I guess the good news about Tami going out with Trevor was she would have someone else to focus on. The last few times she’d manipulated my life it hadn’t gone so well.
Something else I had to deal with was I was going to New York tomorrow. I was going to live in a house with five other models, and we were going to go through an extensive three-week training program. I’d received a text from Kat in England that said she’d been confirmed for the training. I let Adrienne know I was open to working, so she and Tyler could find me a few jobs.
I figured while I was there, I might as well make some money. Speaking of which, Mr. Hill called and they were nailing down a date for the commercial where I’d be a gladiator. That one sounded like fun.
I turned onto our street and saw Tami’s car was at our house. At least I didn’t have to worry about her being in my apartment since I’d changed the lock’s code. I went up to my apartment and showered.
I WANTED TO GET MOVING to make it to church. I hustled down and found Tami talking to Mom. I ran in and opened the fridge. Mom had poached chicken breasts for me so I threw one into the microwave.
“Hey, Tami, are you going to church with us?” I asked.
“I was actually hoping to talk to you before I go back,” she said.
“Sure, we should be back by about ten-thirty,” I told her.
“I need to be on the road by then if I’m going to be in time for lunch at Wesleyan,” she told me.
I suddenly lost my appetite. The hidden text was she was having lunch with Trevor; otherwise, she would’ve said who she was joining for lunch. I pulled the chicken out of the microwave and put it back into the refrigerator.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you next time you’re in town,” I said, and then turned to Mom. “You ready to go?”
She went to get her car keys.
“You can’t skip church?” Tami asked.
“No, Mom would string me up. I’ve missed too many times this summer as it is. Will I see you before school starts, or are you going straight back to Wesleyan?” I asked.
“I could come back tomorrow,” she offered.
“That’s great. I’m sure your mom would love for you to be home because I know she misses you. Unfortunately, I’ll be gone. I’ll be in New York for the next three weeks for modeling camp. They say we’ll be crazy-busy. If you’re back home before school starts, call me, and we’ll get together.”
Mom came back with her purse and we walked Tami out. She seemed frustrated. I was trying to be as pleasant as possible, but I wasn’t up for another long conversation ... with the same ending. I wasn’t going to talk her out of dating, so I decided not to make myself crazy with trying.
“David, I love you,” she told me.
“I love you, too. Have a safe trip and tell Trevor ‘hi’ for me,” I said, as a subtle way of saying I knew who she was having lunch with. “I’ll call you when I get settled in New York. I don’t know my schedule, yet, but we’ll talk no later than Monday night.”
I GOT IN THE CAR, AND Mom was about to burst to find out what was going on.
“Who’s Trevor?” Mom asked.
“Tami’s new boyfriend.”
“What? When did this happen?”
“She’s been seeing him off and on. Apparently, they took things to the next level while I was at football camp. She wanted to pick me up yesterday so she could share with me.”
“Are you mad about it?”
“No, not really. She deserves to be happy.”
“But?” Mom asked, knowing me too well.
“Our relationship needs to change. We have to learn to be just friends. I can’t be pining over her if she’s dating someone else. I can’t be thinking of her as my future wife. I’m just not wired to see her with someone else if I have that kind of claim. I’m not even sure we’ll ever get married.”
“What are you talking about? What makes you think you won’t get married?” Mom asked.
“I guess that wasn’t a fair statement. We very well might, someday. I just need to change the way I look at her, or this’ll be a huge problem for me.”
Mom pulled into the church parking lot, but we weren’t getting out of the car. We rolled down the windows because it was warm out. I watched people in their Sunday best migrate to the entrance. It looked like we were going to talk about Tami and skip church.
“I guess I don’t understand.”
“Okay, what if you and Dad ever divorced? How would he react if he saw you with a new boyfriend?” I asked her.
We both knew that would never happen, but if it did ... Mom would destroy him.
“Oh, I get it. But don’t you feel a little hypocritical with how you’ve been free to date other women, and she hasn’t had the same freedoms?”
“I never said she didn’t. I want her to be happy. I want her to have every opportunity that’s out there. What has to change is me, and how I look at our friendship. I’ve always put Tami up on a pedestal. She’s special to me, but now our situation has changed.”
“What changed?”
I will give it to Mom, she was like a bulldog on a bone. She wasn’t going to let go until I told her. So I did.
“In my mind, I committed to Tami to be my one and only. I do things with and for her that I would only do if we were deeply committed to one another. A good example is how my girlfriends react to Tami. My commitment to her has been a cause of disagreement with them. They all know all Tami would have to do is snap her fingers, and I’d be with her. No questions. All she has to do is ask.
“I figured at some hypothetical point she would date. Now that it’s here ... I actually like the guy she’s with. I guess I even suspected she would sleep with other guys. She told me she was taking her relationship to the next level. She’s making a commitment to someone else. I have to respect that. I care too much not to. I have to set her free, so she can find happiness. I can’t have her be my focus for my long-term happiness. That isn’t fair to her or Trevor.”
“Do you still love her?”
“Of course I do. But the kind of love has to change. It needs to become the love of a friend, not the love of a life partner. I need to grow up, and not have Tami as a crutch. I have to learn to stand on my own, and can we both remember, for just a minute, I just turned sixteen?
“I don’t have all the answers. I’m sure I’ll piss her off before this is over. In fact, I probably already have. I just hope our friendship survives this.”
We ended up talking right through church. I was surprised when Mom called Tami. I suddenly realized Mom was one of her major sources of information. They talked like old friends. I think Mom let me in on this little secret because I’d been so forthcoming. Tami said something that upset Mom.
“Let me go find out. I’ll call you back,” she told Tami.
“Did you give your car to Angie?” she asked.
“Yes. She needs a reliable car, and I no longer want mine, so we traded. When I get back from New York, I’ll trade her car in, and get what I really want.”
“A Jeep?” she asked.
“Yeah, I got the Dodge Charger because it’s what Tami wanted me to get. I also liked it, but I made the decision to buy it over the Jeep because of her input. If I’d been on my own, I would’ve bought the Jeep. I wasn’t looking to spend that much money on a car. Plus, it’s awful flashy. I really don’t want people thinking I’ve changed just because I have a little money.”
“Okay, I understand.”
As my mother started to dial, I put my hand on her arm.
“Mom, this sharing everything about me with Tami has to stop. If I think I have to filter what I tell you, our relationship will change. Tami has someone else now. Before, I didn’t mind, because she was going to be my everything. I would hope that when I do get married, you can be as free and open as you are with Angie. That’s something I love about our family: we can say anything and everything to each other and know we’re in a safe zone. What we say stays within the family. Tami is no longer part of the immediate family. Treat her as if she were Jim, Alan, or Jeff. She’s one of my best friends now.”