“Did you need something with one of the instructors?”
“Um—“ I swallowed, trying to quickly formulate a lie. I was never any good at thinking on my toes. “I needed to see Sergeant Jensen, but I see no one is in right now.”
“Hmmmm,” he moaned, his eyes never leaving mine. I was afraid to look away for fear that it would be a definite giveaway that something was up and that he would sniff around long enough to actually find it. “Well, I’d suggest you wait to speak to him until you get back into class. This could easily be misconstrued. And after everything you’ve already been through, we wouldn’t that, now would we?”
I swallowed again, my chest heaving as I stood there, swallowed up in all of my guilt, hoping and praying that First Sergeant couldn’t hear the erratic, bone breaking, beats of my heart. The longer he stood glaring at me, those dark, beady eyes penetrating my soul, the more I felt like this was it; all of the walls would come crashing down on top of me, leaving me begging for mercy as the truth came spilling out.
“Go on and enjoy some chow, Pfc. Bennett. Whatever this is, it can wait.” He eyed me suspiciously.
“Yes, First Sergeant,” I weakly answered, cracking my knuckles at my sides before turning and walking away as fast as my boot clad feet would carry me. I wanted to turn around, but I knew better. There was no doubt in my mind that First Sergeant O’Hara was watching me and that turning around would only solidify his suspicions. I walked on down the corridor and turned the corner. I threw my hands behind my head and took long, deep breaths, desperately needing fresh air to once again cycle through my pain ridden and suffocating lungs.
Thursday night field day went without a glitch. It was the last one we’d be subjected to here at the schoolhouse, and Alex didn’t stop by my room, making me wonder where he had gone. The next morning in class, he was quiet…cold… distant. I didn’t know what was bothering him. The day before had been so beautiful, so meaningful, and I wondered if it was all too much for him. If he was having a hard time dealing with the reality of what we were faced with.
He had been in the office when I had my run in with First Sergeant O’Hara, so I thought maybe that was too close for comfort and he needed to put distance between us. Whatever it was, it sent sadness and pain piercing through me, leaving me wondering what would actually become of us. I tried to forget about it as I took my final exam, well aware that passing this had to be my one and only concern at the moment.
The day ended with only a few empty glances here and there. When I looked deep enough, I could see sadness behind the dark cloud surrounding his eyes—that very sadness filling me. I didn’t want to leave on this note. I wanted to leave with us excited for the prospect that lay before us, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that it would probably not happen that way. I wanted to rewind, take things back to the very beginning and start all over. I wanted more time. I wanted anything I could get to bring me and Alex back together. More than anything, I wanted the love that we’d expressed to one another to trump everything.
And right now, I wasn’t so sure that it could.
Later that evening, I sat with Dalton in the barracks courtyard, quietly festering in my own self-pity as he went on and on about the excitement of his new unit. He stopped talking when he noticed that I wasn’t contributing to the conversation.
“Hey. What’s got you so down? Things are looking up for you. Allen is out of your hair, we’re graduating, and you’ve got the love of your life. Why are you so down?”
I smiled weakly. “I wish it were that simple. But Alex and I are in a complicated state right now. He’s been so distant since yesterday. It hurts.”
He pulled me in for a hug, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m sure he’s hurting, too. He probably just doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“I don’t either. But I’m not backing away from him like he’s doing to me.”
“Don’t be so hard on him. He seems like a hard ass, and I think these feelings are new for him, so he doesn’t really know how to deal with them.”
“I guess,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Hey, let’s go to the gym and play some basketball—get your mind off things for a bit.”
I contemplated saying no, but Dalton stood and grabbed my hand, yanking me up with him.
“Go get your shoes on and meet me in five minutes.”
I nodded, then took off for my room, looking into the duty room on my way by and finding Riley sitting inside. I stopped, backtracked, then knocked on the door.
“Pfc. Bennett,” he formally said, looking up from his Hot Rods magazine.
“Hi, Sergeant Riley.” No one was in the room with him, but I looked around anyway, before moving farther inside and asking my question. “Um—is Alex okay? He’s been a little off today.”
He sat his magazine down and straightened up in his chair.
“Alex is fine,” he replied. “He just needs a minute to adjust to everything. He’s hurting a little, that’s all.”
My heart fluttered at the confirmation. He wasn’t distancing himself from me for the sake of distancing himself. I smiled and thanked him, then headed up the stairs to put on my sneakers and play some ball with Dalton.
We played over an hour of basketball, one on one, then two on two with a couple of other students. I was decent at basketball, but Dalton was exceptional. I wondered why he hadn’t pursued it further since he obviously had talent, but he said it was just a hobby for him and nothing he wanted to devote his life to. I envied him because if I’d been blessed with that talent, I would have used it to my advantage.
The walk home was slow and quiet. The desert air was still warm, but the few gusts of wind here and there were welcomed, cooling down my sweat covered body from the hot and humid gym. When we reached the barracks, I looked inside the duty room again, seeing Riley sitting inside with his A-duty—a young, but built Private. He gave me a slight wave, putting a smile on my face. I loved how loyal he was to Alex, and in turn, how accepting he was of me.
“Hey, maybe tomorrow we can go swim or something,” Dalton said, holding on to my shoulder.
“Yeah, I’ll text you in the morning.”
I gave him a hug, then turned and jogged up the stairs. The music coming from inside my room was loud and thunderous, assaulting my ears the closer that I got. Angelica was in there, and it would be an almighty fight to try and get her to show a little consideration and turn it down now that I was home. I just figured I’d shower, then head off to grab a bite to eat and hopefully stay away from her until it was time for quiet hours.
I fiddled with my keys, my sweaty hands slipping as I tried to get a solid grip. When I finally did, I placed the key inside the hole, turned the knob and pushed the door open. Just my luck, Angelica was in the shower already, so I’d have to wait until she was done. I exhaled a breath of frustration and started to walk inside when a large, thick hand flew around my mouth, the accompanying body equally large and pressing hard up against me, sending me crashing down to the floor. I tried to scream, but it was in vain. My sounds were completely muffled by the hand covering my mouth.
Fear shot through every inch of me as the bulky physique pressed me down into the hard floor, pinning my arms underneath me. My wrists were firmly pressed onto the cold, tile floor, and the bone crushing weight of my assailant sent my bones fracturing, causing pain to ripple up and down my arms. The butterfly charm on the end of my necklace jabbed into me, sending sharp pains through my chest as I was reminded that Alex was nowhere around to protect me. My mind flittered to him, thinking about where he was and how he would react to what was happening to me at this very moment.