“How is that old egghead?”
“As hairy and beloved as ever. He’s being entertained by a chain of small newspapers.”
“That’s nice.”
“You’ll be in touch?”
“I get even a whisper, I’ll give you a call. Look, send Mits on in with a Dr Pepper. Thanks.”
I went out and found her rinsing glasses and told her what Ted wanted. She nodded and I said, “He doesn’t look too great.”
She straightened up and turned to face me. “He isn’t too great. That’s for sure. These last weeks, he’s been going down. It makes me nervous.”
“Can you get him looked at?”
“I’ve tried. You better goddamn believe it.”
“I believe it. He is a strange and special guy.”
“I know.”
“He’s very fond of you, Mits.”
“I know that too.”
“Look, here’s my number. Any real bad turn, you can phone me and I’ll be out here with a doctor.”
“You can’t get a doctor to make a house call.”
“How much would you like to bet?”
The shiny black eyes looked me over, and suddenly the impassive brown face broke into a big smile that wrinkled the nose and squeezed the eyes almost shut. “No bet. Thanks.”
When I went out, there were two large bikers staring into the front of my pickup. They had opened it up.
“Something I can do for you?”
They turned to stare at me. Whiskers and hair and hard little eyes, like professional villain wrestlers.
“That’s a Merc you got in there, right?”
“Close. It’s a big Lincoln.”
“Custom heads?”
I edged past them and closed the hood. “Yes, and some other goodies.”
“What’ll it do?”
“Absolutely no idea.”
“Too chicken to take it all the way?”
“Not exactly. The needle sits against the pin at one twenty.”
“Why do you keep the outside looking like shit?”
“I wasn’t aware that it did.”
One looked at the other and said in a higher voice, “He wasn’t aware that it did. Look, you use it to run something? Is that why it looks cruddy?”
“Right now, I run myself home. Okay?”
The near one grabbed, me by the arm and pulled me back as I started to step up onto the running board. “Maybe you’re not through answering questions, Ace.”
It made me feel tired. I took his hand off my arm. “Friend, it has been nice having our little chat here. I do not want any childish hassling. Nobody has to prove anything. Okay?”
The screen door opened and Ted came wheeling out onto the concrete walk. He said, “Hey Mike. Hey Knucks. What’s happening?”
“You know this guy?”
“I know him. So?”
“Do you know he’s got funny-looking truck?”
“My sincere recommendation, don’t mess with him.”
“Don’t mess with Ace here? You kidding? This cat is over the hill.”
I looked at Ted, wondering why he was setting me up. I said, “What are you trying to do?”
He shrugged. “It’s been dull around here, sarge. And good old Knucks here has a nasty habit of trying to grope Mits every time she walks by.”
With an inward sigh I moved a few inches farther out of range. I’d been working out faithfully of late, and was right at two-oh-five, which is a very good weight for my six foot four. I look as if I would go about one eighty. The big advantage I had over these too-lardy fellows was a great deal of quick. Quick is what counts. Without the quick, they get to hit you in the face, and that is both demeaning and discouraging. Also, it hurts a lot. The secondary advantage is, of course, quite a few years of scrabbling a smart mouth and a Knucks, would be around, learning that the healthiest attitude is to inflict maximum pain in minimum time.
And the way to create an opening is to create rage. I smiled at them. “Knucks? Ah, you are Knucks. You better recheck your tendency to grope the ladies. You look faggoty to me, pal.”
He came roaring and swinging, big roundhouse right and left blows, too smart to be a headhunter. At least not yet. He wanted to cave my ribs in first. I trotted about twenty feet backward, just out of range, and when I estimated he had picked up enough speed to compensate for the heft of him, I clapped both hands on his right wrist, rolled backwards, got my feet into his belly just as he was tumbling over me, and gave him a very brisk hoist, while still clinging to the wrist. He whomped the dust like a sack of sand dropped off the top of a building. As I released him, rolled to the side, and came up, I guessed from the sound of impact that good old Knucks was out of the game.
I focused on Mike, coming at me at a half run, right fist cocked. I had time to decide whether to go under it, inside it, or outside it. Outside seemed best, but he waited so long I had to do a Muhammad Ali lean to get my face the final inch out of the way. I felt the breeze of it. He ran on by and was just starting to turn when I heel-stomped him in the back of the knee. He went down and came up, fighting for balance, arms spread wide. I hopped very close, braced my right heel, and pivoted so as to put my hips, back, shoulder, and arm into a very short straight right that went wrist deep into the bulge a few inches above his very fancy brass belt buckle.
He lay down in a fetal position and began throwing up. Knucks was sitting up cradling his right arm. His face was all screwed up like a schoolyard child trying desperately not to cry. His arm came out of the shoulder at a slightly unusual angle.
Ted said, “You’re not getting older. You’re getting better.”
“They might not take kindly to all this, later on.”
“You heard me advise them not to mess with you.”
“They are fat and they are slow. Not exactly a proud victory.”
“And they are not legitimate members of any club, Trav. Anybody moves against me, and the Fantasies take care of it. Right, Knucks?”
“Jesus, Ted! Jesus Christ! I can’t stand it. Help me, somebody.”
By then the mechanics had moved in. They gave me quick looks in which wonder and disbelief were mingled. Mike was moaning to himself and trying to sit up. They were being given all necessary assistance, so I waved to Ted and Mits and got into Miss Agnes and drove off eastward toward the coast, wondering if this would become one of the ongoing legends and be distorted out of all relation with reality. Showdown at the Oasis. Fat and slow and dumb. Dumb was the most serious sin. Without the dumb additive, they would not have charged, would not have tried to hit. They would have waited, circled, grabbed, and given me a very bad day. Pale eyed stranger whips over five hundred pounds of angry meat in a shade over fourteen seconds. It had worked very very well, better than I had any right to expect. So I should not get carried away and come on fearless with the next couple of bikers, who might very well be just as quick and just as able. Or might feel more comfortable with knife or gun or piece of pipe.
What I did not want, most of all, was to become some kind of symbol of challenge, so that their buddies would look me up to take a chop and try their luck. I wanted no part of any OK Corral syndrome. I had long outgrown that kind of testicular lunacy. People who become legends in their own time usually have very little time left.
Nine
ON SATURDAY morning I saw that the Byline was gone and knew Meyer would have a shortened cruise rather than none at all. I had some ideas to throw at him. He always seems to know which ones to field and which ones,to let roll on out to the warning track. I took a swim, took a beach walk, and intercepted a Frisbee with the back of my head, an incident that seemed to strike horror into a group of fourteen-year-old ladies. I gave it back, into the wind, with all the wrist flick I could put on it, and by great good fortune it stood still after it reached them. They stared at it, and one of them reached out and picked it out of the air.
So it made a game. Three of them on one side, one of me on the other. It is a great game for running, stretching, and leaping. Usually in any group of teens, one out of three will give promise of growing up into a dog. But not one of these. Comely maidens all, and very competitive. They whirred that championship plastic at me with sincere attempts to whack my head off with it. They were practicing catching the Frisbee behind their back and under a leg, and I served up floaters to give them a sense of achievement. Their brown leaping bodies and half-formed breasts and hips instilled in me such a wistful lechery, I wondered if it might be best if I turned myself in. They could put me away where I’d do no harm.