I came out to find Uncle John waiting his turn.
“I’m starving. I’m going to the diner and order us some food,” I said.
“Grace is back from college for the summer. Why don’t you go flirt with her while we finish up?”
I walked the two blocks to the diner and walked in. I waved at Billy, her dad and owner of the Coffee House, who was working the kitchen. His wife didn’t seem to be around. Grace had her back to me while taking an order at a table. She was waiting on Mr. and Mrs. Hass, who owned the farm behind Uncle John’s. Mrs. Hass saw me and I put my finger to my lips. She smiled at me. Before Grace could turn around to see who Mrs. Hass was smiling at, I slipped my arms around Grace and kissed her neck. She squeaked and tried to get away.
“David, you jerk, you scared me to death. Lord, have you been growing?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Go sit down and I’ll be right with you.” She finished taking the Hass’s order and then sat down at my table.
“Is your uncle coming in?”
“Yep, and my brother and dad will be joining us. Has the coffee klatch ordered anything other than coffee this morning?”
There was a group of retired farmers that came in every day and gossiped. If you needed to know anything, this was the first place you went.
“Are you kidding? They’re all too cheap to order actual food.”
“Do you have any of that coffee cake left?”
“No, but I could run next door to the bakery.”
I reached into my wallet and handed her a twenty.
“Okay, you know what they like. Also, could you ask your dad if he has any chicken ready? I’m on a high-protein diet.”
She came back from the kitchen before she went next door.
“Dad says he had a couple of chickens he poached to make homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch.”
“Perfect. I’ll have half a chicken, minus the skin, and a large salad with a side of scrambled eggs. My brother will have your chicken-fried steak special. Bring my dad a waffle with a side of crispy bacon, and you know what John wants. Just bring us a carafe of coffee and me an iced tea.”
“You want me to just bring it out like I know what I’m doing?”
“Tell them that here, you get what’s served, no exceptions.”
She put in our order and told her dad, who got a laugh out of it. She went next door and got what ‘the boys’ liked. When she gave it to them, they pulled a couple of tables together so they could give me the third degree. It seems this group of old men had followed my football and baseball games.
Greg, Dad and Uncle John found me holding court. I was telling them about my perfect game. Grace came over and poured everyone a coffee. Dad tried to order. Grace held up her hand.
“I don’t know where y’all are from, but here, you get what we serve you, or you get out.”
Uncle John about choked on his coffee. They’d played the same prank on me when I first came here. Phil clued Greg and Dad in.
“Just go with the flow. Remember when Jess tried to order?” he asked everyone, and they all nodded. “I think they banned him for six months.”
I loved these guys. They were masters at pulling pranks. One time, Uncle John had come in complaining that the deer were eating his cattle feed. Roger had convinced him that if they were coming up for feed, they were half tame. He should set up a small pen, lure one in, and feed it corn to make the meat better.
I’d called bullshit, but the guys worked on Uncle John for a couple of weeks. I just ignored them, because I could see they were setting him up. He had me putting out ‘special’ feed that they said deer couldn’t resist. Each day we would go out and find there were deer tracks around the feeder.
Roger offered to help Uncle John catch his deer. I knew he just wanted to be there to see it. Uncle John had me set up a cattle chute and pen. The plan was to rope the deer and then guide it through the chute into a pen.
The four of us, which were Beau—Uncle John’s 120-pound mastiff—and us, got up early to do the deed. We were in luck. There were three does and a big buck eating from the feeder. Uncle John told me to hold Beau’s collar so he didn’t spook the deer. Beau and I peeked around the back of the truck so we could watch.
Uncle John walked through the cattle so he could get close enough to lasso the deer. I about swallowed my teeth when he tossed the rope and it actually settled around the big buck’s neck. The buck’s head went up and it froze. Beau jerked me under the truck and the cattle scattered. They sensed something.
Roger was standing there with his mouth open as John calmly walked over to the chute and tied the rope off. He then tugged on it. That had the effect of unfreezing the buck. It decided it was going to stomp the shit out of Uncle John. It clipped him in the forehead before he realized that he might have made a mistake.
Roger was under the truck with us in a flash. Uncle John ran to join us as the deer took out after him. Uncle John tying off the deer saved him. It slowed the buck down when he came to the end of the rope. He jerked to a stop and then went nuts. The buck was determined to kill us. He dragged the chute over far enough to kick the shit out of Uncle John’s truck. I looked over and he was bleeding pretty good. Beau had had enough. He took off back to the barn. Roger got out a big pocketknife and opened it.
“Here, go cut the rope,” he said, shoving it in my hand.
My mother hadn’t raised a fool, but I didn’t see either of them fixing this. I rolled out the other side of the truck and eased around until I had a straight shot to the chute. I sprinted to the chute and climbed in so the deer couldn’t get at me. He ignored me because he was intent on putting more dents in my uncle’s truck. I cut the rope. As soon as the deer figured out it was free, he was gone in a flash.
So I knew these guys would help me out.
Grace started bringing out food as if by magic. Greg and Dad grinned at me, knowing I had just pranked them. They all saw what I got.
“Good lord, are you going to eat all that?” Roger asked.
“Yes, sir! Growing boy, here. Don’t get your fingers too close, or you might lose them,” I teased.
It was fun catching up. Grace joined us, had a cup of coffee, and told me about college.
WE WENT BACK TO THE farm and Beau about killed me, he was so happy to see me. We wrestled in the grass, and Dad and Greg were worried I was being mauled, there was so much growling going on. I found his favorite spot to scratch on his tummy and Beau just rolled onto his back. Uncle John mumbled something about a worthless hound as he led them into the house.
I grabbed our bags and brought them to the house. I came up short when I saw Bonnie there. She and Uncle John had just started dating last summer. I was wondering what was going on.
“Part of the reason I wanted you guys to come up this weekend is I wanted you to meet Bonnie. I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.”
We all just stared at the two of them. Bonnie started laughing.
“Oh good lord, they are Dawsons,” she said, as she came over and gave me a hug.
“Congratulations,” I told her.
Greg and Dad got their hugs. Bonnie talked to us for a while and then said she had to leave because she knew that no girls were allowed for a guys’ weekend. I don’t know where she got that crazy idea.
Uncle John took us out to the barn where he had two four-wheelers.
“David, take Greg and do a fence run. You go west and I‘ll go east with your dad. We’ll meet up at the pond.” I noticed that we had supplies to fix any fence problems and fishing gear.
I showed Greg how to fix fences. We found a few minor problems and we were almost done when we heard a cow bawling. It didn’t take us long to find it. It had stepped into a hole and broken its leg. I got out my cell phone and called Uncle John.