Divorce was the only option for her.
She realized that to go through with the divorce, she would have to persist and endure public humiliation, sacrifice her fame and status as a celebrity, and be ostracized from the large family called “society.” The divorce would be a detriment to her livelihood, an inestimable, insurmountable blow to her career.
Yet she was going to have to accept her wretched destiny if divorce was going to be a reality, which caused her distress. Her hands were clammy, she was nervous, she felt she had committed a crime against her community.
A strange uncertainty flickered in her heart, momentarily suspending her decision.
Would she have to remain married to her husband in order to save face in public?
Sun Hee shook her head. She convinced herself that these terrifying thoughts derived from her anxiety over the whole matter, and that she was the victim in this marriage, not the perpetrator. She was certain of this, but she could not allay her fears.
10
The Provincial Performing Arts Company’s deputy director paid a visit to Judge Jeong Jin Wu. He sat on the edge of his seat, upright and dignified, exuding the air of a veteran performer.
He was a skinny, pallid man with a receding hairline, a beaky nose, and small eyes. Above all, Jeong Jin Wu was amused by the deputy director’s high-pitched, nasal voice and its contrast with his distinguished demeanor.
“Comrade Judge, I don’t know what to say. I’m ashamed of myself for allowing Sun Hee’s problems to get to this point. I had no idea she had filed for a divorce. Perhaps I’ve been treating her too…”
The deputy director did not complete his comment and furrowed his brow in deep contemplation, as though he were the one who had instigated the divorce.
“How is Comrade Sun Hee doing at the theater?” Jeong Jin Wu asked.
“Well, she was quite introverted when she first started but began to open up to her comrades after a few years. She then became arrogant and extremely high-strung, sensitive to every word or gesture. Her fame probably had something to do with it. Some of the members of the troupe dislike her, talk behind her back. They don’t like the fact that a once humble factory worker is now the lead soloist. But she sings so well that they have to overlook that part.”
“How much do you know about her marital problems?”
“Quite honestly? Not much. There are rumors that her husband has a bad temper and that he cares only about his work. I’ve also heard that he complains about her lavish outfits. Despite all that, she should still try to repress her indignation and work things out with him. But Comrade Sun Hee is not that kind of person.”
The deputy director continued in his high-pitched voice. “I’ve told her many times to get her marital problems sorted out.”
“Many times?” Jeong Jin Wu asked.
“Perhaps not many, but certainly a couple of times,” the deputy director replied.
“How did you instruct her to sort things out?” Jeong Jin Wu probed.
“Well, she hasn’t been practicing with her team for some time now, and so I pulled her off the performance roster. We’re going to Seong Gan District this weekend, and I’m thinking of pulling her again. If she doesn’t change her attitude, then I’m thinking of letting her go altogether.”
“What do you mean, her attitude?”
“Her indifferent attitude toward her comrades, toward me, and her bad attitude from her marriage.”
“Do you think letting Comrade Sun Hee go will benefit her and the company?”
“Of course not! We need Sun Hee. She’s one of our main attractions. Once she gets a divorce, I will consider letting her rejoin the company.”
The deputy director provided plenty of information in a short span of time, speaking like a doctor diagnosing a patient’s health.
At this point, Judge Jeong Jin Wu sided with Sun Hee and disagreed with the deputy director. It appeared the deputy director also secretly wanted the couple to divorce so that Sun Hee could free herself from the bondage of despair. This was not because the deputy director cared about Sun Hee but because he wanted her to return to the company and perform the way she used to. Jeong Jin Wu knew that if Sun Hee returned to work for the sake of working, then she would have the wrong idea of what was expected of a national singer.
After tapping on the desk for a while, Jeong Jin Wu spoke in a heavy tone.
“I don’t think you’ve done your best.”
Judge Jeong Jin Wu’s decisive statement startled the deputy director.
“At first,” Judge Jeong Jin Wu continued, “you accepted her with open arms because of her talent, and now you want to let her go because of her attitude problem and her marital difficulties. Deputy Director, what do you think? Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair?
The deputy director’s large forehead turned bright red.
Jeong Jin Wu continued.
“I don’t think Comrade Sun Hee’s personal problems and flaws affect her as a singer. People may not know the dark side of her personal life, but they do enjoy her singing. If you take Comrade Sun Hee’s love for music away from her, then not only will you be depriving the people of the music they love but you will also cause Sun Hee greater despair. If you don’t allow her to participate in the Seong Gan tour, and if you dismiss her from the company, then what will become of Sun Hee?”
The deputy director pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat off his forehead.
“Comrade Sun Hee’s aspirations are noble,” Jeong Jin Wu continued. “Life’s true meaning is swimming upstream, is it not? It’s not right to make matters worse just because of her marital problems. A person’s talents are one of the most important elements that build her character. The law does not permit anyone to prevent the development of another’s talents.
“Comrade Deputy Director, your group should be more patient and try its best to sympathize with Comrade Sun Hee at a time like this. The way I see it, Comrade Sun Hee has had high expectations of her relationship with her husband. However, she was unable to make that her top priority because of her duties as a national singer. I believe she has many talents and expresses them well. However, these things conflict with her personal ideology and her goals.”
“Comrade Judge, thank you very much. In truth, I, not very long ago, should’ve gone to Sun Hee’s house and encouraged her…”
The deputy director looked at Jeong Jin Wu with self-reproachful eyes as he explained his shortcomings.
11
It was a sunny afternoon. The warm sunlight awoke the trees, flowers, and grass from their wintry slumber. The soil was still damp from the rainstorm of a few days ago, and the strong winds set the dark clouds adrift beyond the horizon in the vast sky. The spring air was fresh, and the muddied river had cleared.
Sun Hee brought laundry from her house to wash by the river.
She had to wash Ho Nam’s dirty clothes before she went on the tour to Seong Gan with her troupe. She could have washed the clothes at the neighborhood laundry center, but she didn’t want to encounter any of the neighborhood women or hear any of their comments on her marital problems. The river was frigid from the melting ice somewhere upstream, but the riverbank was her safe haven, a remote place where Sun Hee could find peace in solitude.
She scrubbed the stains off the clothes and repeatedly rubbed her numbed hands. She clasped her hands tightly and stared blankly at the clothes. She fell into deep thought.
She had told her deputy director that she would quit and waited anxiously for his response, but for some reason, he didn’t bring it up again. After the deputy director came back from the courthouse, he didn’t hassle Sun Hee for more information about her marital problems. He simply told her to prepare for the upcoming tour. He also suggested that she should practice more and gave her some time off to catch up on her housework. Sun Hee was grateful to the deputy director for not adding more work problems to her marital problems.