When I feel Candace’s body going limp in my arms, I loosen my hold and look at her. She’s completely worn herself out. Mark slides off the bed and onto the floor in front of her, and she turns to look down at him. I watch him take her hand before he gently asks, “Who did this?”
I know she won’t speak. I know I’ll have to be the one to say it. Fuck. I don’t want to say it. It’s gonna kill her.
Mark’s eyes stay locked on her when I clear my throat to try and speak around the lump that’s lodged in it. “Um . . . Candace was attacked Monday night.”
When I say that, she lowers her elbows to her knees, hiding her face in her hands. I keep my hand on her back, and see Mark wrap his hands around her knees.
“What happened?” Mark asks.
Staring down at Candace, she starts shaking her head. I know I just need to say it. I shift my eyes to Mark, and he looks up at me with his brows knitted together. My face heats with tears, and I hate that Mark is seeing me like this, so I just say it.
I grip her shoulder tightly and let it out. “She was raped.”
Mark’s eyes close, and he huffs out a pained breath, dropping his head onto her lap as a new slew of sobs rip through Candace.
The three of us sit there and cling to each other. I hate seeing her so broken and wonder what the hell must be going through Mark’s head right now. I hate feeling so powerless. I hate everything about this.
Candace begins to quiet down, and she lifts her head, wiping her face with her hands.
“I won’t say anything, if you were worried about that,” Mark assures her.
“I’m so tired,” she responds.
“I told her she could stay here for a few days. She doesn’t want anyone to know, and if Kimber saw her face, she would question her.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Mark tells me, then looks at Candace and says, “I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m here if you ever need me. I feel like I know you by how much Jase speaks of you. The both of us are always here for you.”
God, I can’t even describe what his words do to me. That he doesn’t even hesitate for a second. I didn’t realize how much I might actually need him because just having him here in the same room as me right now makes me feel like I have the support I’ve been missing to keep it together. I don’t know how this guy can do that for me, but he does.
Slinging my backpack on, I hate that I’m leaving her. I look at Candace curled up on my couch, wrapped in a blanket.
“I’m fine,” she tries to convince me as I walk over and kiss her head.
I can’t miss any more classes this week. It’s the first week of the quarter and it’s the week where we pick our projects for graduation, so I have to go.
“I have a break in between my classes, so I’ll come back here, okay?”
She nods her head at me as I turn to leave.
When I get to class, I see Mark sitting at a drafting table next to a window. I grab a stool and slide it beside him.
“Hey, how are you?” he asks as I sit down.
I still hate that Mark saw me crying yesterday; maybe it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. No one has ever seen me like that except for Candace, but now I feel like I have to hide everything I’m feeling from her. The last thing she needs is to worry about me, but I’m having reservations about letting Mark in.
“I’m good,” I lie, not knowing what else to say.
Cocking his head, I’m worried that he’s going to call my bullshit, but he doesn’t. “How’s Candace?”
“Not good,” I say. I keep my own feelings to myself and just talk to him about her. “She’s having these freaky nightmares at night, and I’m really worried about her.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s weird, man. It’s like she’s still dreaming, but her eyes are open. She says she feels like she’s hallucinating. She screams and cries and gets so worked up that she begins throwing up. It’s really bad.”
“What does she say?” he asks me.
“Not much. She doesn’t like to talk about it. She doesn’t talk about anything.”
Leaning his elbows on the drafting table, he looks over and says, “Maybe you could talk to her about getting on a sleeping aid or something. It might help relax her enough to get her into a deeper sleep so her dreams aren’t so vivid.”
I look at him and wonder how he knows about this.
Reading the curiosity on my face, he explains, “I used to have nightmares when I was in high school. I took Prazosin to help me sleep.”
I don’t question him about why he had nightmares; I just nod my head and say, “Yeah. I’ll try talking to her.”
He gives me a smile and opens his notebook when our professor walks in. It feels a little strange to be here, away from her, but it also feels nice to get a break and to see Mark. We spend the next ninety minutes discussing our final capstone projects for graduation. After class, I tell Mark that I need to go home and check on Candace before my next class.
“You mind if I tag along? I’m done for the day, so I can hang out with her while you’re in your next class.”
“You don’t have to.”
Looking over at me while we make our way through the quad, he says, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”
I nod my head and say, “Okay, I’ll drop you off at your car then.”
I am suddenly feeling a little self-conscious when he reaches down and takes my hand. I haven’t felt this way since I first came here three years ago and started being with guys, but that never felt like this. Serious. Intimate. Something about this makes me feel very aware of the people around me. My body tenses up, but Mark never says anything. He switches the subject, and I try to focus more on what he’s saying rather than what I’m feeling.
“So, the guys and I got booked to play a gig this Saturday,” he says.
“Oh yeah? Where at?”
“Blur. It’s a bar right off campus.”
“Yeah, I’ve been there a couple times. Nice place,” I say as we walk through the parking lot towards my car.
“I know you’ll say no, but I wanted you to know that I want you to come.”
When we get to my car, I unlock the doors, and he drops my hand to walk around and get in. I’ve only seen Mark play that one time, and that image passes through my mind. How hot he looked while playing his guitar and sweating through his shirt. Yeah, I want to see him play again, but he’s right, I’m gonna say no. I just can’t leave Candace for the night.
“I’m sorry,” I say and he interrupts.
“Don’t be. I know you need to be with Candace, I just wanted you to know.”
“Thanks for understanding, man.”
I turn into the lot where Mark’s Range Rover is and drop him off.
“Go ahead and go on up to the apartment, I’m gonna stop by Peet’s and pick up some food for Candace,” I tell him as I take the key off my key ring and hand it to him.
“Okay, grab me a coffee while you’re there, will ya?” Mark asks, and I nod my head before he slides out of my car.
When I arrive at Peet’s, I place my order and take a seat while I wait. I watch the rain collecting on the window and allow a moment of peace among all the strain from these past few days, but that peace is short-lived when I hear that all too familiar accent.
“You look like shit.”
I don’t even want to look at him. He’s a sick reminder of what I’ve been trying to escape. Mark makes me wish I could just forget about all the crap I used to do, and having Preston here just fills me with guilt. Fills me with the thought that I don’t deserve someone as good as Mark.
“What do you want?” I ask with a fleeting moment of eye contact.
Dropping his head slightly to the side, he says with a cheap grin, “Pathetic,” but it comes out more taunting than anything as he walks away towards the pick-up counter.