Cam turns on her heel and leaves us men alone once again. Lakin follows her with his eyes until she becomes lost in the crowd. Damn, this kid is clueless. He wouldn’t have a shot in hell with Campbell. I slap his back, similar to how he did when he greeted me, and take my seat again, laughing.
“What?” he asks, offended.
“Don’t even think about it; Cam is out of your league, and she’s not the type to play. It’s all or nothing with that girl.”
“What, like I couldn’t be serious?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Lakin. She’s not the type that would go for you, let alone have anything to do with a guy like you.”
“Well, fuck you, too, big brother.”
“Oh now, don’t take offense. She’s just on a different wavelength; that’s all.”
“Whatever.” He slouches back, completely pissed. He’ll have to get over it; I wouldn’t let him near Campbell any more than I would have let him near Amanda when we went to the zoo. Those situations always collect collateral damage. No, thank you.
I laugh at his childish response and excuse myself to go to the restroom. I need a break from the emotional whirlpool that this table has become tonight. The bar is quickly filling up for the band that is supposed to take the stage soon. As soon as I step away, I already feel the weight of the previous conversations begin to lift. I’m hopeful that when I return, Vivian might be sitting there, and I can finally have the chance to explain things to her and not her friends. Her face is the only one I want to see.
Vivian
“Oh, my God, I think I’m going to throw up. Is he really out there? Do you think he’ll leave when he sees me? There is a reason why men are supposed to do this; women are too emotional for this.”
Amanda fluffs my hair for the hundredth time, and I smack her away. She’s been quiet since I explained everything to her, but after I gave her a little time to digest it all, she was supportive. The calls home were not as pretty, but I wasn’t expecting them to be. They will get over it; they always do. Even if my family is not entirely on board, I’m glad my friends are helping to pull this off. Even Katie stepped in to watch all the kids tonight, and agreed to keep it from Brooks.
Jen swoops in with a shot of vodka. “Here, hun, drink this; it will take the edge off.” She places the glass in my hand and physically moves it to my mouth. I throw it back, feeling the familiar burn of the alcohol, and I shiver as it makes its way down my throat.
“Like a champ!” Jen whoops before slapping my ass. The sound of her hand on my ass cheek echoes loudly, matching my yelp. I’m wearing the same tight green number that I wore on my first date with Brooks, so I would bet there is a red hand print under the thin fabric of the dress that would match the hair on top of my head.
“Geez, Jen, settle down,” I complain as I delicately rub my ass, trying to lessen the sting. Campbell joins us backstage, eyeing the situation before her. “Jen is a little amped up, and is having trouble keeping her hands to herself,” I explain.
“Just as long as she keeps her hands off my band,” Cam laughs. “Brooks is ready whenever you are. Jen and Carly got him wound pretty tight, but I think you guys are ready.”
“Excuse me?” I scowl at Jen. “You were supposed to get him here, and then you guys were supposed to keep him entertained to keep him here, not interrogate him. What did you guys do?”
“Oh, settle down, Viv,” Carly interrupts. “He’s fine, no permanent damage done. Besides, we didn’t say anything that didn’t need to be said.”
I look to Cam for reassurance, and am met with a supportive yet half-hearted smile. “He said everything that I needed to hear; I can honestly say that you deserve the man that’s waiting for you out there.”
I pull her into a tight hug, which surprisingly she returns. “Thank you,” I whisper, and I feel her nod into my shoulder.
“Now, go get him,” she says, backing away.
I take a deep breath and take a peek out at the swelling crowd mingling around the stage. The urge to throw up flares up once more, then I step away from the curtain to gain my bearings. I look back once more to my dearest friends, who are all silently encouraging me to get my ass out on the stage to take the leap that I’ve waited ten years to have the opportunity for. I close my eyes to take in the moment, letting my mind clear of all the pent-up anxiety, worries of loss and regret, and fears of rejection that I’m too late. My breath calms and I step out onto the stage, opening my eyes to see a faceless sea of bodies. The crew has turned off the stage lights, leaving a single spotlight directed at me. I can feel my body begin to move more and more towards the microphone, and I send out a silent prayer that I remember to keep my arms down at my sides so I don’t flash everyone my ever-expanding pit stains that I can feel developing under my arms.
There was supposed to be a single table with a lamp on it to help me find Brooks in the crowd of people. I look out into the masses and locate the table, but I only see Lakin sitting there. My heart sinks into my stomach at the thought of Brooks leaving, and I look back to my friends for a little extra nudge. They saw and talked to Brooks; they would know if he left, and surely Lakin would have come behind stage to warn me, so I step up to the mic and let my heart spill out.
“Good evening, everyone. I have been given permission to steal the stage for a few minutes, so if you would all bear with me, that would be wonderful.” I scan the audience for any dissension in the ranks, and I’m met with complete silence. Any chatter that had filled the void was now eaten up with my awkward address to the mob. In my mind, I keep replaying my mantra I’ve had since I crafted this plan, ‘You’re a superstar. You not only wear the big girl panties, you own the panty store.’
“Just a few nights ago, one of the most wonderful men I’ve had the pleasure of knowing stood up on this exact stage and put his heart out there for me. It was the sweetest gesture anyone has ever done for me, but instead of being forgiving and understanding of his flaws and working through our fears together, I rejected him. I trampled his heart and walked away so viciously, I now need to seek his forgiveness.”
I notice movement towards the back of the crowd of motionless bodies. I don’t need to see him to know that Brooks is on his way to me, and it gives me all the incentive I need to continue my speech.
“I need this man to know that I have forgiven his trespasses, and now I’m seeking the same redemption from him. He is my forever, and…”
Brooks
As soon as I come out of the men’s room, I see a crowd that has gathered around the stage. I bypass the route to my table and slowly head in that direction. When I hear Vivian’s voice over the speaker system talking about me up on stage last weekend, my leisurely-pace transforms into a speed walk that would make the jazzercise lady proud.
I feel every one of her words absorb into my soul and cannot get to her fast enough. The sea of people before me is frozen in place listening to her plea for me, making it difficult to get to the front. I don’t even bother saying excuse me as I bump into people trying to weave through the bodies. I earn a few dirty looks, but I don’t give them a second thought, as my entire attention is on the gorgeous woman on stage that is saying everything I could have ever wanted to hear from her.
I come to a standstill when she references my tattoo. She now knows the entire meaning of it, that I’ve felt that my father’s sins were my own, that it was only her who could release me from the debt of that turpitude, and if she accepted me knowing it all, I would give her eternity. I’m still at least fifty feet away from the stage, glued in place, mesmerized by her words like everyone else.