, she was still everything to him.
It was the chorus that had me in tears, when he sang about “all of me” loving “all of you” and offered to give all of himself to her in exchange for the same.
Sure, it was just a song, but if it really held the message that Hudson meant for me to hear, well, I couldn’t help but hear it loud and clear. If he could really give all of himself to me—no more walls, no more secrets—then what was left holding us back? The past?
But my own history was imperfect. I’d even shown him my flaws on more than one occasion. He’d forgiven me and stuck around. Fixed me and found me and made me whole.
And now…
Not saying a word when I set the song to repeat, Liesl sat next to me and pulled me to her shoulder.
“Liesl, I don’t care anymore,” I sobbed into her shirt. “Even if I shouldn’t be with him, I can’t live without him. He makes me feel better about me. I don’t care anymore about what he did in the past. I only care that he’s around in my future.”
She rocked me back and forth. “No one’s telling you what you should or shouldn’t do here. Either way, you got my support.”
“Good, because I think I’m going to give him another chance.” I wasn’t quite sure what that chance would be yet—dinner? A date? Lots of dates?
That was a decision for tomorrow.
Though I didn’t have a lot to pack up from the penthouse, I wanted to get started on it early enough in the day that we’d be long gone before Hudson arrived home from work. Getting Liesl anywhere before noon, however, proved difficult.
“Maybe I could join you later,” she said, burying her head in her pillow at my first attempt to drag her out of bed.
“But I need you the whole time,” I whined. “Please?”
The pleading worked, but she tried again to get out of going as we were getting in the cab. Then at The Bowery, she suggested that she make a coffee run and join me later.
“There’s a beautiful Keurig inside. Best coffee ever. I’ll make you as many mugs as you want.” Maybe Liesl wasn’t really big on packing.
“Fine.”
It was much easier to go inside the building with Liesl along. As we went up in the elevator, I wrapped my arm around hers, grateful for the support. Though I hadn’t been living there for two weeks, moving out was big. It reeked of finality. And with my recent decision to let Hudson back in my life in some way, I wasn’t quite looking for finality. I needed Liesl to talk me out of anything stupid.
Like deciding to leave my stuff there and not move out.
When the door opened to the apartment, I waited for Liesl to step out first. She didn’t move so I went ahead of her. I turned around and put my hand on the side to keep the elevator open. “Aren’t you coming?”
“Uh…” her eyes grew wide. Then she pushed my arm out of the door and pressed a button on the call panel. “Don’t hate me!” she called as the doors shut.
What the fuck? I heaved a frustrated air of breath out of my lungs and closed my eyes. Either Liesl had somewhere else she wanted to be or she had something up her sleeve. And if it was the latter, there was no doubt Hudson was involved.
Might as well find out what was up.
I opened my eyes and peered around the corner of the foyer toward the living area. It was empty. Not just empty as in no Hudson, but empty as in no furniture. None. I wandered into the room to be sure I wasn’t going crazy.
Well, if I were going crazy, the delusion I was having was of an apartment with no furniture. I glanced at the dining room. Also empty. Strangely, the place didn’t feel any more cold and lonely than it had when I’d been there the last time. But the emptiness put me off. I couldn’t understand what it meant. Was my stuff gone as well?
I backtracked and pushed the door open to the library. This room was only mostly empty. The sofa and desk and all the rest of the furniture were gone, but the shelves still contained all my books and movies. The books I’d pulled that Celia had marked were gone from the floor, but several boxes were stacked against the wall.
I walked toward the stack, intending to peek in and see if the books were there, but it was sealed.
“Those are new books.”
Ah, there he is.
I turned slightly to find Hudson leaning in the doorframe. Again he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Dammit, he hadn’t even planned on going to work if he was dressed like that. And he looked extra yummy. Somehow he had arranged that as well, I was sure of it.