“She’s… she’s…” Jeremy wanted to say she was terrible. He wanted it to be a compliment.
“She’s Freida,” said Patrick. “Freida from Hobart.”
Jeremy’s mouth opened. Patrick was right. It was Freida.
“She’s great,” whispered Jeremy.
“I know,” said Patrick. “I saw her here last month.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Patrick grinned, sly and easy. He knew things about Manhattan that only dead people should know.
Jeremy found Freida after the show. She remembered him, and shook his hand. They went through a door, bought some drinks, went through another door, sat on a couch.
“I can’t believe it’s you,” said Jeremy. “You were great out there.”
Freida brushed back her sickle. “Your hair got gray,” she said.
“So what do you do with yourself now?” asked Jeremy.
Freida tapped her guitar. “I do this, stupid. I sing.”
“Full time?”
“Well, I’m a saleswoman at Saks. But who cares about that?”
Jeremy stared at her. He wanted to tell her how supple her thighs looked under her miniskirt, how terrific it was that she was profiting from her awful voice.
“What are you doing?” asked Freida.
Jeremy downed some Ballantine. “I’m assistant to the director at-well, I work at the Lucas theater.”
Freida nodded. “The Mouseketeer Club.”
“Ha,” said Jeremy. He took another look at Freida’s thighs, which, if he remembered right, had a tiny spray of freckles on them up around the hips. He remembered his grandfather, who’d loved whispering to pretty girls. Jeremy glanced around. The room they were in was dark and empty.
“Freida,” he whispered. He placed his hand on her thigh.
Freida immediately removed it. “Nope,” she said. She smoothed her skirt, and looked at Jeremy, her eyes all business.
Jeremy was surprised. He’d heard anything went in the back rooms at Minotaur’s, and he’d once taken this girl quite aggressively. He reached toward Freida’s lap again. Freida slapped his hand easily away. She made a little sound that could have been a laugh, then stood up.
“What’s wrong?” demanded Jeremy.
Freida shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong, stupid.” She picked up her guitar and walked away.
~
The more Jeremy thought about Freida, the madder he got.
“She called me stupid,” Jeremy muttered. “Twice.”
“What are you mumbling about?” asked First Angry Mouse.
The mice were backstage, in the greenroom, stretching, getting their heads on straight. The Saturday evening curtain was rising in five minutes, and rumor had it that Mayor Fillipone was in the audience.
“Nothing,” snapped Jeremy.
“Hey, Jax,” said Benny Demarco, “don’t step on my tail during the butter dance.”
“I won’t.”
“Well, you did this afternoon.”
“Bullshit,” snapped Jeremy.
Michael Hye popped his head in the door. “Places,” he said.
Jeremy sighed heavily.
“What’s your problem?” said Michael.
“Fourth Angry’s pissed off,” said Benny.
Jeremy gave Benny the finger.
“All right, all right,” said Michael. “Everyone, relax. We’ve got the mayor out there. Places.”
The mice scurried out.
Jeremy moved upstage to the giant cheese grate, took his position behind it.
The curtain rose. The audience applauded. The mice began their story, strutting and fretting upon the stage. Jeremy remained cloaked in darkness. He didn’t appear until twenty minutes into act one. Most nights, while he stood waiting, he peeked through the cheese grate and scanned the audience for famous people. Tonight he looked for the mayor. What he discovered instead was a young woman in the tenth row with a sickle of hair across her face.
“Freida,” whispered Jeremy.
She wore a crimson gown and gloves that came up her forearms. Beside her was a handsome man in a tuxedo who had one hand locked around Freida’s wrist. With his free hand, using his fingertips, he stroked her bicep casually, possessively.
Jeremy scowled. Relax, he told himself. Relax, relax.
But he couldn’t relax. Not only had Freida called him stupid, she’d laughed at him, laughed at the immense, sexual, Russian darkness inside him. And now here she was, the lead singer of The Great Unwashed, hiding her awful voice behind her crimson dress and her sickle of hair. Freida was a celebrity, apparently, a healthy Manhattan aesthete out on the town with her lover. It made Jeremy furious.
He rushed into view, two full minutes ahead of cue. The audience exploded with applause. The other seven mice stared at Jeremy.
Michael Hye stood at the back of the Lucas.
“Oh, no,” he whispered.
Jeremy panicked. He squeaked loudly, twice, which was the signal for the butter dance, which wasn’t even part of act one. Chaos ensued. Half of the mice followed Jeremy’s lead and improvised a makeshift butter dance, while the other mice threw up their paws in protest. The audience laughed.
Benny Demarco, as First Kindly Mouse, leaned close to Jeremy.
“You’re ruining it,” he hissed.
Out of frustration, Benny gave Jeremy a kick in the ass. Fourth Angry Mouse responded by shoving Benny into the butter churn.
The audience roared. The playwright, standing beside Michael Hye, seethed and cursed.
First Kindly Mouse began chasing Fourth Angry Mouse. The chase rambled through the butter dancers, over the cheese grate, onto the lower portion of the roof, off of which Jeremy flipped Benny. Benny landed on top of two other mice, collapsing them to the floor.
The crowd was in stitches, even those who’d seen the show before and knew a bungle was under way.
Jeremy stood panting in his mouse outfit, his face-his human face-gone beet red.
Relax, he ordered himself. Relax.
But, even as he thought this, Jeremy caught Freida’s face in the crowd. Her mouth was thrown open, bucking with laughter. Her teeth seemed to eat the air ravenously as she howled. The mouth of her lover was howling, too.
Jeremy closed his eyes, hard, hating what he was: a funny man. He was funny in a tense, awful way, a way that infuriated him and delighted others. These others, the audience, were delighted even now. They laughed, pointing at him. He couldn’t bear it. He ran to the top of the roof.
“I have arrived,” hissed Jeremy.
He put his hands to his mousy head, tried to unscrew it. He cuffed at his face, boxed his ears, yanked at his headpiece.
“What’s he doing?” squeaked the mice below.
Michael Hye and the playwright caught their breath.
“Oh God,” whispered Michael.
The audience hushed. Fourth Angry Mouse was clawing at his cheeks, apparently trying to tear his own skull off.
The other mice dashed for the roof.
“Don’t do it,” squealed Third Kindly.
“Wait,” barked Third Angry.
“I have arrived,” warned Jeremy. He swatted stubbornly at his neck, loosening the hinges there.
First Kindly Mouse was only feet away.
“Character,” hissed Benny. “Stay in character.”
“I have arrived,” shouted Fourth Angry Mouse. He popped the final hinge in his neck.
No, prayed Michael Hye, but it was too late. In a beheading that shocked the masses, Jeremy Jax revealed his feeble self.