“What did your dad do?” I asked, wanting to know everything about her.
“My dad was a truck driver, so he was gone quite a bit. Anyway, my mom was on all sorts of pills and got addicted to them. She’d be screaming and ravaging the house for anything she could find. Her pill popping turned into alcohol abuse, and my dad tried hard to get her to go to rehab, but she refused, instead cursing and threatening him every which way, including physically attacking him. He went on a trip one day and never came back. I’ve resented him ever since for not taking me with him.”
I pulled her even closer. Her story hit me, leaving me distraught and helpless for her. “So did things ever get any better?”
“A bit. She laid off the alcohol for a while, but the pill popping didn’t stop. I never got to have the fun that normal kids had like movies sleepovers. I had to parent my intoxicated mom, and there was no way in hell I was going to have anyone over to my house, so I just kept to myself, hoping no one would ever pry and make me spill my deep, dark secret.”
I kissed her head a few times, hoping to reassure her that she was safe with me, in loving, affectionate arms.
“So how did the Corps factor into all of this?”
She tensed again, slowly exhaling a deep breath before turning her head and looking directly into my eyes.
“You won’t think of me any differently, will you?”
“No. Tell me.”
She blew out another breath before speaking again. “Well, I earned a full academic scholarship to BYU. It was like a dream come true. My way of moving on to bigger and better things, while also getting the hell away from my mom. Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned.”
She looked up at me again, worry staining her face. I kissed her forehead, prompting her to continue.
“The last six months of high school, I had this boyfriend, Colton. I was a virgin, he was my very first boyfriend, and I thought I was totally in love. He told me every smooth thing under the sun, promising me forever while pushing me to further cement our love by sleeping with him. I didn’t give in at first, but after a few times I finally did, thinking it was going to be like unicorns floating on big puffy white clouds. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Colton did what he had to do to make himself feel good, not caring about me. When it was over, I was hurt...so ashamed and feeling like a piece of trash. He promised that it was just because it was my first time, so I continued on in hopes that it would get better. It never did.”
I played with her hair as she continued speaking, fury festering inside of me at this dickwad who I didn’t even know, who shouldn’t have even mattered. He sounded like a weasel, and a slick one at that. The fire burned brighter as the sun set, and the winds picked up, making me wrap my arms around her even tighter.
“So in my last few months of high school, I started to feel very sluggish and had a hard time getting to school in the morning. That wasn’t like me, so one of the only two friends I had, Jenny, tells me to take a pregnancy test. I thought the idea was absurd, so I brushed it off, but after a few more days of the same thing, I finally did it. It came back positive, and I could have died. I saw was my life evaporating before my eyes. My mom was so high on pills that I would go home and cry in my room for hours. I’d cry at school in the bathroom. I just didn’t know what I would do.”
“What did you do?”
“I finally told my mom and shit hit the fan. In the midst of her screaming came pushing, then punching. She told me that she’d have me at the clinic first thing the next morning to take care of my problem.”
I heard sniffles as she gently wiped away a couple of tears.
“I told her there was no way that I was doing that. That I would just have to find a way to make it work. That turned into an all-out assault. I showed up to school the next day with a swollen, busted lip and a few bruises, but the beatings continued. Whenever she got pissed at whatever it was that pissed her off, it triggered her anger, sending her fists and defamatory words flying my way. She didn’t even show up to my graduation. She refused because she said it meant nothing since I wouldn’t be doing shit with myself afterwards.”
Her voice was broken by the end. How anyone could treat another living soul, especially their own flesh and blood, the way her mom had treated her was unreal to me. I had always heard about shitty parents, but never with anyone that I personally knew.
“What the fuck did that mean? You had a fucking scholarship lined up.”
“You aren’t familiar with BYU are you?”
I shook my head. College wasn’t a high priority for me when I was growing up.
“Well, BYU is a highly religious school, and there are rules prohibiting pre-marital sex. You could be kicked out of school for it. So, showing up pregnant wouldn’t have been a good idea.”
I nodded my head. That was news to me.
“So what happened with Colton?” I asked, feeling like I could rip his balls off and shove them down his throat if I ever got the chance to meet him.
“I was probably three months along, getting closer to graduation when I told him. He was surprised and looked sick, but said he loved me and would be there for me and our baby. I was excited since I had been having such a rough go around with my mom. But the closer we inched towards graduation, the more distant he became until he just stopped talking to me altogether. His mom told me that she would file a restraining order if I didn’t stop harassing him. I was shattered. He had been promising me so much, and to turn his back on me like that really broke me. It tore me apart.”
I couldn’t take anymore. I stood up, needing to walk as the blood felt like it had stopped circulating through my body, leaving me completely uncomfortable. I placed my hands on the sides of my face, rubbing as I tried to allow of this to sink in.
“Where the fuck is this guy now?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. He took a basketball scholarship to some school in Florida, and I haven’t heard anything about him since.”
“And the baby?”
Her head lowered as she began to speak. “After graduation, my mom told me I had to get a job and pay my way, so I did. I got a job at a fast food restaurant, working full time so that I could save enough money to get an apartment and take care of my baby. Well, at six months, I was at work and I slipped in the back room, falling hard. I thought I was okay and went back to work, but the cramping grew more and more intense and I knew something was wrong. I went to the bathroom, hoping that a quick splash of cold water on my face would help me, but then I saw blood, and I knew everything was not okay.”
Those earlier sniffles were turning to sobs, and I rushed back over to her, pulling her up to her feet and into my arms. Her head was buried into my shoulder, my hands running over the back of her head as she worked hard to speak again. She was finally able to compose herself and started speaking.
“When I got to the hospital, the doctors told me that I’d lost the baby. My mom was thrilled, breaking my heart even more. I continued to work, but it never seemed like I was getting ahead. Her pill popping continued, her alcohol use picked back up, and whenever she would get into her world, she’d start harping on how I was such a burden, and if I hadn’t been such a little whore, I could have been at BYU learning something. I couldn’t take it anymore. After a few more fights where I finally fought back, I decided it was time to join the military and get the hell out.”
A smile finally touched my lips. “So you decided to become a Devil Dog?”
“I did,” she said. Her eyes were a glossy shade of green now, thanks to her tears. “I joined the Corps, much to my mom’s dislike. She said I wasn’t strong enough for it and that I wouldn’t make it past bootcamp. When I did, she said I wouldn’t make it in the Marines because I was weak and didn’t have what it takes. Every day her words haunt and push me to be better and do something for myself.”