I sigh. “But you’ll get back together when you go home.”
He looks like he doesn’t want to answer. “Probably.”
I nod, not willing to let myself cry again. There’s no point. What will the tears do? It’s not his fault I like him. That I...what? Became infatuated with him the second I saw him? It’s so stupid. It serves me right that he 'kind of' has a girlfriend.
“You’re so freaking cool, Charlotte. I wanted nothing to do with this place when my parents told me we were coming. Both Brandon and I were pissed, but we’ve had a kick ass time. You’re fun to talk to and I’ve never met another girl like you. You’re like…hell, you’re almost like my best friend.”
Talk about ironic. Of course I would end up with another boy for a best friend. One who’s always been there for me, and the other who makes me breathe faster and my heart bounce. Who makes me feel like a girl when no one else does and who looks at me like he sees something that only he can see.
One that if I gave into my heart, I would love.
“You’re my best friend, too.”
He shakes his head. “That’s Alec.”
“He is. He’ll always be my best friend, but…I don’t talk to him the way I do you. We don’t talk about the sky and I never could have told him what I told you tonight.”
Nathaniel’s quiet for a few minutes before he turns to look at me again. “Things would be different for us if we lived close, huh?”
It’s not what I want. I want things to be different for us now, but I feel lucky to hear that. Because I believe it. I don’t know what it is, but I know he’s right. Things would be different for us if we lived closer. I wouldn’t be afraid to follow my heart.
“Yeah…I think they would.”
Nathaniel puts his arm around me again, and together we watch the night.
It’s Thursday, August 8th, and Nathaniel leaves tomorrow. He and his family have been gone all day. It’s their last day here and we won’t even get to see them. Sadie Ann is mad. She’s locked herself in her room and even though I’m sad, I don’t let it get me down. What’s the point? It won’t change anything.
I work with Dad around The Village. No one has said anything about what I heard the other night so I haven’t either. Part of me wants to, but I’m scared to hear the answer. Or of how I’ll respond, so I just try to forget it.
Even though I don’t want to, I keep watching Nathaniel’s cabin, waiting for them to come back. Soon it’s dusk and Dad goes back to the house. I follow him and he kisses Mom on the cheek and I take that to mean she’s not leaving.
She has this sort of resigned look on her face that breaks my heart.
After changing clothes I go back outside, hoping to see their car, but it’s still not there. Nervously, I pop my knuckles, before kicking my shoes off to walk along the edge of the water. Joy bursts inside me when I hear footsteps behind me. Please be him, please be him, please be him.
“Charlie. Wait up!” Alec calls and I let myself smile. I refuse to be disappointed. He’s still my best friend. He always will be.
Alec catches up to me. “What are you doing?”
“Taking a walk.”
“Mind if I come along?”
“Sure."
We wander and talk about school starting next month. He’s excited about football and we’re going to be sophomores, and I know I should be excited about it all too, but I’m just not.
“I’ve kind of been a jerk this summer,” he says after a while.
I shake my head at him. “No, you haven’t.” And he hasn’t. Not really. There’s no rule that says he has to pick me first for games or that he can’t meet new friends. No matter what, I always know Alec will be here for me and he knows the same about me.
“I don’t know what got into me. I…It’s not important, but you know I love you, Charlie. You’re my best friend and I didn’t work with you as much as I usually do and I didn’t pick you first—”
“It doesn’t matter," I tell him. "And I love you too.” We’ve been telling each other that since we were three years old and both of us know what it does and doesn’t mean.
We meander down the lakeside for another few minutes before we turn to head back. The Chase family still hasn't returned.
Alec gives me a hug before heading home. I eat dinner with my family and then go to bed. Just past eleven PM, a knock on my window wakes me up.
Nathaniel.
I hold up a finger for him to wait. He nods and disappears from my view. I slip on another shirt and some shoes before grabbing my flashlight and crawling outside.
“Wanna go where we went the other night?” he asks. I grin when I see his dimple and his backward hat.
“Sure.” I’m not sure how to feel right now, so I try not to feel anything.
We head out to the fort, mostly quiet. Nathaniel tells me his parents dragged him and Brandon around all day even though he wanted to be here hanging out with me. His words make me smile as we slip into the night. Our night. I think I might always think of it that way. I’m not sure I’ll ever see another moon and not think of Nathaniel.
A moaning sound comes from the darkness and I reach out and grab Nathaniel’s arm. There’s a little light ahead of us and he puts his finger to his lips as we sneak forward. We hide behind a tree and look toward the clearing where there’s a small fire and…holy crap! Brandon and Sadie are on the ground, under a blanket. Brandon is on top of her and I might be naïve and never kissed a boy, but it’s pretty obvious they’re having sex. Sex! I have no idea if it’s Sadie’s first time or not, but I don’t care. I turn away, my cheeks hotter than they’ve ever been. I can’t believe I just found my sister getting it on with a boy. I start walking away.
Nathaniel’s jogging to catch up with me. It doesn’t take me long to find my fort and I’m scared I’m going to die right here of embarrassment.
“My brother has game! Who knew,” he laughs and I swat his arm.
“Oh my God. I can’t believe we just saw them having…”
He cocks a brow. “Sex?” he supplies for me.
“Yes!”
At that, Nathaniel laughs harder “You couldn’t even say it. Damn, your face is bright red, Star Girl. I know it was awkward, but why are you embarrassed?”
I shake my head, knowing I’m getting redder by the second.
“It’s not like they saw us. Why are you so shy?”
“Do you really have to ask that?” I bury my face in my hands. He’s so quiet I have to peek out, afraid he walked away.
“Have you ever...” he starts.
I drop my hands. “What? No! Of course not.” I can’t help but ask him the same thing. “Have you ever?”
“No.”
He doesn’t add the of course not.
“Me and Roxi…we’ve messed around and stuff, but not that far.”
“Okay, that’s enough for me!” I turn my back to him. It’s not like I want to talk about the girl he’s going home to. And of course she’d have some cool name. Roxi versus Charlie Rae.
“What about you?” He steps up beside me. “Messed around, I mean.”
Ugh. Why is he doing this? I think about lying, but know I can’t. “Nope.”
“Nothing?” He says it like he’s shocked.
“Thanks! Make it sound like I’m a freak or something.”
“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” He steps in front of me so I’m looking at him. “I just figured you and Alec…”
Oh. “No.” I shake my head. “We haven’t. I’ve never even…” There’s no reason to continue because I already told him I haven’t done anything. Why embarrass myself more by repeating the fact that I’ve never even kissed a boy? But then, this is Nathaniel and I like talking to him and can’t seem to stop myself from continuing. “No guys have ever really been interested in me. They all assume Alec and me are together, or will be together. Who knows if that’s really why. Maybe that’s just an excuse because—”