Ari took her head away from the bag for a moment. “I take the wine, walk along the sidewalk, he’ll say hello. How do you know what he’ll say?”
Grimm gave a sigh. “Does the sign on my office say ‘Fairy Janitor’? I know. He says hello, you say hello, he says he was about to have a drink, and you, you look like someone who would like to have a drink with him. Does he like old port? He does, and he drinks it, looks at you, and you are golden, young lady.”
Ari giggled. “It’s magic.”
Evangeline and I exchanged nauseated glances, which had nothing to do with the fact that Evangeline treated curbs as an extra lane, and considered any space larger than a loaf of bread an opening to squeeze into. I, for one, was used to her driving, which resembled a demolition derby crossed with a Formula One race.
“The potion expires at noon now that it is tuned to Princess Arianna,” said Grimm. “So you only have a tiny window to make sure it gets delivered. Fortunately, he’s going to look up at exactly eleven forty-two, giving you plenty of time for banter and toasts.”
As we drove along Ari turned about the same shade of green as the plastic plants in our lobby. Her grip on the bag turned her knuckles white. “I feel terrible.”
I reached over to feel her head, and as I touched her something like a static spark jumped between us. She pitched forward, gagging into her bag. Her skin felt so hot it hurt, and her face looked feverish. I held her hair out of her face and let her finish. “Grimm, you got magic for this?”
“Not necessary, my dear. There’s a drugstore on the way. We’ll get something there.”
Ari sloshed against the window as we made another near ninety-degree turn and let out a low groan.
I took her hand. “Hold on. We’re going to get you fixed up.” That was the point where the tire blew out. Anyone else driving, and we’d have rolled for sure, but Evangeline cut the wheel perfectly to counter the skid. We slammed into a curb, blowing out both tires on the other side. She looked in her mirrors. “We hit something. Either a gnome or a two-foot-tall homeless guy.”
Please, I thought, please don’t let it be a gnome. I stepped out onto the sidewalk and went around to get Ari. She looked at me with feverish eyes, and I knew we were in trouble. “Grimm, is there a horse-drawn carriage near here? How about a pumpkin? You want me to buy a carpet? Or a cab?”
He spoke from the driver’s-side mirror. “Blast it. There’s nothing for two miles. You are only six blocks away. Secure transportation for the princess. We don’t have time for delays.”
Ari took a few steps and nearly collapsed. “Going for help,” I said, and took off at a sprint. I passed three blocks before I found what I was looking for. A bag lady sat by an alleyway, her shopping cart filled with soggy clothing.
“I’ll give you a thousand dollars,” I said, pulling out my wallet. I’m guessing there was actually closer to twelve hundred there. Grimm always said a load of cash was a more effective tool than a loaded gun. I packed both kinds of heat everywhere. I shoved the money at her and took the cart.
I hope what she wailed was “Thanks,” but honestly I didn’t care. The front wheel squealed like a dying hamster as I pushed the cart, and it shook from side to side. I ignored it and ran as fast as I could, pushing over people too dumb to get out of the way.
Back at the car, Evangeline saw me coming and nearly collapsed on the hood in laughter. “Come on, princess. Your chariot awaits.”
Ari was curled up in a ball on the curb. Grimm questioned her from the mirror. “Are you certain you ate no shellfish? How about egg salad? Potato salad? Did you eat any form of salad?”
Evangeline scooped up Ari like a sack of rotten potatoes and dumped her into the cart, squashing wet clothing off to the side. I grabbed Ari’s dress and the bottle of wine and we took off again. We ran the whole way to the corner one block from where we’d meet her prince.
Evangeline grabbed the dress with one hand and put the other around Ari’s waist. She lifted Ari out of the cart and onto the ground, and took her arm. “Come on. We’ll hose your hair down in that salon and I’ll find you a mint to take that lovely vomit scent off your breath.”
I took the bottle of wine, and got as close as possible. Down the block, at the restaurant, Mihail sat. His table stood at the edge of the sidewalk. The shine looked like dandruff, which actually made me laugh. “It’s eleven thirty-eight,” I said to my reflection as the minutes ticked by. “She ought to be here.”
“We’ve got a problem,” said Grimm.
“If that dress doesn’t fit, remember I told her not to eat that chocolate.”
Grimm connected me to Evangeline, which wasn’t something he normally did. Everything went dark as he connected us more or less mind to mind. It was like whispering into each other’s ears, while having your faces smashed together under a blanket. Evangeline spoke, and I heard it in my ears and through hers at the same time. “It’s like the freaking Exorcist in here. What did you eat, girl? What did you not eat?”
I hefted the wine bottle. My watch read 11:40.
“Grimm, I don’t think the human stomach can hold anything else,” said Evangeline, “but she’s barely able to walk. Don’t put anything in her hands you don’t want puked on or dropped or both.”
“Change of plans,” said Grimm. “Marissa, take the bottle and move. Down the sidewalk, make the connection. “
“But—” Evangeline and I said at once.
“Evangeline, bring her out with you and walk along behind her. Marissa, offer him the bottle and tell him you don’t drink. Ari will be happening by, and looking a little faint, and need a place to sit.”
“We disappear into the woodwork?” I said.
“Of course,” said Grimm.
I didn’t wait, I took off, bottle under my arm. As I approached the prince’s table I made sure to give the wine an “exactly why do I have this thing?” look. I smiled and caught his eye. Just for a moment, really. He looked at my face long enough to be certain it wasn’t interesting, let his gaze ooze down my chest, and found something truly appealing: the wine.
“Ah,” he said, recognizing me, “we meet again, my lady. Would you care to have a seat? I was about to order wine.”
I ignored the bottle on the table, which said he was a liar, and offered him a lie of my own. “I don’t actually drink. If I did, it would be something with flavor. I have mouthwash that tastes better.”
There was Evangeline, leading Ari down the sidewalk, and she looked about as sick as I’ve ever seen anyone. Poor girl, whatever else was wrong with her, the fix for her marital problems was in the bottle.
The prince’s eyes swept across the bottle, giving it the same look he’d given Evangeline’s bust in the post office. “Is that port?”
“You drink this swill? Good riddance. Must be your lucky day.” Every day’s a lucky day for first-string princes. I set the bottle on the table, avoided his hand, and marched off with that determined gait that said I was a woman scorned.
I ducked into the nearest alley and heaved a sigh of relief. By now Ari would be taking a wobbly seat at his table, and in a moment he’d offer her a drink to steady her nerves.
The sound of a pistol cocking brought me right back into the present.
“Listen up, princess,” said a man’s voice behind me, “you want to stay calm and do exactly what I tell you.”
“You have the wrong girl,” I said, but I felt the jab of the barrel in my back and someone kicked me in the back of the knee, causing me to fall.
“Poor girl,” said a woman’s voice. “I saw you looking at him, and he offered you his table. Your nerves got the best of you. You’re not the one I was expecting, but I can hardly be surprised there are several of you after him. You’ve already fallen under his spell, so you’ll do.”