I was shocked when Candace said that she was coming out with Kimber and me tonight. She never goes out with us, but lately, she’s been coming out of her shell a little more. I think all the fighting with her parents has finally taken a toll on her and she’s looking for some sort of release. She even said that the guy she went out with the other day is coming along. I’m not sure if she even likes him, but I’m happy she’s giving it chance.
I decide to head out a little early, needing the distraction. When I arrive at Remedy, I spot some of my friends that are already here. We sit around and talk for a while before my eyes catch Mark as he’s walking in. Shit! It feels like a brick falls in the pit of my stomach. God, he looks good, and a part of me, a really big part, wants to go over and talk to him, but I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to see.
Right behind Mark, Kimber and Candace walk in, and Candace can’t get to me fast enough. I walk toward her and quickly grip her arm, rushing her over to the bar at the back of the club.
“You thirsty?” she asks with sarcasm.
Still freaking out, I say, “Not really. I just saw Mark.” When we get up to the bar, we hop onto a couple of barstools.
“Isn’t that the hottie you used to see that plays guitar?”
“Exactly.” I give her a serious look. I still haven’t told her what happened with Mark. I flag down the bartender and order us some shots and bottles of beer.
Eying me from the side, she says, “Okay, spill it. Clearly you’re into getting drunk, so tell me what happened.”
When the bartender sets the drinks down in front of us, I push two of the shots and a beer over to her, and we both knock the tequila back quickly before I confess, “He caught me kissing his roommate.”
She immediately starts laughing at me, not knowing how I ever felt about him, and jokes, “You can be a slut sometimes, you know?”
“Trust me. I know,” I say and hand her the second shot. We down them and I tell her, “He was really pissed off. I actually feel like total shit about it.”
She lays her hand on my arm and looks at me a little concerned, but she is instantly distracted when a guy comes up from behind and pulls her into his arms.
She turns around to face him. “Hey, Jack.”
I laugh to myself when she nearly stumbles off the barstool and into his arms. Candace never handles hard liquor too well, and it doesn’t take much for her to feel the effects.
She introduces us, and I give him a handshake. I continue to drink my beer as Candace and Jack talk. This guy doesn’t really strike me as her type. I can’t help but feel protective of her. She really doesn’t have anyone in her life to care for her other than Kimber and myself. I know that Candace considers the two of us her family, and there is no doubt that she is my family as well. When I turn back to look at her, she is rolling her eyes at something Jack just said, and I can’t help but laugh at her.
He leans in and whispers something in her ear and the next thing I know, they’re making their way to the dance floor. I order another drink when Kimber grabs the now empty barstool.
“Are we getting drunk?”
Looking over at her, I wink as I take a long swig of my beer, I wink at her.
“Perfect,” she says with an evil grin and then yells at the bartender for a beer. When he slides one to her, she starts chugging the damn thing and turns around in her seat. “Holy shit!”
“What?”
Pointing the neck of her bottle in the direction of the dance floor, she says, “Our girl is giving her date a hard on.”
I turn around and spot Candace dancing with Jack. I start laughing at her because she is acting so out of character. She is always so quiet and reserved, and she is nearly making out with this dude in the middle of the club.
“What the hell has gotten into her lately?” I ask Kimber.
“She said that she feels like she hasn’t really let loose since coming to college. I guess this is her way of having some fun. It’s pretty damn amusing if you ask me. Our quiet, little Candace, acting like a hooker.”
I shake my head at Kimber. “You know damn well that Candace would never do anything with that guy.”
When we see Jack’s hands squeeze her ass, we both bust out in a fit of laughter, nearly doubling over at her crazy behavior.
“You sure about that?” Kimber says through her giggles.
I stay at the bar and continue to nurse my beer. Kimber has ditched me, and when I turn to see where she went, I spot Mark again. I watch him laughing with a group of his friends, and I wish I could be over there with him. I’m sure he hasn’t seen me since I’ve been hiding out back here. I finally stand up and make my way over to the rest of our friends and see that Jack is sitting alone.
“Where’s Candace?” I ask as I sit next to him.
“That crazy blonde girl dragged her to the bathroom.”
“That would be Kimber. She’s like a rabid squirrel on acid,” I say with laughter.
When Candace comes up to us, she asks Jack what he’s laughing at. She squeezes herself in between the two of us and he says, “I can’t even remember now that you’re here.”
The look on her face is priceless, and I chuckle under my breath. She has no clue how to respond when guys say sweet things to her. She always gets so embarrassed, and Jack is completely clueless.
It’s getting late, so Kimber and I call it a night. Candace decides to stay a little while longer with Jack, so we say our goodbyes and head out. Walking out to the parking lot, I notice Mark heading to his car. I turn to Kimber and say, “Hey, I’ll catch you later, okay?”
“Yeah, have a good night,” she says as she turns to her car.
I’m not sure what I’m doing or what I’m gonna say, but I call out, “Mark.”
He turns around, and when he looks at me, he shakes his head and says, “We’ve got nothing to talk about, man.”
“Wait. Just give me a second.” I hate feeling like I have been for the past couple of weeks, and I figure if I can be honest with my parents, then I can be honest with him. He deserves an explanation and an apology.
He leans against his car and folds his arms across his chest as I approach. Clearly he’s still pissed. But what he does to me when I’m around him is something that I can’t explain. I feel it in my chest, it courses through me, and suddenly I’m nervous.
“Can I just explain myself?” I ask as I step in front of him.
“I don’t really think there is anything you could say at this point.”
Dropping my head, I take a second before looking into his eyes, and I instantly feel a need to beg him for another chance. I’m not quite sure where this is coming from, but I take a huge leap and follow my heart. “I know ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough, but I am. I really fucked up.”
I step to move beside him and lean up against the car next to him. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I make my confession. “I was scared.”
When I say this, Mark finally turns his head and looks at me.
I continue, “I was scared because I’ve never done this before. I’ve never wanted to be around another guy the way I want to be around you. The thing is . . . I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing.”
“Why couldn’t you just talk to me?”
“Because it wasn’t until I met you that I realized I was terrified to admit that I’m gay.” I stop, trying to find the words to explain myself. “I mean, I’ve always known, but the idea of a relationship just seemed too defining, and I wasn’t sure I was ready. I . . . a part of me is still really uncomfortable with this,” I admit.
“So what does that have to do with you making out with Kyle?”
“I didn’t know how to talk to you, so it was my fucked up way of destroying whatever it was that we had going on so that I didn’t have to deal with it.” I am nothing but honest with him, and although I could just be pissing him off even more, I feel like I owe him this.
He turns his head away from me and focuses straight forward. I notice his clenched jaw, but I stay quiet, waiting for some kind of response. Keeping his eyes ahead, he says, “I really liked you, you know?”